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Ninja Jokes

I typed “ninjas” into thesaurus.com. It said “ninjas cannot be found.”

Well played ninjas, well played.

Why do the ninja turtles make terrible office mates?

They always destroy the shredder.

Ninja 1: Hey bud, could you throw me that little metal star?

Ninja 2: Shuriken

So, I went to a ninja parade

It was a complete rip off. I didn't see a damn thing, but I kept finding candy in my pockets.

I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood

But just ended up with a load of Splinters.

The Ninja Turtles went to a store to buy new weapons. Everyone got what they needed except for Raphael

They didn't have his sai's.

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

They're two things I'll never see coming.


(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)

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I went to Japan recently, and did not see a single ninja there.

Impressive!

How does a nonbinary ninja kill people?

They slash Them.

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Did you hear about the premature ejaculator that is training to become a ninja?

Guys a natural, comes out of nowhere.

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I love how the ninja turtles wear masks

Great way to hide your identity, it's not like you're a giant fucking turtle or something

To celebrate their 10th anniversary, Fruit Ninja decides to host a live event.

They decide to commission for an arcade style game/exhibition to be made where the visitors can pick up physical weapons at each of the fruit stations and hit the designated fruit with them. After they hit the fruit the computer would display their score and play a congratulatory tune if they got ab...

I’m like a ninja at the gym

Cause you’ll never see me there

What do you get when you cross a hippie with a ninja?

Peace and quiet.

Farts are like ninjas because…

They’re sneaky, they’re dangerous, and if you see one, something has gone terribly wrong.

Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?

Shuriken.

What happens when you make a noise in Ninja Church?

The nun chucks you out.

Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?

Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.

Why did Quentin Tarantino regret directing a Ninja Turtles movie?

Because he felt the villains being called "The Foot Clan" was very misleading.

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I don't know why people keep asking if one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is gay.

They have a strict "Don't Ask Donatello" policy

What do you call two ninjas?

A pair of sneakers

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8 Life Lessons — NOT OC

I'll credit this as last posted by u/NinjaNoob99.

-----

*SHOWER:*

A woman gets out of the shower just as her husband is going to his room. Hearing a knock on the front door, she wraps herself in her bathrobe before stepping outside. She sees her neighbor, who says "I'll give you...

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My wife is a sex ninja

I never hear her coming.

What's the difference between a ginger and a ninja?

One's a soulless killing machine. The other is a highly trained martial artist.

Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars?

“Shuriken.”

(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like)

Why don't you ever see ninja hippos hiding in trees?

Because that's how good they are.

I asked a ninja the other day if he could tell me what his favorite throwing weapon is.

He said "Sure I can."

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughin...

A man asks his ninja friend if he could do a favor for him

The ninja said, "Shurikan"

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What do you call someone who runs like Naruto ninja?

A virgin.

Did you hear about the Ninja that couldn't trust anyone?

He always had a sneaking suspicion.

What weapon does a Catholic ninja use?

Nunchucks.

What do you call a Jedi ninja?

Obi-Wan Shinobi

Two ninjas are talking on a rooftop

Ninja 1: Hey can you show me your Throwing Star skills?

Ninja 2: Shuriken

What do you call a red headed ninja?

A Ginja

What is an office ninja's most deadly weapon?

The element of supplies

What do you call ninjas with red hair?

Ginjas....

Me - So, what do you do?

Otto - I'm a supervillain.

Me - What's your name?

Otto - Corrector.

Me - HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder?
Wait a minion……
what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS
MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

Can a ninja throw a star?

Shur-he-can

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “you’re underage. Get the hell out of here.”

A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into an Irish bar.



The bartender says, “Good to see you two!”

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Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.


In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.


Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song w...

What did the ninja say when asked if he can kill a man with ninja stars?

Shuriken

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My girlfriend said she was looking at ninja stars online. I told her to stop being racist.

They're just called Japanese actors.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous?

Because they are silent but deadly.

I didn't see you at Ninja school today

Nice work

Mr. T set the ninja turtles up on a blind date.

Mr. T: Here's your girl.

Ninja Turtles: who is she?

Mr T: Its April, fools.





Also, I'm sorry.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves

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My sexual partners are like ninjas...

You will never see the coming

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I haven't seen you in here before," the bartender says. "What's your name?" "My name is Boninjab," the guy replies. "It's pronounced Bob. The ninja is silent."

What shoes do ninjas wear (dad joke N°1)

Sneakers

What’s the Ninja Turtles favorite brand of saki?

Oroku, because it shreds.

A ninja is getting ready to fight a samurai

The ninjas friend asks him "do you really think you can kill him without a sword?"

"Sure-i-can"

Three ninjas walked into a bar

but you would never know.

How many ninjas does it take to change a light....

OH! It changed

What's a Ninja's favorite drink?

Wa-thaaa!

What's a ninja's favourite element?

The element of surprise.

How many ninjas does it take to...

Where did that lightbulb come from?!

How would you describe a ninja who is always critical about their own abilities?

Stealth-deprecating.

My 6 year old little bro always tells me this one. What do you call ninja farts?

Silent but deadly

A man has been robbed so he goes to the pet store to get a guard dog.

When he gets to the pet store he explains what he wants to the owner.

Owner: wait here for me. I’ve exactly what you’re looking for!

The man waits and a few minutes later the owner returns with an adorable puppy.

Man: I don’t think you understood, I want a dog that can protect m...

Everyone in the senior class of ninja school was marked absent today.

They all got an A+

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There was a ninja who attacked people with high-powered semen.

No one would ever see him coming.

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Maybe every nation has ninjas

And the Japanese ninjas are just the worst

I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have.

He said, "shuriken."

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Japanese ninjas were historically required to wrap any gifts in the same cloth they used to cover their faces

They had to mask their presents

What did the claustrophobic ninja do when he fell down a well?

He flipped out

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent...

On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!

A Ninja was on a Mission

A ninja was on a very sneaky assassination mission. As he crept through the compound and avoided detection, he finally laid eyes on his target. As sort of a tradition, the ninja would always whisper to his weapons before going in for the kill. As he prepared to kill the target, the ninja equipped a ...

My name is Boninjab

It's pronounced Bob.
The ninja is silent.

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Why do most people fail ninja school?

Because they show up to class.

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What does a black samurai call his frightened enemy

Pussy ass ninja.

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Did you know that every country in the world has Ninjas?

We only hear about the ones from Japan because they're not as good at their job.

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Why do frat boys think their girls are ninjas?

They never hear them cumming.

Once upon a time, I told a ninja nun a joke...

The nun chuckled.

Some bloke just told me I have no culture

Just because I can name more ninja turtles than renaissance artists.

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

One day, a lady named Anne wanted to change her name...

One day, a lady named Anne decided she was bored of her name and wanted to change it to Penny-Anne. That's not what I would choose, I would do something cool like Proffeser Spider Ninja, but that's why I haven't changed my name. Anyway, changing your name can be like $200, and Anne didn't have a lot...

So a ninja walks into a bar.

He sits at the counter and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve your kind here. “

The ninja says, “what do you mean? I demand a drink! Let me speak to your manager.”

The manager comes out and asks what the problem is. The ninja explains his outrage.
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A soldier, a ninja, and a cowboy

Are flying over a city in a helicopter getting ready to land after a long battle, all three are sitting in silence until the ninja pulls out a throwing star and tosses it out of the chopper.

The soldier looks at him funny and asks why he did that. The ninja replies, "it is a time honored tra...

We've never seen an actual ninja win American Ninja Warrior.

But that doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

Can a ninja aim precisely?

surehecan

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe.

A Mathematician, a Biologist, and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house.
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