Why are murders in Kentucky so hard to solve?

Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

Today, while constipated, I decided to solve a difficult math problem.

I was able to work it out with my pencil.

Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems.

But then again, neither does drinking milk.

Why's it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

Cause the DNA's all the same and there ain't no dental records.

What do you call two Orthodox Jewish brothers who solve mysteries?

The Haredi Boys

My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems

God answered his prayers.

My uncle's funeral is next week.

I saw a book on Amazon titled “How to Solve 50% of your life’s problems.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

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What do you call a constipated detective that solves cases with obvious details?

No shit sherlock.

The supermarket cashier asked if I wanted to donate food to Africa to help solve world hunger.

I said, "no thanks. World hunger will be solved a lot faster if we stop feeding them."

How do you solve a marsupial argument?

Trial by wombat

How Egyptians solve problems.

In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Everyday several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.

By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital it is often too late to sa...

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".

Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"

Then they'll leave in disgust.

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean. The only survivors are five men and a gorgeous woman

After a few days they end up on a desert island. After several failed attempts to get in contact with the outside world, they give up and come to terms with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on this island.

They quickly acquire the necessary skills to build houses and l...

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

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Who's egg is it anyways!

There was once a Irishman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Irishman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.


One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's ...

What’s one thing that can solve both world hunger and overpopulation?

Cannibalism.

How does Al Gore solve math problems?

He uses an Al-Gore-ithm

American Tourist

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of beer.

After awhile, he finds himself in a very hi...

What is in the redneck's toolkit?

- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger

These solve every problem around the house and in the family.

A man buys 2 books called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" so he could solve %100

His friend calls him a moron, saying,





"You could have read it twice!"

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.

Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.

Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within...

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems....

...if I could just get the right people to try it.

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Two firms had a row competition

A Japanese and a Finnish company decided to have 2km row competition as a publicity stunt. Both teams trained long and hard. Competition came and Japanese won by 1km.
Finnish companys leadership was shocked. But in this major crisis the leadership showed its value: They wanted to have new compet...

A student is failing his classes, so he goes to the teacher with a bet

"I will tell you a riddle. You have an entire week to solve it. If you do, I am giving you 500€, if you don't, you give me an A"

"I accept"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The teacher thinks and thinks the entire week, but d...

Tired of being constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary and arranges to have her killed.

Tired of being constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary and arranges to have her killed. A friend of a friend puts the husband in touch with a nefarious f...

How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem?

He called the SWAT team

I just figured out how to solve two of the worlds biggest problems

Get the hungry to eat the homeless

You try

Spell the word 'cow' in 13 letters – a question asked in a competitive exam Intellectuals went mad analyzing it. Highly-reputed professors were stumped thinking what could be the answer. Lecturers debated that the question itself was wrong, maybe there was a printing mistake, etc. Toppers were confu...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

The mystery of how my luggage worked has been solved.

It was an opened and shut case.

I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are interviewing for a cryptanlyst position. To understand how they approach a problem, the interviewer asks each of them to solve one plus one.

The mathematician responds first, and says, "It is trivial to prove that a unique solution exists." The physicist goes next, and says "The answer will virtually always lie between 1.99 and 2.01." And finally, engineer says, "It looks to be about two, but let's play it safe and call it three."

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You m...

My girlfriend says that I never solve my own problems.

How do I prove her wrong?

What kind of math does an Owl like to solve?

Owl-gebra.

Me: I want to be a pathologist and help solve crimes doing autopsies.

Skeptical girlfriend: Autopsies are a dying profession.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

What do you call an aquatic reptile that solves crimes?

An investi-gator.

Solve this math problem: 230 - 220 x 0.5

You may not believe it, but the answer is 5!

Water can solve all your problems..

Want to lose weight?
Drink water.

Clear Face?
Drink water.

Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..

I'm not happy with my new Quantum Computer

Every time I try to solve a problem it collapses

Doctor Doctor

A newly graduated doctor opened a clinic with a novel idea to bring in patients. If he were able to solve the patient’s problem he would charge them $500. However, if he couldn’t treat the patient, he would give them $1,000.


The new doctor was soon making more money than the old doctor’s ...

One woman and four men had a plane accident and they landed on a deserted island

They all manage to survive and build their shelter. But slowly having four men for one woman becomes a problem. The men decide to solve the problem by not fighting but talkind and they decide that the woman should spend a week with each of them one by one. So they went to the woman and told the plan...

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

£20 will solve the problem

There was a man who drank a lot. His wife said, “If you ever come home drunk again, i am going to leave you.”

Anyway, he went down to the pub and got drunk, and threw up all over himself. He said to his friend, “i cant go home, because my wife is going to leave me.”

His friend said, “t...

I bought three sniffer dogs, to try and solve the drug problem in my area.

