Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called bagels.

What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?

Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair sells for.

Man I’ve really had it with Ebay

I’ve had it with eBay! Every time I order chicken pellets they email me asking for their feed back!

I met a strange man in a coastal city in China

They call him Bay-Jing.

If sunflower oil is made from sunflowers, and olive oil is made of olives, then what's baby oil made from?

Bees from the bay

Ebay

Sold some stuff to the Pope on eBay. I knew it was him, he used his papal account!!

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door..

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”
“Well, tell me!” the man said.
The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens sa...

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Cause they’re not baygulls

The original "You won't last 5 minutes playing this game" was invented in

Guantanamo Bay.

Why did the seal cross the bay?

To get to the otter side!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last Will and Testament

**Last Will & Testament:**


His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.


When all is ready he begins to speak. "My son, Sam, I want you to take the Ocean Reef...

One day, a guy went into a store,

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing. He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.


The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him. ...

An old man always leaves his fishing trips with tons of fish.

-my recently deceased grandpa told this all his life-


The game warden always asked him “How’d you catch so many fish?”

The old man would always say “Fisherman’s secret, can’t tell you.”

After about a year of asking, the old man finally agrees to take him fishing. As the two ...

Why do sea gulls live by the sea?

Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be called bagels (bay-gulls)

Courtesy of my seven year old niece

On a sparkling summer day,

A penguin is driving his convertible along a coastal road. Accelerating through a bend, he hears a “thump” from the engine bay.

It’s not so far to the next town, so he slows down and limps the car to the local mechanic’s workshop.

“I’m a bit busy right now, mate”, says the mechanic. “C...

Bananas ...

George, a farmer out of Iowa, decides to visit the Big Apple.

Taken in by all the wonders of a big city, in his wandering comes across a dude holding bananas to his ears.

He stops him and ask: "Sir, why are you holding bananas to your ears?"

The dude replies: "To keep the allig...

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad...

After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo i...

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A man wakes up after a plane crash

he finds himself on a beach with nothing around but palm trees, sand and the noise of the water hitting the sand bay.

Despite his pain in every single part of his body, he manages to get up and walk along the beach. Some airplane parts are lying around too and slowly the man realises, he must...

Who called it 'polygamy and monogamy'...

...and not 'PirateBay and PrivateBae'?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.



With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.



He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails right between the posts, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decides to do something nice for his girlfriend.

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend, Wendy, before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually r...

What do you call a Significant Other that lives in San Francisco?

A Bay-Bae

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy takes his Rolls Royce for a service...

A guy takes his Rolls Royce into the dealership for a service.
They drive it into the service bay and the chief mechanic decides to let the new trainee clean up the interior to give him something to do.
He's vacuuming the carpets in the front footwell when he finds a golf tee.
He has no id...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

I just saw Bumblebee yesterday and I have to say,

the difference in quality from it to the previous Transformers movies is Knight and Bay.

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

Why did M. Night Shyamalan get sent to Guantanamo Bay?

Because he's a Middle Eastern guy who has made a lot of bombs.

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

After a brief, bloodless gunfight,

Prickly Bob and his Saddlesore Gang have managed to capture Dan Hollings, Deputy of Tombstone. Prickly Bob, not wanting a murder warrant on his head, has decided to let the desert take care of his latest problem with the law.

Now, I won't lie to you. Alone and buried up to his chin in red des...

My wife and I were discussing Christmas presents

I asked what she wanted and she said "if you love me, you'll get me this vintage Barbie playset I had when I was a kid; it's only $500 on eBay."

I told her no, that I didn't want to set unrealistic expectations for our children.

"You mean expectations about ideal female physical attri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golden Wedding Anniversary

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In my day, we never had Pirate Bay and Limewire

We had to walk two miles to the record store and shoplift that shit.

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

I downloaded a swearing dictionary from the Pirate Bay and

Received a torrent of abuse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don’t know, I mean I didn’t get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn’t that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is using the Pirate Bay like hiring a prostitute?

Only nerds brag about doing it

Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay?

Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods late at night. A pack of wolves bay in the distance.

The little boy says "I'm scared". The clown says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone."

Irish Lobsters

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.

"We're sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen" said one of the officers.” ...

What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

Clinton Dix, haha.

Sean Connery used to sing Otis Redding songs as lullabies to his baby son.

He was ten years old before he realised the dock of the bay wasn’t actually covered in excrement.

How do terrorist surfers spend free time at Guantanamo Bay?

WATERBOARDING!!!

(Grandpa joke) If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?

Bagels.

I'll be here all night, people!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three football fans were driving along when they

saw a body in the undergrowth. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately, they found the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Chicago Bears hat over one breast. The second guy, a Tampa Bay Bucs fan, placed his hat ...

The Chinese Curio Shop

A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it He took it to the old shop owner and as...

An engineer dies.

He proceeds up to the pearly gates and approaches Saint Peter. Saint Peter checks his list, but does not see the engineer. The engineer says, "I have lived my entire life for good, there must be some sort of mistake!" But Saint Peter won't hear it, and sends him to hell.

When he gets to he...

My friend told me that he had aquired one of Seabiscuit's teeth.

I said, "that can't possibly be true. Did you get it on eBay? The guy who sold it to you must have been lying."

"No," he said, "it's definitely true. I got it straight from the horse's mouth."

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

An English sailor is swept overboard and ends upon alone on an island

In a terrible storm in the south seas, an English sailor is swept overboard. Somehow he manages to find enough wood to cling to, survives the storm, and eventually washes up on an island.


After giving up on any hope of a quick rescue, he realizes he must make do. As an member of the R...

Why wasn't the chef sad when he had a break-up?

Cause he always loves when bay-leaves.

More NFL news

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

The...

A beer a day

...Keeps the wife and kids at bay.

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