What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

A guy finds his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in its mouth

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you h...

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The Horny Hare and The Bear

In a forest a deer is drowning, the Hare and the Bear jump into the lake and save the deer. The deer transforms into a fairy and gives both three wishes.

The Hare, who is a womanizer, wishes that all hares in the forest are female. The Hare begins to screw its way through the forest.
...

i always thought it'd be fun to be a Hare Krishna

it's so unfortunate I never got the chants

How did the Turtle beat the Hare?

It used a razor.

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A bear and a hare suddenly found a genie in the forest

The genie says: "Ok, guys, since there are two of you and I'm feeling a bit generous, I grant each of you three wishes. Ask me anything!"
The bear asks in disbelief: "You really can grant any wish? Like anything I want?"
"Sure", the genie says
"The I want all the male bears in this whole fo...

The Tortoise challenged the Hare

The Tortoise said “race you home!”

The Hare began sprinting. The Tortoise retracted into his shell.

Why was her name Jessica Rabbit?

Because of the RED HARE!

Lady brings a bunny into a vet's waiting room.

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there. "Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fl...

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What's the difference between a hare and a rabbit?

You can pull a hare out your arse but you can't pull a rabbit.

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A hare is running around the forest...

Runs, runs, and suddenly he sees a fox, smoking weed. So he stops, and says: "Hey, fox, stop smoking this shit, drugs are bad! Do something for your health instead, come run with with me!" The fox thinks about it for a second, then puts out the joint and comes running with the hare.

The run, ...

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A small hare walks into Mr. Bear's Forest Grocery Store...

"Hey, Bear," he says, "Got any rotten carrots?"

"No, Hare," the bear responds. "I only have sweet fresh carrots. Do you want some?"

The hare shakes his head and walks out. The next mornings he walks in again.

"Hey, Bear, got any rotten carrots?"

"No," the bear says, "I've...

The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo...

A hare, a fox, and a bear have to get their physical exam for the military draft

However, they all don't want to join the army.

The hare is called first by the doctor. So he says to his friends: "I really don't want to join the army, we have think of something, quick!" They all think for a moment, then the bear suggests: "What if we cut off you ears; a hare without its ea...

In the classic story of the tortoise and the hare, what was the tortoise's name?

Winslow.

A hare, turtle, and a centipede ran out of beer at a party..

Wanting to keep the party alive the tortoise hands the hare 50 dollars and says, "Here, take this to the store and buy more booze." "Wait! The hare is way too drunk to go to the store." The centipede said. The tortoise says, "I'm not gonna waste anymore time! I will go." The centipede stops the tort...

A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head.

From a distance they looked like hares.

Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?

Every day is a hare-raising experience.

I remember when I divorced my wife...

.. she insisted on dividing everything up fifty-fifty. She took half the dishes; I took half the dishes. She took half the furniture; I took half the furniture. I mean, right down to the pets. She wanted half the cats; I got half the cats. She wanted half the fish; I got half the fish. She even wa...

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A long time ago, a bear and a hare were fighting in the forest...

Suddenly a magic frog appeared and begged them to stop fighting. In return, the magic frog would grant the bear and the hare three wishes each. The bear and the hare agreed to the terms.

The bear started immediately: "I wish, I wish that all the bears in this forest, except me, will become fe...

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Oprah Winfrey was busted by TSA at O'Hare airport today with 40 pounds of crack.

They let her go because it just turned out to be her vagina.

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The Tale Of Hare & Tortoise

Once there was a hare and a tortoise. Hare used to make fun of the tortoise about his speed. After getting fed up of all the remarks of hare, tortoise proposed a bet to race to finally conclude who is faster. Hare being confident in himself agreed to the bet. They both started the race from the agre...

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So my Chinese Zodiac is a rat, and I was conceived and born out of wedlock

I'm very much a Rat Bastard.

My best friend is a Hare for her Chinese Zodiac, and she was planned. — She's clearly a hare-brained scheme.