Thankfully, they managed to find me some.

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

How did the Professor of Electromagnetism solve a complicated problem?

He used inductive reasoning

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

The police chief in desperation hired a quality assurance officer to check what was wrong.

The QA officer proposed that if the chief’s detectives can solve all murders committed by him, then he w...

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and...

You should always try and solve your problems while standing...

Cause it helps you think on your feet.

What did the dancing queen use to solve her math problems?

An ABBA-cus.

A man’s wife tells him if he comes home drunk one more time she’ll divorce him.

Later that night he’s at the pub and gets so drunk that he pukes all over his shirt.

“Oh no! I’m in big trouble now. My wife said she’ll divorce me if i come home drunk again!”

His friend tells him not to worry. “Just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket, and when she sees yo...

Engineers solving a problem

A guy goes on a trip with 3 Friends; an electrical engineer, a physics engineer and an IT specialist. Few hours into the trip the car breaks down. The electrical engineer says: "Well i know this issue, there must be some problems with the electronics of this car". The physics engineer says "Of cours...

As an atheist I find tell my maths teacher I shouldn't have to solve exponential factors

because I don't believe in higher powers

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

Oldie but goodie

During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not...

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

Steve and the other passengers had to solve a number of clues in order to figure out where the ship they boarded was headed that day. Which cruise were they on?

Blue's Cruise

An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position

Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.


Applicant: Yes


Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?


Applicant: 250!


Interviewer: That's way off.


Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.

Four students are in the car that breaks down

First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."

Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."

Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there...

I'm going to write a TV show about a detective living in Hawaii who uses mathematics to solve crimes in a circular fashion

that's right, Magnum Pi.

A Blonde Tries To Solve A

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it...

Once, there was a man

Once there was a man, this man had a problem. Because of this problem, he decided to go to a psychologist. He got in the car and went to the psychologist. She went inside and sat.

Psychologist: "tell me. What kind of trouble are you having?“he said. He said, " Every time I try to sleep, I ca...

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Toilet paper hoarding mystery has been solved.

When one person sneezes nine shit themselves.

Bad dream

A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.

Doctor : what seems to be the problem?

Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.

Doctor: for how long?

Guy: must be a weak or so.

Doctor: okay, we'll solve this ...

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A doctor is visiting a remote village

A man comes to him and says, "Big Chief, no shit"

The doctor pours him a small amount of castor oil and tells him it should solve the problem.

Next day, the man goes to the doctor again and says, "Big Chief, no shit"

The doctor pours a little more castor oil and tells him it wi...

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

The way to solve the opioid problem is to legalize the drugs,

but only sell them through Comcast customer service.

A problem the Rabbi can't solve

A Jewish man goes to his Rabbi and says "Rabbi, I have a problem. My son is converting to Christianity and I can't do a thing about it." The Rabbi answers, "You know Moishe, I have the same problem. Let's go talk to the Chief Rabbi. Maybe he can help us out." So they set out to see the Chief Rabbi. ...

They said essential oils would solve all my problems.

I tried it but my car still won't start.

A mathematician wants more excitement and wants to become a volunteer fireman on the weekends

He goes through the training, and proceeds to take the written final exam.

Question 1: You come across a car that is flipped upside down and on fire with the driver still in it. What do you do?

The mathematician answers with the steps he was taught in training.

Question 2: You ...

How many U.S. politicians does it take the solve climate change?

Trick question: U.S. politicians can't solve anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to solve Global Warming:

Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

If 56 = 7*D then how do we solve for D?

8=D

Just the head

A family living in an old village have a son that is a bit slow. He failed high school three times. The husband says to his wife: "if Ahmed passes this time, we are sacrificing a sheep and giving it's head to the Imam".
The woman doesn't think anything of it, he did pass the past three times, why...

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pothead, a math teacher, and a gym teacher all go to heaven.

God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself. The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell. The gym teacher ask...

The chicken or the egg: I have solved the riddle

The rooster came first

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

My Grandma thought moving into house boat on an African river would solve all her money problems.

She's living in denial.

How do dragon-type Pokemon solve their disputes?

They let bagons be bagons

A blonde calls her husband who is at work

"Honey, I need your help. I just bought a puzzle at walmart and I really don't know how to solve it. It's so hard that I can't even combine two pieces."

"That's annoying my love. Does the box say how many pieces it has?"

"No, it doesn't say."

"Is there at least a picture of the ...

This year my News Year’s resolution was to solve world hunger. My first step is to feed all the homeless

to bears.

Trump solves an edumacation problem

The Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, comes running into the oval office and says, "Mr president! Mr president! I just found out fully HALF the population is below average intelligence. What can we do about it?" Trump thinks for a moment and tells her "See what you can do to increase the lower hal...

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