People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me...

This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.

Don't worry if you have been cheating on your taxes.

It'll be fine.

What do you call people who live off other people's taxes on an estate?

The Royal Family

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

I asked my Republican friend if he though Amazon should pay taxes

He said "Of course, they're not a church"

Where does a pirate go to do his taxes?

H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)

I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

My accountant is tired from doing too many taxes.

He developed H&R block.

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

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Having prositutes do your taxes after sex

is an efficient use of the entire hour.

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes and Sean Bean dying in a movie

...and I'm not completely sure about the first two.

I never use TurboTax to file my taxes.

I'm just not Intuit.

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

What do you call a Sith Lord who doesn’t pay taxes?

A tax e-vader.

How does yoda feel about extra taxes on alcohol?

Backwards, the sintax is.

May the 4th be with you!

Boss: "and this is what you'll be making before taxes"

Employee: "that's gross"

They say we should pay our taxes with a smile...

I tried, but they wanted cash.

My girlfriend keeps insisting I should do her taxes...

I already told her I'm not intuit.

Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes

His name was Sir Charge

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

Not a dime of our taxes was used to buy bookmarks....

Politicians prefer to bend a page over.

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The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth

The IRS still wants to fuck you.

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The local synagogue is having their taxes audited...

The IRS agent goes through the audit normally, and finds nothing wrong with the synagogue's taxes. Eager to find something amiss, he looks around and sees the candles burning. "Rabbi Rabinowitz," he begins, "what do you do with the drippings from the candles you burn?"
The Rabbi quickly repli...

There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes...

...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

The Best Way To Teach Your Kids About Taxes...

Is By Eating 30% Of Their Ice cream

The only constants in life are taxes, death, and...

99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea

If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders...

And the population of Canada.

Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!

Golf is a lot like taxes -

you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

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Last day for your taxes

A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the ...

I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes...

He's great at making deductions.

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Blowjobs are like paying your taxes.

If you don't do it, you are going to be fucked.

There is a one difference between death and taxes...

...at least death doesn't get worse every time congress meets.

Another day, another dollar...

50¢ after taxes.

Why did the libertarian cross the road

He didn’t. Because roads are paid with taxes and taxation is theft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Tax time

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"

"I'm a lady of the ni...

Whoever wins the MegaMillions jackpot will make history

They'll be the first billionaire to pay taxes

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

The Three-Legged Pig

An insurance salesman decides to make one last cold call on his country route and winds up way in the back country at the end of a dirt road. He drives up to the farm, gets out of the car with his briefcase, and walks up to the door. On his way, he glances at the fenced in area attached to the bar...

A man was caught in a river current and hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away.



Nasrudin and a friend noticed him, and the friend went up to him, extended his arm, and said, "Give me your hand so I can help you out."

The man, however, did not cooperate.

Nasrudin then asked the man what he did for a living.

"I collect taxes," the other replied.
...

If i had a dollar for every time Donald Trump said something dumb,

I probably wouldn’t pay my taxes either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would not say that i am ugly

But women have sex with me because it can be deducted on the taxes as charity

If you're trying to get f**ked today...

... Do your taxes 2 months early!

A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...

Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford ...

One of my 9th graders told me this joke. A guy was being investigated by the IRS...

A guy was being investigated by the IRS. After dodging the agent for weeks, his family convinced him to go get a lawyer and go talk to the irs agent.

The guy goes to see the lawyer and they ride together to the IRS office to see what the problem is.

The IRS agent meets the guy and te...

Two Irishmen were walking down a street in London.

Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says: "Murphy, will you look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive!"

Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are. Suits £10, Shirts £4, Trousers £5, I think that we should buy the lot and take...

A six-year-old girl runs into her backyard and sees her neighbor raking leaves...

She runs to him and says proudly “My mommy taught me all about politics today!”

“That’s great! So are you a Republican or a Democrat?” he asks.

“A demmycrat!”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, demmycrats believe in helping the poor. So they take some money from everyone and give it ...

Congress wanted to make a "US tour" so that they could meet and greet the citizens

So they gather all up and jump into a bus, you know, to make people think they were not spending the people's taxes on plane tickets.


They start going to the major cities and doing their charade but then they didn't arrive to their next destination. Investigation starts and the police fin...

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The King and the Fucker on the bridge

Once upon a time there lived a king who wanted to test the loyalty of his subjects. He raised heavy taxes on his people and demanded high rent for the land.

There were no complaints. None.

The king summoned one of his officers and instructed him to collect one gold coin from everyone p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prison vs Work

Prison | Work
:--:|:--:
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. | You spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
You get 3 meals a day. | You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
The guard locks and unlock doors for you. | You must carry a card and unl...

Why did the chiropractor go bankrupt?

He owed too much in back taxes.

Vintage Political Joke from Lyndon B. Johnson Administration

Below is a joke sheet that circulated around my grandfather's workspace many years ago.

Warning: This is extremely offensive, do not read if you're easily offended.



Dear Friend,

We have the distinguished honor of being members of a committee to raise $50,000,000 to be us...

HR: "Why should we hire you?"

Me: Because I want to pay taxes instead of living off of it.

There's three things in life that are certain...

Death, taxes, and if you bring a black light in your son's room you'll be horrified.

A joke told to me by a tour guide while in Scotland

One night, a Scottish distillery caught fire and burnt all night. One million bottles of Scotch Whiskey were destroyed and gave the fire a bright blue flame.

The next morning a local news station began interviewing the locals in a nearby village about the fire. Everyone they asked agreed tha...

Why did the dyslexic man get thrown out of the Texas Republican rally?

TAXES!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

Only 2 things are certain in this world -

Death, taxes, and my inability to count

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 things are fr certain in life

Death

Taxes

Someone giving you shit about misspelling your title on a Reddit post

It's hard being an Indian guy in USA, you get profiled all the time. Last night a cop pulled me over and ..

.. asked me to do his taxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When The postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA they decided to send it to President Trump.

Trump was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

He thought ...

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