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Saves Jokes

Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends,

This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg.

Jesus Saves!

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her cha...

Jesus Saves

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. The y had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours,...

Punctuation saves lives.

For example, there is a big difference in:

Let’s eat Grandma!

and

Let’s eat punctuation!

Jesus Saves

Moses invests...

If Christ were alive today, he'd have a huge retirement account

because Jesus saves.

Boris saves Christmas .....

Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."

Physics saves lives

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few mi...

In these times of economic hardship and a looming recession, it's important to remember that Jesus Saves!

By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

They say Jesus saves.

I wonder if he uses auto, manual or quick saves.

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

Please put on your mask. It saves lives.

Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snail saves the day

A bear, a moose, a fox, a wolf and a snail were playing cards around a table. Suddenly, the bear let out a faint roar and said:

“Guys, I’m hungry. Could someone go buy some chocolate, or whatever?”

The moose shook his head and nodded towards the fox, who irritatingly slammed his little...

My cow saves every scap of usable material.

He's recyclebull

A vowel saves another vowel’s life.

The other vowel thanks him, saying, “Aye E! I owe you!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said

“TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. ...

A man saves up for years to take his dream vacation

to a small island in the South Pacific. When he finally gets there, the sound of drums fills the air, thumpa thumpa thumpata thumpata. The man asks the porter carrying his bags, "What's up with the drums? Is it a festival or something?" The porter gets a serious look on his face and says, "If the dr...

Jesus Saves

And He always gets the rebound

Surfer saves shark by punching wife in New South Wales.

Beg your pardon. Let me read that again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle-aged woman saves money...

...for a plastic surgery. She wants to have a facelift. Finally, the big day arrives on her 47th birthday. It costs 5,000 dollars, but she feels like it was worth it. Her face is extremely beautiful and young again.

She wants to test it, though, so she goes for a walk in the city centre. She ...

Jesus saves...

...passes to Moses. He shoots -- AND SCORES!

A man saves an elephant.

While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thor...

First Aid Saves

"How come you're late?" asks the Manager as I walked through the door.

"It was awful," I explained. "I was walking down West road and there was this terrible accident. I saw a woman lying in the middle of the road. She'd been thrown from her car. Her leg was broken, her skull was fractured, ...

People always get mad when someone thanks god instead of the doctor, after the doctor saves their life in some complicated procedure...

But if I knew I was going to have 10 years of medical debt, I wouldn't thank the person that saved me either.

What do you call it when a cow saves your life?

Bovine intervention.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer shoots a criminal. A doctor comes and saves his life. Then in court, the judge sentences the criminal to death.

The doctor then says, "this is some fucking bullshit".

Local Hero saves lady from Dog

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl! He kicks the dog, it dies!

Newspapers report: "Local Hero saves lady from Dog"

Man says I'm not American

Report changed: "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"

Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani

Breaking News: "Terrorist killed I...

Satan was angry because Jesus was always so much better on the computer than he was.

So he went to God and said, "I have been practicing really hard, and although I can't beat Jesus at much of anything, I am pretty sure that I can beat him at computers. So will you set up a contest between us to see once and for all who is the best?"

God reluctantly agrees. He sets up two c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sick of everyone telling me that Jesus saves.

Why the fuck should I care what some Mexican dude does with his money?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Rescue

One day a horse and a chicken are in the field when the horse falls into a very deep mud puddle and sinks all the way up to his chin and is about to drown. He yells to the chicken "Help me help me quick - go to the farmers car and get the rope and come here as quick as you can!!"

The chicke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two cowboys walk into a bar and sit down for a drink.

A woman sitting next to them drinking her martin starts choking on her olive.

One cowboy says to the other cowboy, "I'm going to help that there woman." He looks at her and says, "Are you choking?" And she nods yes. "Do you want me to help you?" Again she nods yes.

With that, the cowbo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homeless man saves suicidal victims life.

A beautiful young lady was standing on the side of a building, contemplating suicide when a homeless man walks up and says " are you going to kill your self? " the young lady replied " YES! And your not stopping me " so he tells her " since your gonna die anyways, can we have sex before you ju...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The spoon

Customer at restaurant drops a spoon. Waiter nearby immediately replaces the dropped spoon with a clean one from his breast pocket. Next time the customer sees him, the waiter has a new spoon in his breast pocket so the customer asks about the spoon.


“The owners hired a consultant some t...

Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper

Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.

A man saves up to buy a Ferrari

He's been saving every dime, every nickel, every dollar he can, and now he finally has enough to buy a brand new Ferrari in one lump sum. For fun, he decides to withdraw the full amount and pay for the car in cash.

He goes to the dealership, goes through all the paperwork, and gives them the ...

Instead of partying, my friend goes to the woods every weekend to distract deer hunters.

That’s how he saves a few bucks.

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