UPJOKE
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I finally published my book on Mediterranean herbs

It's about thyme

Did you know that Spider-Man has a winter jacket made out of Mediterranean flatbread?

It’s a pita parka.

What’s the difference between a black hole and a Mediterranean museum?

The museum has many Cretian dishes, but the hole only has one accretion disk.

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

What comes out of bacon in Mediterranean?

Greece.

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.

The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."

Are you on the Mediterranean Diet?

Because I see a lot turkey and grease.

Hey man, can you name the denonym for the people living on a French island in the Mediterranean?

Corsican!

Someone from an island in the Mediterranean asked me if I could guess their ethnicity...

...I said Corsican

I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it’s always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

I've just tried some of the Elvis Costello's new mediterranean sausages.

They were wonderful.
I think olive salami is here to stay.

Did you hear about the guy they found dead at the Mediterranean restaurant?

Yeah, police are calling it a hummus-cide.

How do I introduce my friend Harold, the Mediterranean meat magician?

Gyro wizard, Harry!

Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.

Last week's was a rollover

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Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

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Im so smart for thinking of this

One guy says to another: Hey, did you know, there's a Middle Eastern country on the Mediterranean Sea, and it’s regarded by Jews, Christians and Muslims as the biblical Holy Land!


The other guy says: I don't believe you, you're talking rubbish.


So the first guy says: No, it isr...

A red and blue ship collided in the Mediterranean today.

The survivors are marooned.

What do you call bad Mediterranean food?

Falawful.

Yo mama got so fat

She is now forever banned from hitching a ride to the Mediterranean on the #EverGiven

Jesus relieves St. Peter at he pearly gates for a coffee break.

Soon an old man approaches to be admitted. Jesus thinks to himself..."Oh man, I know this guy from somewhere." Embarrassed, he says, "Yes, I know you. On Earth you lived...let's see..." The old man says, "I lived in a Mediterranean country." Jesus says, "Right, I remember. And you worked as...uh..."...

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Golf genie

In this tall tale reminiscent of the 1001 Arabian Nights, Across the seven Seas and the seven Mountains and the seven Rivers; We find a typical suburban couple playing golf.

The man is teaching his wife to play golf, and she pulls off a very powerful shot, however, in the completely unintende...

Which part of Europe took in the most refugees?

The Mediterranean sea

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What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

It's Paddy's first time out of Ireland

and he's on a Mediterranean cruise. His breakfast table assignment is with a Frenchman. Neither speak the other's language. The first day, the latter's first words to Paddy are "bon appetite", and the former responds "Paddy Murphy." This exact exchange happens the next day as well. The third day Pad...

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Funny but old fake adopt an Enron Exec email from way back.

Remember that whole Enron Scandal? I was looking through some old computer back up disks and found this. Probably wont be funny to younger kids but some old farts like me might get a chuckle:


**Adopt an Enron Executive**

Dear kind-hearted friends...Now that the holiday season has p...

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