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What's the difference between a car and a compliment?

I don't hit people with compliments very often.

I get a lot of compliments about my feet...

Some say they're legends!...

Leg. Ends.

I'll see myself out!

Came home with marksheet

During my school days, I came home with a mark sheet showing 90 marks scored by me in an exam hoping to get compliments from my Dad.

However, once my dad took a glance of it, he said I added the 0 on the Mark Sheet to make it 90 and whacked me to kingdom heaven.

I told him honestly t...

A woman was in town on a shopping trip.

She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.



It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible ca...

A doctor walks into a bar...

He orders a daiquiri, and the bartender serves him up. After finishing his drink, he compliments the bartender, saying, "that's the best daiquiri I've ever had!"

The next day, the doctor returns and orders another daiquiri, the bartender serves him, the doctor drinks it down and again complim...

How many compliments does it take to get to a guy's heart?

You guys are getting compliments?

>!one every five years or so!<

Bomb Compliments

“You da bomb!”

“No, you da bomb!”

It’s a compliment in America but an argument in Al Quaida meeting.

Jacket

I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.

A girl goes up to you and compliments you.

That was the joke.

How can I pay my compliments to the doctor who circumcised me?

I just feel like leaving a tip wasn't enough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As Farmer Brown approached his neighbor’s barn, he saw Farmer Jones serenading a tractor with songs and compliments. “What are you doing?” Farmer Brown demanded. Farmer Jones replied, “My wife and I have been having marital difficulties and the marital counselor said I needed to do something..."

"...sexy to a tractor.”

Putin brings a flight attendant back to his dacha

While attending tea with an airline workers union, Russian president Putin notices one flight attendant hanging on his every word. He compliments her on her patriotism and brings her back for a tour of his dacha.

When they get there she says to him, “how about I be the Ukraine, and you invade...

I like my compliments like I like my eggs..

Well done.

A Man Compliments His Wife.

One night, a wife and her husband are laying in the bed with nothing but silence between them.

The wife glances over to her husband and asks: "You know, I've always wondered how you would briefly describe me. You did marry me afterall".

The husband ponders her question and then says: "...

The other day I was fishing for compliments

The coast guard told me I was VERY good at violating provincial hunting and fishing laws

Here's a bit of family-friendly ADD humor, compliments of my wife and daughter

So, my wife, children, and myself were out in town the other day. My wife was reprimanding our daughter for not listening and for not paying attention to things going on. The conversation went as follows (names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved):

Jane (wife): Jill, I ...

How are you at taking back handed compliments?

I bet you're really good at it.

I've been told that red wine compliments a steak.

But so far my glass hasn't said anything nice at all.

Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments!

Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Compliments

If sex between 3 people is called a threesome and sex between 2 people is called a twosome...then why is handsome still a compliment?

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...

He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"

The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"

\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"

Smile, nod, "thank you!"

"Some high-quality bait, too."

Big smi...

A wife told her husband she looks fat so she asked for a compliment

Her husband instantly compliments her saying "you have excellent eyesight."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I stopped by the optician's to pick up my new glasses.

Once the optician finished he minor adjustments, my wife looked up at me and said, "Wow, you look amazing! Like Clark Kent!" It made me smile...

We had other errands to run, and the compliments just kept coming; "You look like a movie star! So sexy!" Man, I felt great. In fact this kept up f...

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