The 79+ Best Bay Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

My son was on eBay this morning.

Child services were not impressed with me.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said,

"We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
<...

eBay is so useless

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,061 matches

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds fun

if you don’t know what either of those are

I love eBay!

Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.

Beware of a new E-bay scam

I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me motorcycle parts

eBay

Looks like it will be a good Christmas. I sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 10th time.

Went on eBay to look for a lighter

But I found was 100,437 matches

How much does corn cost in Tampa Bay?

A Buccaneer

I’ve decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

Why Won't Aaron Rodgers Leave Green Bay?

Because he doesn't want to Take a Shot on another team.

Did you know there are tents surviving that Genghis Khan used to sleep in? I just scored one on eBay!

Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?

My zipper

Ordered a dozen guitar picks on eBay.

Received 12 photos of some guy's guitar.

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags," and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," then...

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

The secret to making slow cooked chili is placing the bay leaf on top, not the bottom.

A good chili doesn't rest on its laurels.

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Warning to all men about eBay.

Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, be sure to

check out the seller carefully.

I just spent £95 + postage,

on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."

I searched on eBay for something to light my candles with...

It said, "No matches found"

Got home today from work to find all my kids have been on eBay all day..

If they are still there tomorrow, I'm lowering the starting price...

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An RCMP officer stopped at Sandy Bay First Nations and talked to an elderly Indigenous gentleman standing on the road.

He told the old man, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."

"Okay," the elder said reluctantly, "but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed to the location. The officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government...

I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam on eBay".

It still hasn't arrived.

My buddy told me he got laid off from his job reviewing vendors on eBay, Amazon, etc...

...so I said "Sorry to hear that, man. Let's go grab some meth and we'll tweak out to forget about it."

"Nah," he said. "I don't really feel like it."

"Come on," I urged. "A little crystal will do you good."

"I don't know..." he mumbled.

"Dude, let's get cranked already...

As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into Botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "stupid white man,

can't even play the didgeridoo".

I tried to sell my savings account on eBay

But I didn't get much interest.

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay earlier...

I couldn't help but wonder, what his handicap was.

What do you call a 300 pound Green Bay Packer fan?

Anorexic

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Why was 10 sent to Guantanamo Bay?

They found out he was at the middle of 9-11.

Bay A: "Requesting weather report from secondary base"

Bay B: "It's cold outside"

Why did the seal cross the bay?

To get to the otter side!

Why doesn’t a seagull fly over the bay?

Because then it’d be a bagel.

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I saw an article about a woman who tried to sell her kid on eBay. You shouldn’t sell your child on eBay. That’s something YOU made.

That shit goes on Etsy

Why don’t seagulls fly over bays?

Because then they would be bagels!

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An 18 year old supermodel is selling her virginity on eBay

For the low price of $80,000 you can have the worst sex of your life

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With all the recent name controversies, Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be renamed the Tampa Bay Tampons.

They are not the best team, but they are up there.

I just put my vacuum cleaner on eBay

Well, it was just collecting dust.

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

Mom#1- That’s it. I’m done. I’m selling the kid on eBay

Mom#2- Don’t be crazy. You made him. That goes on Etsy

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Found a used tv on eBay

It looked decent only thing was that the volume was stuck on full. Was only a fiver, couldn’t turn it down

I got scammed on eBay today

I ordered a pound of cure. Box they sent me only contained an ounce of prevention.

whats the difference between green bay and chicago

in chicago moosehead is a type of beer and in green bay it’s a felony.

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

The Confederacy could have won if they built a bridge over Chesapeake bay.

But the confederates would have a hard time getting over it

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin. A few days after the election, the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her father and says, “So, dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don't think so, Susie. It's an 18-hour drive.”

“Don't worry about it, dad! I will send Air Force One, and a limousine to pick you up at your door.”

“I don't know, Susie. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, dad,” replies Susan, “I'll make sure she ha...

I hear someone joke about selling their kid on eBay and I was appalled.

You made that child! They are a product of your creation!
.
.
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It should be on Etsy instead.

Today I got lost in eBay

It felt like the Amazon in there

A nail company name Nail Bay hired a publicity agency for a new video ad...

After 2 weeks they asked for a meeting to show the new video.

The video started with an aerial take from the desert and kept zooming into a tiny black spot, which as the zooms keep going is a cross with Jesus nailed on it.

Right after this , the screen goes black and the company logo i...

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I've put all my dogging gear up for sale on eBay.

Nobody's bought it yet but there's 14 watching.

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I ordered a penis enlarger from eBay last week.

The bastard sent me a magnifying glass.

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

Nobody Cool Ever Watches Michael Bay Movies

Because Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions

What is Michael Bay's favorite move in chess?

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I spent £96 on eBay today to buy a cheese grater once owned by Hitler and Saddam Hussein.

It was the grater of two evils.

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In my day, we never had Pirate Bay and Limewire

We had to walk two miles to the record store and shoplift that shit.

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

My grandfather has a French rifle from WW2 for sale on eBay

The description reads "never fired. Dropped once "

I always save my eBay shopping for after I come back from 4/20

That way I'm always the highest bidder

Why did M. Night Shyamalan get sent to Guantanamo Bay?

Because he's a Middle Eastern guy who has made a lot of bombs.

I downloaded a swearing dictionary from the Pirate Bay and

Received a torrent of abuse.

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?

They both love Clinton-Dix.

I bought a Saab from Neil Diamond on eBay.

Swede car online

Just sold the missus on eBay.

Well actually I sold a big box. The rest is a surprise.

I’m going to tell you a joke about eBay

You will get it the next year or so...

I tried to put up a photo of myself on eBay...

But there were too many sale fees

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I’ve decided to sell all of my dogging equipment on eBay.

I’ve not had any bids yet but 6 people are watching.

The Green Bay Packers' Defense

That's it. That's the joke. LET'S GO FALCONS!

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Why was Paschal Clarke banned from eBay?

Because he made the pa(y)pal cross.

I created this joke ten years ago and have. And now have only found a big enough platform to air it.

Thank you.

If the Vatican ordered some things from eBay,

Would they use the papal PayPal?

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I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....

Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

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Saw a tv for sale on eBay for £5. Only problem was the volume button was broken.....

How can I turn that down?

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A man swims far out into the bay...

...Suddenly he feels a hand from the deep grabbing his balls, and a voice in his head says, "plus two or minus two?"

"Plus two!" - answers the man, not quite sure what is this about. The hand releases his balls and he swims back to the shore. Everything seems to be OK, but when the adrena...

A tip for Snowden.

Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...

Guantanomo bay

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I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay

...and do away with insertion fees.

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