Disregard Jokes - 21 Hilarious Disregard Jokes

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question, a superfluously expanded vocabulary, and a blatant disregard for previously established axioms?

A punchline.

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is leaving his wife for a week and has concerns about her straying while away.

He visits a number of adult toy stores looking for something that will keep his wife "busy" while he's gone. After hours of searching he eventually stumbles into a Chinese Herb and Erotic Tincture shop in Chinatown. After telling the old man running the store of his dilemma, the old shopkeeper think...

Why shouldn't you start a war with China?

Because they'll show a Wonton disregard for human life.

We all know the story about Eve eating the apple in the Garden of Eden...

But God also forbade Eve from bathing in the nearby river. One day God came down from heaven to find Eve disregarding his command, washing herself in the river.

God put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Dammit! I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish."

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quick...

YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS!

If you have already paid, please disregard this message.

An elderly woman called 911...

An elderly woman called 911 from her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.

"They've stolen everything! My radio is gone, my center console is gone, my mirror and the rosary beads hanging from it...even the steering wheel!"

The dispatcher responds that an officer is o...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

It's amazing how much has changed since the 80s

Back then we had a celebrity president with ultraconservative views and a cult following who was obsessed with a wall in the White House, a female Prime Minister with a complicated relationship with the EU and a total disregard for the poor of the country in Number Ten, the Russians were under a reg...

I used to think I could draw conclusions from small samples...

...after only a few statistics classes, I realized I couldn't.

Every statistics professor I've had has told me to disregard trends in small samples, but I haven't taken that many classes so I can't be sure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wrestler meets with his coach

A wrestler meets with his coach about his next match. His coach tells him he will be facing the greatest Russian wrestler and he's known for his move called "the pretzel" no one had ever escaped the pretzel before, once you we in it, there was no way out.
The next day it was time for the match, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ouch!

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautione...

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

Crosspost from /r/WTF, seen on a menu

Please disregard if you saw this in /r/wtf.

http://i.imgur.com/1oqlvz3.jpg

[Original post](http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1wtukn/this_is_printed_in_an_english_menu_at_a_mexican/)

Transcribed:

Why do Mexican kids walk around school like they own the place? Because t...

A man is reading his book at the bus stop when a teenage girl sits next to him and starts crying.

The man doesn't look up from his book, but he hears the girl. She sounds really upset and, through tears, she says, "37."

The man finds this odd, but he's very interested in his book, so he disregards it. But the girl keeps crying--tears streaming down her face--until she finally yells out un...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Discovery of happiness

(English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammat mistakes xP)

A scientist, after many years of study managed to mathematically prove that having regular sex is the key to happiness. So, he decides to set up a conference, in which many people curious of his...

One engine on a plane is failing...

So the pilot comes over the speaker and says 'Unfortunately the plane won't be able to handle all of the passengers without crashing. We will have to start removing passengers from the plane giving them parachutes and pushing them out until we reach our ideal flying weight. We will choose people alp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Room 67

So on a man’s 18th birthday, his father gave him $20 and a pack of condoms and said
“Go to the brothel and have some fun, son. But whatever you do, do not ask for room 67.”

The son agrees and goes to the brothel. The lady at the counter grinned at him and said
“Welcome to the brothel! W...

The three holes

So a straggler is making his way across the land when he comes across a farm. Needing a place to sleep, he begs the farmer to let him stay the night. The farmer agrees, and tells him to bunk up in the barn out back.

In the barn, the straggler meets another man who is staying in the barn. He ...

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