Why did the toad evade his taxes?

He was Kermiting frog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re-phrase that."

The woman sa...

"Nothing is certain but death and taxes"

Unless you're Trump apparently

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him

but this isn't even my final form.

Another good thing to come out of the Supreme Court forcing Trump to disclose his taxes

We're gonna finally learn if having teenage hookers pee on your face is claimed as entertainment expense or medical.

A man enters a shop with a spooky shopkshopkeeper Spooky shopkeeper: You may take whatever you like,but beware,everything comes with a price... Man :Yes I know how shops work Spooky shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.... Man:Yes I know how taxes work too

Spooky shopkeeper: You may take whatever you like,but beware,everything comes with a price...
Man :Yes I know how shops work
Spooky shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay....
Man:Yes I know how taxes work too

A hooker is preparing her taxes...

comes across a field where she is to specify her job details.

Occupation: Contractor

Details: demolition of temporary erections

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years but they’re having a really hard time…

…putting their case together.

Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes?

He’s afraid of the Sea’s Fee.

What did the pop star say when she learned she owed back taxes?

Lorde.

Why shouldn’t atheists pay taxes?

They are not for prophets

Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it?

That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Prison vs. At Work

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.

AT WORK...You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.

AT WORK...You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... You get time off for good be...

I’m selling a broken marionette. There is no shipping fee, no taxes, or any extra cost.

There are no strings attached.

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

“May I help you, sir?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the ma...

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

It’s absolutely disgusting the way people cheat on their taxes...

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

I was woken up by a phone call telling me I’ve committed tax fraud

They must have had the wrong number cause I don’t pay taxes

If you can't afford to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare. If you refuse to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare.

They'll even throw in an orange jumpsuit.

What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ?

The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.

Why don't Atheist churches have to pay taxes?

Because they're a non-prophet organization

What's the difference between taxes and my uncle

At least my uncle takes me out to dinner

It is said that there are 2 constants, taxes and death. but with coming technology it may be possible to remove one!

That's right, Death!

Just taught my kids about taxes

by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Where do actors that don't pay taxes perform?

in the audit-orium

There are three certainties in life:

Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.

Taxes are like antibacterial gel.

They only effective against the 99%

Joke about cursed shop

Me: Oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!

Spooky shopkeeper: Yes, but I will warn you... every item comes with a price...

Me:Yes, I know how shops work.

Spooky shopkeeper: The price will be more than you expect to pay!!

Me:Yes, I know how taxes work.

S...

Americans really get angry about politicians not paying taxes...

but they forget that their country is independent because some politicians didn't want to pay taxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life and my taxes fall in the same category.

Married, but filing separately.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,

Try not paying your taxes.

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

I asked my Republican friend if he though Amazon should pay taxes

He said "Of course, they're not a church"

We're not in Kansas anymore

Donald Trump is campaigning in Kansas. Suddenly, without a warning, there's a giant tornado and he’s turning, tumbling, and transported to a strange and distant field.

He calls for help but nobody answers. He tries his phone but there’s no signal. He waits for the Secret Service to come pick ...

My dyslexic dad got a letter in the post saying he's been dodging taxes.

After reading it he said: "But I never take a cab anywhere."

What do you call people who live off other people's taxes on an estate?

The Royal Family

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on my phone reading the news waiting in the supermarket checkout line. A dude came up and asked me, “what’s in the news tonight?”

Me: “Man who pays no taxes returns to government provided housing after receiving free medical treatment from taxpayer funded healthcare.”

Dude: “sounds like some libtard bullshit.”

Me: “Yeah, here is another - Husband of immigrant woman ignores government health guidelines and possibl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day, thousands of people come into this country and begin draining our resources. They don’t pay taxes, have no skills, and not even a basic grasp of our language.

Babies are fucking useless

Every German citizen contributes to their country through taxes...

So I guess Germany runs on krautfunding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taxes are like necrophelia

You’re already dead but you’re fucked anyway

Don't worry if you have been cheating on your taxes.

It'll be fine.

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're god damn right I'm xenophobic!

They're always causing problems, they kill people indiscriminately and I don't know what's worse, the acid blood or their little mouth in a mouth thing. Xenomorphs can just dick right off, and I'd bet they don't pay their taxes.


Sorry this joke has been in my head for like 3 days.

Where does a pirate go to do his taxes?

H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)

I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

Grade school was strange...

...they have drills for mass shootings but don’t teach you how to do your taxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having prositutes do your taxes after sex

is an efficient use of the entire hour.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

My accountant is tired from doing too many taxes.

He developed H&R block.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly deceased Englishman, stands at the pearly gates

St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. The Englishman, decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heav...

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

A citizen was cited for a tax investigation in the IRS.

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress.


-"Use rags, they'll think you're a beggar," the accountant replied.

When he asked his lawyer, he told him the exact opposite:

-'Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie'


Confused, t...

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