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Researchers Jokes

Researchers have found that men complain less in the month of February.

Because it only has 28 days.

Researchers at Institute of Incomplete Statistics inform that

9 in every 100 people

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Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

Researchers have discovered a lost Hemingway novel where the main character is trying to learn a computer language.

The Old Man and the C.

Researchers have discovered a self-sustainable utopia where the recycling rate is as high as 98%

But you already know about this place. Welcome to /r/jokes.

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

5 out of six researchers conclude,

Russian roulette is complete safe.

New research on dead crows!

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definit...

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Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

Researchers at the MIT recently found out...

...

After a few minutes, they went back inside.

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A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

Pun researchers

Psychologists interested in humor wanted to know more about how people respond to puns, specifically what kinds of puns make people laugh. The compiled a list of ten representative puns, and showed them to a group of 100 people to see which of the puns would make those people laugh, and discovered t...

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered...

...that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan. Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing. Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.
...

Researchers have recently started using lawyers instead of rats in their lab experiments.

You don’t get so attached to them, and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

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During a recent archaeological dig, researchers believe they have found the worlds first tampon...

...but they don't know from what period.

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

Do you know why the researchers have to take a ship to explore the Arctic circle?

Because there's Norway beyond Scandinavia!

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Why haven’t researchers cured sex addiction yet?

Their studies are fucked.

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Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia.

However, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.

TIL that clinical researchers have found the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine can cause non sequitur.

It’s an aside effect.

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Medical researchers still haven't found a cure for premature ejaculation.

But I hear that it's coming quickly.

A group of researchers were interested in studying...

...some of the complex effects of stereotype threat in test-taking situations. Stereotype threat is a social psychology theory that states an individual may experience anxiety when they have the potential to confirm a negative stereotype, thus adversely affecting their performance on a test. For exa...

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Researchers have found that human sexuality has drastically changed in the last 50 years alone. (NSFW)

If your grandparents covered their furniture in plastic, it was because your grandmother was a squirter.

Researchers have found the leading cause of dry skin.

Towels

I heard that researchers in Antarctica have the worst, meanest personalities

They must be so cold

A rather crooked friend of mine said that he was gonna trick some nuclear researchers.

I was a little worried. I asked if it was a conCERN.

Researchers used CRISPR to encode a movie onto DNA

Time to create some viral memes

What do you call a snake that studies and researchers past events?

A hiiiiiiiistorian.

I'll see myself out.

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

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Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...

It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.

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After 175 years, researchers have finally figured out what caused the Irish Potato Famine of 1845

One of the potatoes that rose to power was named Richard. He was a Dick tater.

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Researchers have developed a groundbreaking new birth control gel for men

How it works is the man applies the gel for about two minutes and then realizes he no longer needs sex.

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

A team of researchers have figured out how to reduce the rate of new mental disorder cases by 100%!

“Stop diagnosing them.”

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

Gillette researchers are really the best

They got some cutting edge technology

Researchers have discovered that diarrhea is influenced by genetics.

Their evidence: It runs in your jeans.

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How are AIDS researchers like Jews?

There's a lot less of them than there used to be...

Harper Lee made her own alcohol several decades ago, researchers found out it's called

Tequila Mockingbird.

Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce?

Because they grew a part.

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Social experiment

Social researchers from Oxford devised an experiment to place three men from diverse cultures on an otherwise deserted island. They decided on one man from France, one from Germany, and one from Japan.

The German was told he is in charge of shelter, the Frenchman was put in charge of meals, a...

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

The doctor turned to the nurse and whispered...

"I've really had it up to here with these university researchers"

"Why's that, doc?"

"They're testing my patients!"

Why did the researchers stopped their research on embryos?

Because the subject is still to immature.

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After years of speculation, researchers have finally published a journal article documenting how long people tend to spend engaging in sexual activity.

It’s about fucking time.

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