It's been scientifically proven that John Lennon did some much LSD in the 60s.....

That he fell in love with Yoko Ono.

Did you know that people who talk to themselves are scientifically likely to be more intelligent?

Oh, sorry. I wasn't talking to you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys.

Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.

What's the scientifically proven amount of sleep we all need in the morning?

"Just 5 more minutes."

It is scientifically proven that those who vaccinate have higher rates of autism.

Because the non-vaccinated children never lived long enough to be surveyed.

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know there's a food that's scientifically proven to kill a woman's sex drive?

Wedding Cake.

It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than...

...men who point that out.

Question: Scientifically speaking, how do you make a hormone?

Answer: don't pay her.

I recently learned that anecdotal evidence is not scientifically valid

A few friends told me how badly it went for them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I ...

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day.

I'm sorry.

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