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I gave an elderly hare viagra but it died

I guess old rabbits die hard

What does a balding magician have in his hat?

Hare.

Why did the Man send back his rabbit stew?

Because there was a hare in it

What do you call a rabbit that's raised indoors?

An in-grown hare!:)

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What does a pedophile and a turtle have in common?

They both wanna get there before the hare does.

What the... that rabbit is wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, he’s probably coming from a hare dresser.

Hare-lip joke my mother told me a long time ago.

A woman with a cleft lip was sitting by herself at a dance club. She absolutey loved to dance, but was also extremely self-conscious about her appearance. After an hour or so of no one even smiling at her, she was about to leave. A gentleman at the bar noticed the woman and was instantly taken by he...

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Why did the priest dig a rabbit hole for the rooster?

So he can stick his cock in before the first hare

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

Twins

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road ...

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My cat's best friend was a rabbit, but the rabbit passed away today....

...now I have a hare-less pussy!

But seriously, RIP Carrots.

Did you hear about the magician who got angry?

He pulled out his hare.

A boy came to a restaurant with his dad

Waiter: What would you like to order?

Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew.

Waiter: Ok. Only if you promise not to say ''Waiter, there's a hare in my stew'' after I bring it to you

Dad:

Waiter:

Dad: I'll have the chicken

Two subjects of an animal loving king are having a conversation

One says, “Have you gotten the news? Did you see the king’s hare died?”

“No way!” exclaims the other.


“What color?”

An Austrian joke: The hare, the fox and the bear receive their enlistment order

An Austrian joke I like very much:

The hare, the fox and the bear turn 18 and receive their enlistment order, but don't want to serve in the military. This was back when conscientious objection was not as easy as it is nowadays.

They meet in front of the barracks and think about what t...

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Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

Did you hear the story about the rabbit's childhood?

It's a hare-raising tale!

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My (American) grandfather's joke which I just shared with my (French) husband

There once was a snail named Sam who lived in a forest which had an interesting reputation; All the forest creatures would design elaborate vehicles and then race against each other every month. The snail loved to watch the races, and dreamed of participating one day.

However, everyone told t...

My friend and I can't agree on what his job title at the rabbit farm actually is, he calls himself a processor while I say he is a butcher...

... Either way, he is just splitting hares.

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare-line.

Hat tip to whoever posted the previous hair-themed rabbit joke.

How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?

When you find a hare in it.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Why can’t bald people eat rabbits?

They don’t have hare.

My friend always has the most ridiculous stories. Yesterday he called me and said he had his hand up a rabbit.

I said, "Get out of hare?!"

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

I told my dad that I wanted to become a man. So he made me lie down on the ground, then he sprinkled grass and seeds on my pecs.

I said, "Why are you doing this?"
He said, "It will put hares on your chest."

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A dog and a rabbit are in a bar having a few drinks when a drunk decides that he doesn't like their kind patronizing his establishment.

He goes over and voices his displeasure with them being in HIS bar.
Now now take it easy slim, says the rabbit ,if you can solve this riddle we will buy you all the drinks you can have for the night. Well he thinks about it for a minute and thinks, why not. Ok then but if you get it wrong my dog...

What do you call four hundred french rabbits turning around and running away from a fight?

A receding hare line.

I heard Walmart stores were so busy on Friday that they opened a second register!

Sounds like a picnic compared to O'hare Airport yesterday!

I tried rabbit stew for the first time today.

But I found a hare in my food

Something about rabbit races creeps me out.

It's hare racing.

Elephant Stew

## Ingredients

* 1 Elephant
* Brown gravy, and lots of it
* Salt and pepper to taste
* 2 Rabbits (optional)

## Directions

Cut elephant into small, bite-size pieces.

This should take about 2 months.



Add enough brown gravy to cover,

cook over...

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Did ya here about that time Bambi went crazy and sat on Thumper?

He had a wild hare up his ass.

