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Ninja Jokes

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

Why do the ninja turtles make terrible office mates?

They always destroy the shredder.

So, I went to a ninja parade

It was a complete rip off. I didn't see a damn thing, but I kept finding candy in my pockets.

Can a ninja throw a star?

SHUR-HE-CAN

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

They're two things I'll never see coming.


(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love how the ninja turtles wear masks

Great way to hide your identity, it's not like you're a giant fucking turtle or something

What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja?

One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the premature ejaculator that is training to become a ninja?

Guys a natural, comes out of nowhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is a sex ninja

I never hear her coming.

What do you call ninjas with red hair?

Ginjas....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once went to visit Japan and I haven't seen a single ninja.

Impressive.

What happens when you mess up at ninja church?

The nun chucks you out

What do you call a red headed ninja?

A Ginja

Farts are like ninjas because…

They’re sneaky, they’re dangerous, and if you see one, something has gone terribly wrong.

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

Why do you never see a fat ninja?

Because fat ninjas are the best ninjas.

How does a nonbinary ninja kill people?

They slash Them.

What do you get when you cross a hippie and a ninja?

Peace and Quiet.

How do non-binary ninjas attack people?

They/ them.

I asked a ninja “Can you show me one of those throwing stars?”

The ninja replied “Shuriken.”

What kind of shoes do Ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

Ninjas

I looked up ninjas in the dictionary and the results came back: "ninjas could not be found."

Well played ninjas; well played!

“Can you please tell me the primary weapon used by ninjas?”

“Shuriken”

Why did the Sensei Advanced Ninja Training School close down?

They couldn't find any students

To celebrate their 10th anniversary, Fruit Ninja decides to host a live event.

They decide to commission for an arcade style game/exhibition to be made where the visitors can pick up physical weapons at each of the fruit stations and hit the designated fruit with them. After they hit the fruit the computer would display their score and play a congratulatory tune if they got ab...

I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have.

He said, "shuriken."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

What do you call two ninjas?

A pair of sneakers

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughin...

What weapon does a Catholic ninja use?

Nunchucks.

We've never seen an actual ninja win American Ninja Warrior.

But that doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

I didn't see you at Ninja school today

Nice work

How many ninjas does it take to...

Where did that lightbulb come from?!

Why did Quentin Tarantino regret directing a Ninja Turtles movie?

Because he felt the villains being called "The Foot Clan" was very misleading.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous?

Because they are silent but deadly.

Two ninjas are talking on a rooftop

Ninja 1: Hey can you show me your Throwing Star skills?

Ninja 2: Shuriken

Three ninjas walked into a bar

but you would never know.

Two ninjas watch an enemy approach. The first ninja nudges the other and says, "he can't cross without being attacked, can he?" The other ninja, stretches and yawns, and replies

"shuriken."

A Ninja was on a Mission

A ninja was on a very sneaky assassination mission. As he crept through the compound and avoided detection, he finally laid eyes on his target. As sort of a tradition, the ninja would always whisper to his weapons before going in for the kill. As he prepared to kill the target, the ninja equipped a ...

How many ninjas does it take to change a light-

Oh, it changed!

Why don't you ever see ninja hippos hiding in trees?

Because that's how good they are.

Did you hear about the Ninja that couldn't trust anyone?

He always had a sneaking suspicion.

What's a ninja's favourite element?

The element of surprise.

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “you’re underage. Get the hell out of here.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sam Loved Ninjas

Little Sam loved ninjas. He'd think about them all day and watch ninja movies all night.

He had a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang.

One day he's playing around and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck, he runs downstairs to his mum bawling "Mummy mummy mummy look...

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

Mr. T set the ninja turtles up on a blind date.

Mr. T: Here's your girl.

Ninja Turtles: who is she?

Mr T: Its April, fools.





Also, I'm sorry.

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What do you call someone who runs like Naruto ninja?

A virgin.

Why were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arrested for terrorism?

They’d been radicalised.

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I don't know why people keep asking if one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is gay.

They have a strict "Don't Ask Donatello" policy

Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?

Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.

What’s the Ninja Turtles favorite brand of saki?

Oroku, because it shreds.

A ninja is getting ready to fight a samurai

The ninjas friend asks him "do you really think you can kill him without a sword?"

"Sure-i-can"

A man asks his ninja friend if he could do a favor for him

The ninja said, "Shurikan"

A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into an Irish bar.



The bartender says, “Good to see you two!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do most people fail ninja school?

Because they show up to class.

The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair...

The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides.

What did the claustrophobic ninja do when he fell down a well?

He flipped out

You're the best ninja I've ever seen!

And the worst ninja in general.

Why can no one hear a ninja fart?

Because they're silent but deadly.

Everyone in the senior class of ninja school was marked absent today.

They all got an A+

Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars?

“Shuriken.”

(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like)

I asked a ninja the other day if he could tell me what his favorite throwing weapon is.

He said "Sure I can."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a ninja who attacked people with high-powered semen.

No one would ever see him coming.

The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael

They didn't have his sai's.

Can a ninja aim precisely?

surehecan

A samurai, a knight, a viking, a ninja, a cowboy and a pirate walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Wait this ain't right you can't all be here, you've gotta get your fax straight."

My ex and I used to have a ninja fetish

But then we stopped seeing each other.

I would have graduated from Ninja School

But nobody knew I was in the class

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Why do frat boys think their girls are ninjas?

They never hear them cumming.

So a ninja walks into a bar.

He sits at the counter and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve your kind here. “

The ninja says, “what do you mean? I demand a drink! Let me speak to your manager.”

The manager comes out and asks what the problem is. The ninja explains his outrage.
<...

What do ninjas drink?

WATAAA!!!

Once upon a time, I told a ninja nun a joke...

The nun chuckled.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

What's a ninja's favorite drink?

WaaaaaTaaaaaa

How would you describe a ninja who is always critical about their own abilities?

Stealth-deprecating.

Why do the Ninja Turtles attack Shredder 4 on 1?

Because their master is a rat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said she was looking at ninja stars online. I told her to stop being racist.

They're just called Japanese actors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that every country in the world has Ninjas?

We only hear about the ones from Japan because they're not as good at their job.

"Ninja kills Mime"

Nobody heard about it

Ninja goes to the doctor ...

Doctor says "I have good news and bad news."

Ninja says "Hmm. Ok, give me the bad news first."

Doctor says "We've run the tests and you're impotent."

Ninja gasps and says "Dammit! How will I pass on my legacy of stealth and subterfuge?!? How can there possibly be good news in th...

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