UPJOKE
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I finally published my book on Mediterranean herbs

It's about thyme

A plane is flying over the Mediterranean

A pilots voice comes on
And says a terrible thing has happened.

We’ve lost both engines and we’re gonna have to land in the Mediterranean.

The plane will stay afloat for a very short time.

And we’ll be able to open the door just long enough that everyone can get out.
<...

Are you on the Mediterranean Diet?

Because I see a lot turkey and grease.
AI Image Generator

What’s the difference between a black hole and a Mediterranean museum?

The museum has many Cretian dishes, but the hole only has one accretion disk.

Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?

It’s a pita parka.

A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today.

The survivors are marooned.

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

What comes out of bacon in Mediterranean?

Greece.

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

Ancient cultures had interesting and unique philosophies

For example, if you asked the question: “What separates man from animals?” You would get vastly different answers.

The Greeks would say “Philosophy and Law”

The Chinese would say “Morals and Art”

The Romans would say “The Mediterranean and the Danube”

How do I introduce my friend Harold, the Mediterranean meat magician?

Gyro wizard, Harry!

What do you call bad Mediterranean food?

Falawful.

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

Hey man, can you name the denonym for the people living on a French island in the Mediterranean?

Corsican!

Someone from an island in the Mediterranean asked me if I could guess their ethnicity...

...I said Corsican

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.

Last week's was a rollover

Which part of Europe took in the most refugees?

The Mediterranean sea

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… and he deserved it.

Hey, boys and girls, it’s Lee here with News from the Trenches, and as always, Ithank you all for subscribing to my podcast.

So I got some good news about my old pal, Barry! He finally dumped that gold digging witch he was dating!

For those of you just tuning in for the first time, B...

Jesus relieves St. Peter at he pearly gates for a coffee break.

Soon an old man approaches to be admitted. Jesus thinks to himself..."Oh man, I know this guy from somewhere." Embarrassed, he says, "Yes, I know you. On Earth you lived...let's see..." The old man says, "I lived in a Mediterranean country." Jesus says, "Right, I remember. And you worked as...uh..."...

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

Yo mama got so fat

She is now forever banned from hitching a ride to the Mediterranean on the #EverGiven

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Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

It's Paddy's first time out of Ireland

and he's on a Mediterranean cruise. His breakfast table assignment is with a Frenchman. Neither speak the other's language. The first day, the latter's first words to Paddy are "bon appetite", and the former responds "Paddy Murphy." This exact exchange happens the next day as well. The third day Pad...

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What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

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Funny but old fake adopt an Enron Exec email from way back.

Remember that whole Enron Scandal? I was looking through some old computer back up disks and found this. Probably wont be funny to younger kids but some old farts like me might get a chuckle:


**Adopt an Enron Executive**

Dear kind-hearted friends...Now that the holiday season has p...

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