My Mate was losing his hair and was really embarrassed by it.

I said to him don't worry mate i have a solution, intrigued and exited by this, he said what is the solution?: I said put Rabbits on your head. Is this a special cure he asked?

I said no, but from a distance they will look like Hares:

What is a rabbit's favorite drug?

Hare-oine!

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of spandex

Two calves, an ass, a lot of hares, a camel toe and a fish nobody can find.

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A couple calves,
an ass,
ten little piggies,
a beaver,
a shit load of hares,
and a fish that no one can seem to find!

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The bear and the rabbit

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods and find a lamp. After rubbing it, a genie appears and agrees to grant them both 3 wishes.

For his first wish, the bear says, "I wish all the female bears in this forrest find me irresistable and sexy" and the genie grants his wish. The rabbit...

I won the prize for "Largest litter of rabbits!"

But only by a hare.

If I ever start to go bald

I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare

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Why was the Mad Hatter acting a little queer?

He had a hare up his ass.

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

Some of my favorites

Where do rabbits fly? Hare Force One.

What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

What do you call a jacket that’s on fire? A blazer.

I have 3 eyes, 2 noses and 4 mouths. What am I? Ugly.

Why do golfers always have 2 pairs of pants? In case they get a hole-in-o...

I've opened up a barber shop for rabbits

I do hare cuts, only.

I went out partying and drinking last night, and I forgot to feed my pet rabbit.

I really let my hare down.

There was once a party for the disabled...

There was once a party for the disabled. A man with a wooden eye sees a women with a hare lip and is instantly attracted. He approaches her and asks if she would like to dance. She enthusiastically replies “Would I! Would I!”.
So that man replies “Hare lip! Hare lip!”

A father was telling his son a bedtime story

“Once upon a time , there was a tortoise and a hare. The hare was boastful and bragged that he was the fastest of all the creatures. The tortoise then decided to challenge the hare to a race. So the two set a course, and the race began. The hare ran as fast as he could.....”

“Sorry Dad, but I...

What's the difference between greyhound racing and R Kelly..?

The greyhounds wait for the hare.

What do you get when you throw a rabbit at someone's head?

Facial Hare

I almost hit a rabbit on my way home last night.

Missed him by a hare.

When I was younger I tried breeding rabbits...

it was a hare-raising experience.

I was driving through a Forrest and felt a small bump so

I stopped and pulled over to see what happened . I had ran over a hare. Suddenly a girl came over and sprayed something on the dead hare. It then jumped up ,ran a few feet then waved .It kept repeating this and I was shocked .i asked the girl what she sprayed on the hare.

She said it was inst...

I’m going to tattoo a row of rabbits running away on the top of my head.

That way if I go bald everyone can see my receding hare line.

A Bunny Story..

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunn...

A guy passes a store selling cheap trinkets from around the world

A small figurine in the window catches his eye. It's a little rabbit with a mallet getting ready to hit some mochi. The man recognises this as the rabbit in the moon from the story and decides he really likes it. He goes inside and asks the sales clerk about the price.

Upon hearing the price,...

There is a wolf in the woods with a notebook.

(Translated from Russian)

There is a wolf in the woods with a notebook.

He approaches the squirrel.

"Squirrel, what are you doing tomorrow morning?"

-It seems nothing ...

"All right, then I'll write you down for breakfast." Come - I'll eat you!

Squirrel nods...

My brother has been out of town for a month and I've had to take care of his pet rabbit the whole time.

Let me tell ya...it's been hare raising.

Road Kill

Driving along An English country road one night and what appeared to be A massive rabbit jumped out in front of the car and bang, I knocked it flying. I stopped the car and went to investigate what I'd hit. The animal was dead so i moved it to the side of the road. Another car pulled up and this guy...

How did the rabbit know his wife was cheating on him?

He found multiple hares in his bed XD

Met a guy in a bar with a rabbit on his face. “What’s that?” I said..

“A facial hare” he replies

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