UPJOKE
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What do you call Monty Python if it's filled with corn?

Del Monte Python

When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

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In honor of Terry Jones and his passing, he is my favorite Monty Python joke

Drinking American beer is like having sex in a canoe. Its fucking close to water

Two friends named Monty and Jason went to a movie theater. Monty went ahead to grab the tickets leaving Jason waiting behind.

While queuing for the tickets, Monty chats up the gentleman in front of him, "Hey, I'm Monty," he says. The gentleman amicably replies, "Hola, soy Santiago."

Hearing the man's response, Monty immediately runs away and returns alarmed to his friend, shouting, "There's a Spanish in queue Jason"...

Monty Smith

Monty has five letters in his first name...
He has 5 letters in his second name...

He has lived his entire life at 555 West 55th Street
In NYC

And worked his entire career at Saks 5 Avenue

He met his wife in Fifth Grade..

He has 5 kids and owns 5 cars...

Nee...

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

I had an idea for a Writing Prompt where there is an insane asylum full of people who think they are part of a Monty Python skit and quote the lines endlessly.

Someone told me that's called 'college'.

Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail

is as easy as 1-2-5

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A young morticians apprentice crashes through the door of his mentors office and says excitedly: "Hey Monty! You gotta check out this lady that just came in."

Monty slowly gets up from his chair.
"You know Mike, there isn't much I haven't seen. A lot of bodies have come through these doors."
"Yeah, but have you ever seen a chick with a shrimp in her pussy?"
Monty is intrigued. He follows Mike out to the stainless steel table and looks at th...

Well, you know what Monty Python always say...

A man sees his friend looking rather melancholy and tries to cheer her up. After listening to her woes he says to her "Well, you know what Monty Python always say..."

She rolls her eyes "Always look on the bright side of life?"

"No." He leaps to his feet, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH IN...

I remember this from a Monty Python

"My dog has no nose!" Says one man. His friend asks "well how does he smell?" "Stinky!"

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According to the journal Nature ...

researchers at Kyoto University
in Japan have a chimpanzee that can remember the correct
sequence of five random numbers and performed about as well as
an average preschool child. [Unfortunately, now they have to
keep her separated from the rest of the chimps. She took all of
the...

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I oppose all this sex on the television.

I mean, I keep falling off.

(credit to monty python)

I love the English cricket team....

The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.

No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to...

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