Jesus Saves Jokes

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. The y had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours,... read more

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her cha... read more

because Jesus saves.

Moses invests...

By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

I wonder if he uses auto, manual or quick saves.

So he went to God and said, "I have been practicing really hard, and although I can't beat Jesus at much of anything, I am pretty sure that I can beat him at computers. So will you set up a contest between us to see once and for all who is the best?"

God reluctantly agrees. He sets up two c... read more

And He always gets the rebound

...passes to Moses. He shoots -- AND SCORES!

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that t... read more

A Christian university student was working on his thesis late one night, praying that Jesus would watch over him and make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. Around 2:00 AM, he got really tired, so he immediately powered off his computer and went to bed. When he woke up in the morning, he thought ... read more

It's a close battle and they're down to the last word, when boom! Power outage!

When the power outage is resolved, all of the Devil's progress was lost, but Jesus only had one word to type!

Moral of the story: Jesus saves, and so should you.

Why is Jesus so bad at hockey?

He always gets nailed to the boards!

He’s a good goalie though, because JESUS SAVES!

Christianity... because Jesus saves

They want to see who is the best programmer.

So the first challenge is screens. It's a tie.

Then Assembly. Tie again.

Web Design. Tie again.

Challenge after challenge nobody is winning. So after like five days the power fails. So they wait for it to come back on. Th... read more

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd... read more

Because he always told them that Jesus saves.

Because Jesus saves...

After countless years of Jesus being in the spotlight, the Devil had had enough. He issued a challenge to Jesus; whoever writes the longest story on Microsoft Word wins. Jesus accepts, and they get to it. After hours and hours of frantic typing, there is suddenly a power cut. The Devil is furious, w... read more

It's not well known but the final battle between Jesus and Satan is actually a computer programming battle. Armageddon arrives and the battle begins. Jesus and Satan are both tasked with the most complicated programming task ever given. This is the type of task even Linus Torvalds would declare i... read more

Because Jesus saves

when Peter asks, “Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don’t you buy something like a new boat, or a palace?” The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter’s shoulder and says, “Jesus saves.”

God tells Satan and Jesus they are supposed to create the perfect computer program.

Satan starts off strong and within the first fifteen minutes has the rough architecture of his program figured out and designed.

30 minutes in and Satan is cruising along. Satan is getting all the laye... read more

They have to perform many complicated tasks in everything from programming to installing Acrobat Reader. They work feverishly for hours and are nearing the end of the competition when the power fails. The power comes back on and Jesus gets back to work and finishes. The Devil has lost all his work a... read more

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers, when they decided to see for sure by having a contest. Whoever could demonstrate greater skill, as judged by God, would be deemed the winner. So the two sat down at their computers and began typing, furiously creating spreadsheets, da... read more

When the man gets to the ranch, he asks the owner if he can ride of the horses. The owner replies “Looks like we have one horse you can ride, however this horse is a little different than our other horses”.

The man asks “How so?”

“This horse is religious. I ride this horse to church, i... read more

One day, both Jesus and Satan got into an argument over who was better at computers. This debate lasted for so long that God decided to step in and declare a contest - each would compete against the other in a series of computer-related tasks to determine computer superiority once and for all. God w... read more