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Php Jokes

A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get...

PHP Dating Advice

I had a date() with PHP and I had to mktime() for it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw an ad for a php developer at Pornhub the other day

It was really attractive but I don't know if I could bring myself to admit before my friends and family that I do php

Someone just asked me if I was interested in a job as a full-time PHP Developer.

I said, "Not even remotely."

Why did the PHP programmer go to the optician?

because he didn't C#

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

In and Out

Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out." They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometime In and Out played outside,but other times they played inside. One day In was out and Out was in. Mother skunk told Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few ...

A mean joke

A banker, a lawyer, and a statistician went deer hunting. Deer appears. Banker fired, hit 3 feet to left of deer. Lawyer fired, hit 3 feet to the right of the deer.

The statistician exclaimed, "We got him!".

Credit: https://pistol-forum.com/showthread.php?15166-C3-carry-An-apology&...

What's the quickest way to get to the airport?

Terminal Velocity.

[:D](http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

Horsie Ride!

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy can I ride on your back?" Daddy ...

Dating Developers

D1: Hey did you tried that dating website I suggested?
D2: Yep, It sucked.
D1: Why you didn't get any interesting matches.
D2: No, I got many matches, but the website was developed in php.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ultimate Revenge

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husban...

Stoner Joke

A pothead finds a strangely looking old oil lamp in the trash and rubs it to clean it up a bit when suddenly a genie comes out of it. "Congratulations, you freed me from my captivity! I grant you three wishes for releasing me!" The pothead does not think twice and says "OK, for my first wish - I wan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Seamus the co-pilot.

As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".

"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Seamus.

"Dis is gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.

"...

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