Solve Jokes

The answer is 5!

Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

...if I could just get the right people to try it.

After some struggle, the coworker finds that he can't figure out the answer in just one day, so the next day he tells the mathematician that he'll need two more days to find a proper solution.

Two more days pass and he still can't solve the equation, so he goes back and asks him for just thre... read more

I read it twice, now I’m problem free.

How do I prove her wrong?

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

Sheer Luck Holmes

In April 1998, Roger Ebert published his review of Paulie, a movie about a talking bird on a road trip. He wrapped up the essay with a joke he claims to have made up.

"On the other hand, just to be fair, I should mention that parrots make great subjects for jokes. I know about a dozen, includ... read more

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can't seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies "I've been working on the puzzle forever but can't figure it... read more

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i... read more

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

… but then again, neither does milk.

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"

I wish they'd just teach the X to move on and solve it's own problems.

I was able to work it out with my pencil.

Want to lose weight? Drink water.

Want clearer skin? Drink water.

Suffer from migraines? Drink water.

People causing you anxiety? Drown them in water.

A Jewish man goes to his Rabbi and says "Rabbi, I have a problem. My son is converting to Christianity and I can't do a thing about it." The Rabbi answers, "You know Moishe, I have the same problem. Let's go talk to the Chief Rabbi. Maybe he can help us out." So they set out to see the Chief Rabbi. ... read more

We know…Hilfiger it out.

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Ai... read more

In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Everyday several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.

By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital it is often too late to sa... read more

So I bought 2

Depends on how you cook them

has Now problems. two he

His friend calls him a moron, saying,





"You could have read it twice!"

So I wiped out a small European nation. Thanks to my actions, there are now no more Hungary people left in the world.

Oh it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time.

Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no Police like Holmes.

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Gaslighting.

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett... read more

He uses an Al-Gore-ithm

God answered his prayers.

My uncle's funeral is next week.

Trial by wombat

The Haredi Boys

There was a man who drank a lot. His wife said, “If you ever come home drunk again, i am going to leave you.”

Anyway, he went down to the pub and got drunk, and threw up all over himself. He said to his friend, “i cant go home, because my wife is going to leave me.”

His friend said, “t... read more

Even though the box said 2-4 years.

What starts with an "E" and ends with an "E", but only has one letter?

What am I?

World hunger and overpopulation.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea... read more

Naturally I ordered two copies.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka... read more

It has its limits

The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.

Have the hungry eat the homeless.

A guy goes on a trip with 3 Friends; an electrical engineer, a physics engineer and an IT specialist. Few hours into the trip the car breaks down. The electrical engineer says: "Well i know this issue, there must be some problems with the electronics of this car". The physics engineer says "Of cours... read more

Elementary my dear!

He called the SWAT team

He was stumped.

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".

Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"

Then they'll leave in disgust.

That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

He used inductive reasoning

I tried it but my car still won't start.

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of ea... read more

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

They played Barack Paper Scissors

They let bagons be bagons

Cause it helps you think on your feet.

An investi-gator.

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"... read more

An ABBA-cus.

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug... read more

Skeptical girlfriend: Autopsies are a dying profession.

With a solution!

The Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, comes running into the oval office and says, "Mr president! Mr president! I just found out fully HALF the population is below average intelligence. What can we do about it?" Trump thinks for a moment and tells her "See what you can do to increase the lower hal... read more

Cats: There's a nap for that.

It was an opened and shut case.

but only sell them through Comcast customer service.

but graphing is where I draw the line!

They found a dead body dumped in a ditch. Next to the body was a concrete block with blood on it. The detectives took the concrete block to run some tests on it.

Detective 1 said, “The blood matches the victim, and it seems like all fingerprints were wiped! This evidence is useless!”.
... read more