If you threw a green shoe into the Red sea, what would it become?

Wet.

When Moses made it to the Red Sea he screamed 'God damnit'

That's how he was able to cross.

Moses and Jesus are in a rowboat on the Red sea talking about the "good ole days".

Moses says "I wonder if I still got it?". He stands up, raises his hands to the sky and, WHOOSH! The sea parts. He lowers his hands, sits down and the water crashes down and returns to a calm. Jesus says "oh yeah? Watch this!". He kicks off his sandals stands up and leaps over the side of the boa...

Jesus and Moses are taking a walk along the beach of the red sea.

Jesus looks out at the water and asks "hey Moses you think you still got it?" Moses huffs and puts his staff in the water, the water rushes to the sides and the red sea splits. Moses smiles and pulls his staff, the sea goes back to normal. "Alright your turn, i want to see you walk on water" jesus s...

Who parted the Red Sea with a permeable membrane

OsMoses


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This just came to me. I'm afraid the real joke will be in the comments.

What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea?

It sinks.

(Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)

Moses and Jesus are standing on the bank of the Red Sea in their retirement

Jesus turns to Moses and says, "Hey Moses, remember when you parted the Red Sea? That must've been amazing to see! So upset I missed it. Do you think you'd be able to do it again?"

Moses blushed, "for you?! Of course!" So he stands up and hobbles over to the water and hit his staff on the gro...

Jesus and Moses are hanging out by the Red Sea

(this takes place present day...). So Jesus asks moses, "hey Moses...you still got da funk?" Moses says "yeah buddy!", and walks out to the sea, holds up his staff, and majestically makes the Red Sea part in the middle.
He puts his staff down, walks back, and asks, "so how bout you JC? do you st...

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Splitting the Red Sea

Moses was leading the Jews while being chased by the Pharaoh and his men. In a moment of foolishness, he walked right up to the Red Sea. They were trapped.
"God dammit," said Moses.

So God did.

Miracles revisited

So Jesus and Moses are standing on the shore of the red sea one day. They're talking and Jesus says, "Let's see if we can still do the old miracles?"

So Moses steps up the Red Sea and slams his staff on the ground and claps his hands together and starts to slowly spread them, the sea follows ...

Jesus and Moses

One day, Jesus and Moses are chilling in heaven, and a stick falls from a tree.

Jesus picks up the stick and thrusts it into Moses' arms. "Hey Moses, how about you try to split that puddle of water over there like you did with the Red Sea?"

Moses takes the stick and heads over to the p...

Question

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, the rabbi finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

“Rabbi,” little Melvin asked, “there’s something I need to know.”

“What’s that, my child?” the rabbi asked.

“Well, according to the Scriptures, the children of ...

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Jesus and Moses are hanging in Heaven, talking about the good ole days

"You think we still got it, Jesus?"
"Oh, sure. I don't think our ability to perform miracles just goes away, do you?"
"Let's find out!"

Jesus and Moses head down to Earth and are at the edge of the Red Sea. Sure enough, Moses lifts his hands and the water parts, leaving a clear path acr...

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

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Moses doesn't mind period sex.

He's used to being in the red sea.

The Glue Truck

A truck owned by a commercial glue company is driving through London when it accidentally collides with a lamp post, causing it to swerve out of control and flip on its side. During this collision, the tank holding the glue explodes and 1000kg of glue falls upon a poor pedestrian. He's firmly stuck ...

Moses and Jesus reminisce about the their days on Earth.

Moses and Jesus are reminiscing about their time in Earth. Jesus says to Moses "let's go back for a bit! Where would you like to go?" Moses told Jesus "I've always like the Red Sea." So they go to the Red Sea and wander around a bit. Suddenly Moses find a long stick and looks at Jesus and says "reme...

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Dave comes back from his Italian holiday...

... and he's telling his friends about it in the pub.
"Whilst we were there, the Pope gave a speech at the Vatican." he says. "I went along."
"What did you go for?" one of his mates asks. "You're an atheist."
"I know... but it was just one of those 'once in a lifetime' things, you kno...

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Since it is ethnic joke day and all here's a Greek one.

Little Jim comes home from Sunday school.

Mom: What did they teach you today, honey?

Jim: Today they taught us about Moses. God sent him on a secret mission to free the Hebrews from Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea Moses had his mechanics build a bridge so everyone could pass but wh...

An Irishman running frantically late...

for a court appearance was having trouble finding a parking spot down town. In solemn prayer he asked the Lord of Heaven to help him find a parking spot. In return he would give up his Irish whiskey and go to Sunday Mass for the rest of his life. Suddenly there, like the Red Sea parting, appeared a ...

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

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It was at the height of world war II…

… and Hitler decided to invade Britain. So he asked the head of the Kriegsmarine to study plans for a water assault on Britain and carrying ground troops.

After a brief study, the admirals conveyed with the Führer, and told him that it was absolutely impossible, there was no way the Reich cou...

The teacher was quizzing the bible students...

and she asked "Who parted the Red Sea?"
Just then, rotten little Johnny poked Suzy with a pin, causing her to exclaim "Holy Moses!"
The teacher said "Very good, Suzy!"
Then the teacher asked "Who turned water into wine?"
Johnny pokes Suzy with the pin again, who hollers "...

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