What do a zoo owner and a Python data analyst have in common?

They both import pandas.

When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

I was trying to sell my pet python today

Guy asked: “is it big?”

I said: “Huge!”

He said: “How many feet?”

I said: “None - it’s a snake!”

Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

What do you call a python which is exactly 3.14m long ?

A πthon

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?

Print("Hello World!")

A Python Executable Message that Describes this Sub. Yes it really runs...

this = we = 1

# Start reading here...
try:
def ending(your, self):
for reposting in [this.__sub__]:
while we:
raise 'hell'
except:
None and None

Why does the Python live on land?

Because it's above C-level

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of Terry Jones and his passing, he is my favorite Monty Python joke

Drinking American beer is like having sex in a canoe. Its fucking close to water

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

My boss asked me why I don't like to code in Python.

I just find it too constricting.

A little girl walk into a pet shop...

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks for a bunny. The worker says” the fluffy white one or the fluffy brown one”? The girl then says, I don’t think my python really cares.

What's a pirate's favourite programming language?

R

What's an optometrist's favourite programming language?

C#

What's IKEA's favourite programming language?

Assembly

What's a herpetologist's favourite programming language?

Python

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A man called Kevin is selling his python on ebay

So some bloke rang him up and said “is it massive”
Kevin replies “huge”
Then the bloke says “how many feet”
Kevin says “none its a snake you twat”

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

What was a python's first words?

print("s" \* 10)

What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

What do you call an older version of a python program?

SenPy.

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, “Where is your wife!?”

“Why?” the neighbour asks. “What did Anna do?”

“She tricked my wife into investing in a fake farm for giant snakes,” the man yelled.

“Anna conned her?”

“No. Burmese python.”

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Three men are standing before the gates of heaven

All three men were not really good or bad in life. So the angel at the gates offered for them to be reincarnated instead. But they could only go back as newborn animals. All three men accepted. Then they were told to run off the edge of a nearby cliff and say what they wanted to be reincarnated as a...

A mother asks her Python programmer son what he wants for Christmas...

He says "I'd like 1 bike please."

So off his mother goes to buy him a bike.

Christmas morning comes, and the boy has opened all of his presents.

"Where's my other bike?!" He screams,

"I asked for 1 you only got me 0?!"

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

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A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.


Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks h...

I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...

Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

Why did the python programmer run into the pole?

He couldn't C it.

Don't worry, i'll cout<<"myself";

I had an idea for a Writing Prompt where there is an insane asylum full of people who think they are part of a Monty Python skit and quote the lines endlessly.

Someone told me that's called 'college'.

I remember the day my son found out the neighbor's python wasn't venomous

he was crushed.

Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail

is as easy as 1-2-5

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I dropped the soap in the prison shower today.

A big inmate, with a cock like a python, handed it back to me.

"Nice try, you ugly cunt," he said.

Monty Python scheduled to sing National Anthem for NFL London game

However, officials pulled the plug at the last minute when it was revealed the comedians would be taking a Ni.

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Having sex in a bunch of python compilation errors

It's fucking *indents*

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

I remember this from a Monty Python

"My dog has no nose!" Says one man. His friend asks "well how does he smell?" "Stinky!"

A little girl walks into a pet store...

A little girl walks into a pet store and approaches the clerk. "Im looking for a wabbit" she says.

The clerk, taken aback by how adorable this girl is, asks "Aww, well would you like a white wabbit, or a brown wabbit?"

The little girl replies "I dont think my python gives a thit"

Small girl walks in a pet store

"I would like to buy a rabbit, please." She tells the owner. "Oh, do you now? he smiles "A big white one, with fuzzy wuzzy hair, big, floppy ears and big eyes?" To which girl replies "I don't think my pet python cares what rabbit looks like"

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff th...

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

What Syntax do British Programmers Always Use in Python?

\_\_init\_\_

What do you call a hypothetical situation where a snake chases an asian from point A to point B

A Python-Korean Theorum

A little girl goes into a pet store.

She asked the shopkeeper in the sweetest little lisp: ‘Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?’

As the shopkeeper’s heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level and asked: ‘Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like this cute widdle b...

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The consolation in misery

The caliph of Basra, in the Arabian Thousand and One Nights, had earned a reputation as a cruel and harsh man. His sentences were exceedingly rigorous, his punishments merciless.

The Janissaries presented him inmates every day, and the caliph, after knowing the guilt of each one, decreed the...

A giant snake is attacking the city.

It wraps around buildings, crushing them, and swallows people whole. A pair of office workers get eaten, and one of them starts to panic as they wind up in the snake's stomach. However, he notices that the other worker is still calm.

"How can you be so calm," he asks, "when we're going to die...

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Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the barte...

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I put an ad on Craigslist today trying to sell my pet python," he tells the bartender. "Is it big?" the bartender asks. "It's freakin' huge!" the guy replies. "How many feet?" the bartender asks. "None you idiot," the guy replies. "It's a snake."

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

My software developer candidate brought his pet to the interview

He produced perfectly valid Python.

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A little girl walks into a pet store...

A little girls walks into a pet store and looks up at the owner with her big brown eyes.

"Mister," she said in a quite voice, "I would like a little bunny rabbit".

The owner looks down at her with a smile. "And what type of bunny rabbit would you like?" He responded, "A brown little ...

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

What do you call a snake that weighs 3.14 tons?

Python

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

(Taken from Monty python)

It was surprisingly easy to get a job at the zoo as a computer scientist

Probably because I am fluent in Python

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As a programmer, I had a shit day

I spilled Java all over my paper, found a Python in my backpack, and to top it all off, I got a C++ on my final exam.

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I oppose all this sex on the television.

I mean, I keep falling off.

(credit to monty python)

Why was the programer killed by a snake?

He underestimated the speed of the python.

How do you seduce a female programmer?

1: Be proficient in Python

2: Have a big python

The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve

An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.

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It's the end of the world...

..and the animals are fucking in the forest.The elephant is fucking the giraffe,and in one moment the giraffe turns to the elephant and says:We are going to die nevertheless,why did you put a condom on?
And the elephant answers:Um,it's not a condom,the python is giving me a blowjob

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The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

What kinda snake has a lisp?

A Mike Python

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