Don't trust someone who disrespects Old Glory by coloring in the white stripes

That's just a big red flag

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I wanted to describe my girlfriend's aesthetic, but "big tiddy goth gf" seemed too disrespectful.

So now I say she's a wiccan thick'n ready for a dickin'.

People are so disrespectful these days, I was at the church when a woman lit up a cigarette right in front of me

I got so shocked I almost dropped my beer

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Today I snapped and spanked one of my students for being disrespectful in class.

My son better be more respectful to me during this quarantine school situation.

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Guy goes to mass at St. Peter's Basilica...

Sitting opposite him in the front row are two hobos. Throughout the entire mass, the hobos are eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor.

The man is very angry at this, and decides he's going to give the hobos a piece of his mind after the mass is over.

However, at the concl...

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[long] So this guy is working at his jewelry store when a little guy walks in with a stunning, beautiful girl

The jeweler helps the odd couple and keeps showing them all kinds of jewelry. It's the first time he sees this guy, so he pushes the typical, "most affordable" stuff, but the guy doesn't seem to concerned about the prices so he continues showing them even more expensive stuff.

After almost a...

A lion and lioness are just sitting in a jungle.

A lion and lioness are just sitting in a jungle.

A dog comes around and starts insulting them. The lioness asks the lion,

"Are you going to just listen or are you going to do anything about this disrespect?"

The lion ignores the lioness. The lioness couldn't take the abuse any m...

Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.

A woman stopped, “excuse me young man, but I’ll have you know that those can take years off of your life.”

“No disrespect ma’am, but I’ll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.”

“Did he smoke also?”

“No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.”

An old joke about the Gurkhas

During the second world war a company of Germans were in the desert when a voice called out from behind a sand dune: "One Gurkha can kill five Germans!" Irritated by this the German captain sends a couple of soldiers round to sort out this man out, nobody disrespects the German army.

Moments ...

Ted had been on his phone constantly at every funeral he had been to.

It was quite disrespectful of him. So at this most recent one, I told him: “I think you’re addicted.”

Horse walks into a bar...

Horse walks into a bar, the barman says “why the long face”.

The horse looks disappointed, and says “that’s a shame that I come into this bar expecting to relax but instead get treated with disrespect and stereotyped for my looks in the assumption that I don’t have feelings”.

The barma...

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

Ubisoft giving out copies of Unity for free is so disrespectful

First theirs a cathedral burning everyone needs to worry about now Ubisoft is sending dumpster fires to everyone

I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet?

“Why didn’t you become a real doctor?”

Kermit is so disrespectful

He didn’t even say a thing at Jim Henson’s funeral

What do you call a disrespectful chicken?

A rudester.

An old Joke that used to make my friends laugh.

Disclaimer: I am using nationalities, but I mean no offense or disrespect.

3 men die and are sent to hell. American, Bhuddist monk and a russian. They meet the devil. The sevil says:

"I will allow you to leave and go to heaven, if you can endure 3 lashes from my whip without screaming...

What do you call a bone that disrespects God?

A Blasfemur

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A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus.

The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthr...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

Where do dead James Bond actors go when they die?

00Heaven (no disrespect meant, just remembered it now)

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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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I saw my disrespectful co-worker today she was hot.

"Wow, words can't describe how pretty you are." I said walking up to her.


She then replied looking at me as if I was a creep: "Uh thanks.. weirdo"


"But numbers can" I smirked.


"2/10. Bitch."

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An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.

The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.

The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”

The Italian sa...

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Lost virginity

An 18 year old son promised his parents to return from prom by 2 AM the latest.

Time goes by as his parents eagerly waiting at home to hear how it went. Soon it is 2:00 and still no sign of the son. Then 2:30. The parents get a little worried because there is no sign of their son. At 3:00 th...

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A City doctor visits a tribal community.

A city doctor once visits a tribal community. He starts asking various questions.

He asked “how do you guys relieve sexual tension?”

“ Just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you.

”The next day the doctor shows up the river bank and notices a group of men and a donke...

[Long] They were twins, a guy, Ving, and a girl, Ling. Both very good friends of mine.

One day, Ving asks if I would do him a favour. I said, “Sure”. He asks me to drive him to the city hall after work. He says he wants to change his name to something more American.

I agreed. So after work I'm driving Ling and Ving to the city hall, and I see Ling is giving Ving the cold should...

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A lion and a lioness and resting in a shade of a tree. All of a sudden a rabbit comes, slaps the lion in the face and runs off.

The lion just chuckles.

The Lioness is pissed: "Why did you let him slap you? Are you not the king of the animals? This is a major disrespect. Go kill that little shit!"

The lion replies calmly: "Dear, the rabbit is small and stupid - he doesn't know what he is doing...".

In a ...

I showed a friend my 2 month old glass of milk.

He said "That is absolutely disgusting". So I told him not to disrespect my culture.

