UPJOKE
africaeuropeoceanseared seamaltaasiacyprussicilygibraltarsuez canalatlantic oceancretemoroccoblack sea

How did the Mediterranean man stop the hinge from squeaking?

He used a little Greece.

What’s the difference between a black hole and a Mediterranean museum?

The museum has many Cretian dishes, but the hole only has one accretion disk.

Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?

It’s a pita parka.

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

Are you on the Mediterranean Diet?

Because I see a lot turkey and grease.

Hey man, can you name the denonym for the people living on a French island in the Mediterranean?

Corsican!

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

Someone from an island in the Mediterranean asked me if I could guess their ethnicity...

...I said Corsican

What did the ship's navigator say to the large land lizard passenger when they ask “When will we reach the Mediterranean leg of our North African boat tour.”?

After Nile Crocodile

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

How do I introduce my friend Harold, the Mediterranean meat magician?

Gyro wizard, Harry!

A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today.

The survivors are marooned.

What type of dinosaurs roamed the Mediterranean before the asteroid hit?

Falafel Raptors.

(sorry)

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

I'm really looking forward to the next stop on my Mediterranean cruise.

The captain said we're just a few clicks out from Harem Bay.

What do you call bad Mediterranean food?

Falawful.

Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.

Last week's was a rollover

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

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Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

Jesus relieves St. Peter at he pearly gates for a coffee break.

Soon an old man approaches to be admitted. Jesus thinks to himself..."Oh man, I know this guy from somewhere." Embarrassed, he says, "Yes, I know you. On Earth you lived...let's see..." The old man says, "I lived in a Mediterranean country." Jesus says, "Right, I remember. And you worked as...uh..."...

Yo mama got so fat

She is now forever banned from hitching a ride to the Mediterranean on the #EverGiven

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What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

Which part of Europe took in the most refugees?

The Mediterranean sea

It's Paddy's first time out of Ireland

and he's on a Mediterranean cruise. His breakfast table assignment is with a Frenchman. Neither speak the other's language. The first day, the latter's first words to Paddy are "bon appetite", and the former responds "Paddy Murphy." This exact exchange happens the next day as well. The third day Pad...

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