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With all the recent name controversies, Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be renamed the Tampa Bay Tampons.

They are not the best team, but they are up there.

Why doesn’t a seagull fly over the bay?

Because then it’d be a bagel.

What do you call a 300 pound Green Bay Packer fan?

Anorexic

Why was 10 sent to Guantanamo Bay?

They found out he was at the middle of 9-11.

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wi...

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay...

sounds really fun if you don't know what either of those two things are

The secret to making slow cooked chili is placing the bay leaf on top, not the bottom.

A good chili doesn't rest on its laurels.

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Coming Home Early

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed....

A farmer is expecting his 3 daughters dates to arrive, so he hears a knock on a door, decides to grab his shotgun for intimidation, and opens it.

The first date arrives and says,
“Hello there! My name is Lance, and I’m here to take Chance out to the dance.”

So, the farmer calls his daughter, Chance, and they go off together. The another knock is heard, so he answers it again, shotgun in hand.

“Hey there, it’s me, Dave, and I’...

whats the difference between green bay and chicago

in chicago moosehead is a type of beer and in green bay it’s a felony.

Bay A: "Requesting weather report from secondary base"

Bay B: "It's cold outside"

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

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Reading of last will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two
sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and
a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak.

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, yo...

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be Bagels.

A fisherman’s joke

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, an Irish man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard. "We're sorry, Mr. O’ Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.

"Tell...

My mother has schizophrenic episodes

She lives in a nice house next to the San Francisco Bay, on a small melon farm (her choice...). She's an excellent farmer, even in her old age. And honestly she's a wonderfully sweet woman. But increasingly I find it very hard to visit. The problem is that when she has her schizophrenic episodes...

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Cause they’re not baygulls

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

A young man named Theseus moves to a lakeside fishing village looking for work

When he arrives, he finds one of the residents, Justin, is interested in going out and seeing the world, and wants to sell his fishing boat to fund that trip. Thinking that it might be a good way to make a living, Theseus buys the boat and spends the next few years learning the trade, establishing a...

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if the lived by the bay, they would be bagels.



My very quiet intern brought this in when I asked her to find a joke a day to share. She couldn't finish telling it without cracking up.

Why did the seal cross the bay?

To get to the otter side!

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad...

After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo i...

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

What happen when paprika cheat on oregano?

Bay leaves

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In my day, we never had Pirate Bay and Limewire

We had to walk two miles to the record store and shoplift that shit.

My ex could season a fish like no other.

I miss my Old Bay.

An elderly man hears a knock at the door and goes to answer.

When he opens the door he sees that it is the local sheriff and says "How may I help you?" The sheriff asks if he is Marvin Johnson married to Louise Johnson. He says that he is and the sheriff says to him "Well I've got some bad news, some good news and some really good news. Which would you lik...

Why did M. Night Shyamalan get sent to Guantanamo Bay?

Because he's a Middle Eastern guy who has made a lot of bombs.

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?

Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair sells for.

I downloaded a swearing dictionary from the Pirate Bay and

Received a torrent of abuse.

What's the most expensive thing at Guantanamo Bay?

The water bill.

A woman goes out boating one day...

A woman takes the boat out one afternoon, but does not come back. The next day, her husband answers a knock at the door to two grim-faced State Troopers.

"Good afternoon sir, regarding your wife we have some bad news, good news, and really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
...

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay today...

**I thought to myself, 'I wonder what his handicap is?'**

If a seagull flys over the sea, then what flys over the bay?

A bagel!
(Came up with this Louis CK style slapstick literature at 5 years old, give me bronze)

What is Michael Bay's favorite phone?

Note 7

What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?

My zipper

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?

They both love Clinton-Dix.

What do Michael Bay and a priest offer a young boy?

Hollywood and Holy wood respectively.

Man I’ve really had it with Ebay

I’ve had it with eBay! Every time I order chicken pellets they email me asking for their feed back!

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A Piano Bar Needs a Piano Player NSFW

A man is walking down a busy street in St. Pete and see a chalk board sign out front of a pub that reads “Piano Player Wanted”.

The man walks into the bar and it’s empty other than the bar owner setting up chairs in front of the stage with a piano on it. The owner says “sorry sir we don’t o...

There was a bay guard

He had this job for many years, but he retired at 45. He decided that he would try to make juice and sell it for extra cash.


He bought everything needed, and began. However, he could never make any juice. He learned a valuable lesson that day:

Bay guards can't be juicers.

The Green Bay Packers' Defense

That's it. That's the joke. LET'S GO FALCONS!

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Word of the day: cheesehead

I asked my wife if the Packers are going to the Super Bowl, and cheesehead "no".

(Sorry. I was rooting for Green Bay. Gotta try to have *some* fun with the loss.)

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

One day, a guy went into a store,

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.


The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. ...

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A man swims far out into the bay...

...Suddenly he feels a hand from the deep grabbing his balls, and a voice in his head says, "plus two or minus two?"


"Plus two!" - answers the man, not quite sure what is this about. The hand releases his balls and he swims back to the shore. Everything seems to be OK, but when the adrena...

eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay?

Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!

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How is using the Pirate Bay like hiring a prostitute?

Only nerds brag about doing it

I met a strange man in a coastal city in China

They call him Bay-Jing.

How do terrorist surfers spend free time at Guantanamo Bay?

WATERBOARDING!!!

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods late at night. A pack of wolves bay in the distance.

The little boy says "I'm scared". The clown says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone."

Ebay

Sold some stuff to the Pope on eBay. I knew it was him, he used his papal account!!

The original "You won't last 5 minutes playing this game" was invented in

Guantanamo Bay.

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An old man always leaves his fishing trips with tons of fish.

-my recently deceased grandpa told this all his life-


The game warden always asked him “How’d you catch so many fish?”

The old man would always say “Fisherman’s secret, can’t tell you.”

After about a year of asking, the old man finally agrees to take him fishing. As the two ...

This from my 8 year old grandson this morning

What do you call a seagull that lives in a Bay.

A Bay-gull.

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A man decides to do something nice for his girlfriend.

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend, Wendy, before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually r...

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