Be nice to windows

When a sheet of glass is disrespected, it experiences extreme discomfort for up to twelve minutes after.
This phenomenon is called window pain

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea-rex!

Just kidding, calling the Queen that would be a bit disrespectful.

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An octopus walks into a bar [NSFW]

An octopus walks into a bar and the bartender immediately turns to him and says “Hey buddy, we don’t serve your kind here! You have to leave!” The octopus, feeling disrespected, retorts. “Well why not? I can do anything any of you can do!”

The bartender looks at him, discontent. “Really? Well...

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One African immigrant works as a street cleaner

He hates his job. People disrespect him. A friend of him, working as him, coming from the same village, tells him to quit. The guy refuses, says he has a family to take care and keeps cleaning.


His friend tells him to stop and to look at the shop. He sees some crocodile leather shoes sold...

A pastor and and an airline pilot meet St Nick at the Gates to Heaven. The airline pilot is first to approach the saint

Peter: Name and profession please

Pilot: John Williams, Ryanair pilot.

Peter: *riffles through a massive book* John Williams...John Williams... umm... ah yes!

Peter: clicks his fingers and a beautiful silk robe and ornate golden staff appear out of thin air.

Peter: please...

Bad Dog

One winter day, a guy was walking down the street when he saw a mangy old dog lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It was covered in flies and seemed to be barely alive. Rather than try to help it, the guy gave it a sharp kick and laughed as it limped away.

Without warning, the guy became a s...

A concert pianist makes mistakes during a performance

Over and over the renowned musician kept making little blunders here and there, and critics in the audience were very aware. After the recital, one commentator said, "no disrespect, but you played everything from memory and had quite a few slip-ups. Just having a bad night?"


Looking a lit...

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A young couple gets married....

....and on their honeymoon, the young man asks his bride for a blow job. She refuses, saying "I'm afraid if I do that you won't respect me anymore". The husband assures her he would always respect her but she refuses.

Every year, on their anniversary the man makes the same request and the w...

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A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

My girlfriend told me that the way I treated her....

My girlfriend told me that the way I treated her, cheating on her, coming home at all hours of the night, disrespecting her parents, never helping around the house, running up her credit cards, hitting on her best friends, and the callousness with which I did it all, was inconceivable.

I said...

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

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Peach = Butt

A mother was teaching her two home school kids so she drew a peach on the board and asked them what it was, they both said butt, she was furious and kept asking and getting the same answer, she called their dad and told him that the kids are being disrespectful, the dad said “ You have to respect yo...

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A chocolate company was making chocolates shaped like a woman's ass.

Some "upstanding citizens" demanded that they discontinue the product, as they claimed it was lewd and disrespectful. They staged a large, loud protest outside the factory.

This upset another group of citizens, who thought the company should make what they like, and the protestors should min...

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Woman gets perved on while her massive boyfriend is in the restroom

When her giant of a boyfriend returns she tells him that the weird looking guy at the bar had perved on her while he was away.
 

She says that the guy said he wanted to unbutton her blouse and jiggle her big ol’ titties. Her boyfriend stands up and says “right I’m having a word w...

Communication 101

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter dis...

Fergie sang that anthem so bad

Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the anthem like that

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The Bank Deposit

A man walks into a bank and goes up to the counter, "I want to open a fucking checking account." The banker is completely shocked at what she heard, "Sir, could you please not use that kind of language in here." "What's your problem. All I want to do is open a fucking checking account!" "Sir, please...

The Indian That Never Forgets

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

An Army captain receives a message

The message says, that the father of one Private Miller just died. So after morning drill he yells: "Private Miller step forward!"

The private does as ordered and the captain yells: "Miller, your father died. Now get back in line so I can continue the drill!"

A general overhears this a...

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Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone
4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christma...

Respect

If you use the term "respectively" respectfully or you use the term "respectively" disrespectfully, I have a lot of respect for you and I disrespect you, respectively.

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Three construction workers have been on a new job together for a little over a week...

There's an Italian, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Every day they eat their lunch on the top floor of the building they're working on, about 30 floors up. One day when the Italian opens his lunch pail he realizes that his wife has packed him meatballs for the tenth time in ten days. The Mexic...

There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...

Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?

I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from ...

A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat?

My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.

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A cop is about to give a ticket to a man...

And the man says:

Can I ask you something?
If an officer gives me an unfair ticket, could I call him an asshole?

To what the cop replies:

Well that would get you a 300$ ticket for disrespecting authority

And the man says:

And What about an asshole? Could I call...

My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died

I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died.

Back in the early nineties, the Byrds lost two of their original band members.

Gene Clark (tambourine and vocals) and Michael Clarke (drums) died in 1991 and 1993, respectively. Not a lot of people know this, but shortly after finishing his term as our 41st president, George H. W. Bush actually joined the Byrds during a special memorial concert held in Florida, near the home o...

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