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Pros Jokes

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch...

But on the other hand, you have a watch.

My friend used to run a website where he discussed the pros and cons of taking different hallucinogenic drugs.

He was the original trip advisor.

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I've been contemplating the pros and cons of masturbation.

On the one hand, it feels good.
On the other, not so much.

Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade.

Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.

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Pros and cons

Pros of dating men: Their dicks.

Cons of dating men: They're dicks.

Pros vs. Cons

If pro means good and con means bad and if progress means to move forward, then what the hell does congress mean?

There are pros and cons to getting married...

On one hand you get to wear a ring, on the other hand, you don't.

Pros and cons of working as the prison librarian.

Pros: prose. Cons: cons.

What are some pros for Ukraine after loosing Crimea to Russia?

Theres no Crimea in Ukraine

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

Investing in an assisted suicide centre has its pros and cons

The service is non-refundable but there are no repeat customers

I want to weigh the pros and cons of becoming a veterinarian,

On one hand you get bitten a lot
And on the other hand you get bitten less.


This is my first joke submission, I do like a good groaner.

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St...

What's the difference between prostitution and constitution?

Well, one has its pros and the other has its cons.

Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting.

Cons: Deez nuts freezing.

Two IT pros are being held on charges for murder

The local hospital's life support machine was acting up, so they turned it off and back on again.

I have been weighing the pros and cons about reading poetry to prisoners.

Pros: prose
Cons: cons

What are some pros of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag is a big plus

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Wrong queue !

This girl was a prostitute, but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
Sh...

A woman is out playing golf...

...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.

"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"

"Right between the first and sec...

Why do hookers make great dentists?

They’re pros at drilling, filling and billing.

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A Japanese prison invited a few sumo wrestlers for a match...

The fattest prisoners were selected to compete and to everyone's surprise they won.

It's because the cons outweigh the pros.

A boxing match is about to start..

A boxing match is about to start.

An ex-criminal steps on the scale and weighs in at 90kg.

Next up.. a professional athlete weighing in at 85kg.

Gotta weigh the pros and cons

Edit but not actually an edit : it's dumb, I'm aware

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Friends intervened to get a guy married who was spending way too much time and money on hookers. They set him up with a sweet gal and sure enough love bloomed, bells rang and off they went on their honeymoon.

His buddies jumped on him soon as they got back.
"So how was it? Better than shagging pros right? Come on tell us."
He looked pensive.
"Come on!"
"Well, the sex was great the first night. We pretty much knocked each other out."
"Told ya!"
"But I screwed up. Before nodding off, out ...

I’m trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal

So I made a list of pros and cons.

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

I think fights between career boxers and famous criminals would be entertaining. We could even make it fair, with different weight classes and everything.

We just need to weigh the Pros and Cons.

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

The pros outweigh the cons

What was life like in the Mongol Empire?

It had its pros and khans.

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The other day, a bunch of prostitutes played tug of war with some prisoners. Somehow, the prostitutes won.

I guess the pros outweighed the cons.

Who would win their weight class in a boxing match, athletes or prisoners?

Not sure, you have to weigh out the pros and cons

A police officer was facing a dilemma.

A handful of individuals were brought into the precinct, each with different amounts of cash and gold stuffed in their pockets. Some were professional heisters, others were just average con artists.

He was asked to distinguish between both groups based on how much they had hidden in their po...

Why do Incels play soccer?

Because they're pros at failing to score.

Thanks to the innovative and powerful cheese grater design of the new mac pro...

...People can finally become Mac Cook Pros

An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

TIL in 1954 the Detroit Red Wings held an exhibition match against inmates at Marquette prison.

The game had its pros and cons.

Want my opinion on Mongolia?

It has it's pros and Khans

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Did you hear the Japanese sumo wrestling team lost to a group of prison inmates?

I guess the cons outweighed the pros.

Over the years, I've realized that life is a lot like chess.

My friends are pros at it, but I'm still the idiot who thinks the knight is called a horse.

Small fishing town

There is a small town by the side of a lake where fishing is allowed and quite popular. There is a shop that sells fishing supplies. Differently skilled people use different quality baits. For example: a novice would use novice bait, a mediocre fisher would use mediocre bait, a good fisher would use...

Did you hear about the sumo match happening at the prison tomorrow?

They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.

One day at the bar, the warden of a prison and the manager of a football club get into a argument about football.

The warden mocks the manager’s players. Saying they are pathetic, over-payed babies who collapse whenever there’s a slight breeze. He claims that his inmates, could beat them easily as they are made of sterner stuff.

The manager laughs. The inmates are all criminals, they would cheat or even ...

I've compiled a list of famous athletes who have spent time in prison.

It's a pros and cons list.

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I used to live in a place with crazy thin walls.

I used to live in a place with super thin walls, which came with a lot of pros and cons

A big con was that at all times of day, you can hear people have nasty, carnal sex right next to you through the wall.

A pro, however, was that was if you knocked on the wall, and asked very nicely...

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A Prostitute Walks Into a Bar

A prostitute walks into a bar. She spots a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the koala bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the koala gets up and wanders towards the door.

"HEY! Where are you going?" yells the ...

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A man walks into a brothel with $100

He comes out with $200 and shows his friends.
"How did you make money in a brothel?" his friends ask.
"It turns out if you can give one of the pros working there an orgasm they'll pay you" he brags.

Over the next few weeks his friends try their hands at it over and over again, but they ...

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If Internet browsers were girlfriends

**Firefox** is like that freaky chick that lets you do anything in bed, but has a lot of baggage that just weighs you down. Often you're caught considering those pros vs cons when evaluating staying with her.

**Chrome** is the chick that's half your age, is full of young spunky attitude, is ...

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Three men hear of a wish-granting boulder.

This boulder is rumored to be located at the top of a steep cliff, so the men set out on a rather grueling hike in order to find it. Upon arrival at the very top, they find a natural monolith of sorts, and are greeted by a booming voice.

"Greetings, travelers!" the voice says. "I am the Rock ...

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A woman goes in for a breast augmentation...

A woman goes to her doctor to discuss the pros and cons of a breast augmentation. The doctor is not a huge fan of plastic surgery, favoring a more holistic approach. He tells the woman there are a series of exercises she could try first, in order to firm up and enlarge her breasts.

The woman ...

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A tribute to the holiday season

Up until a few years ago, I would frequent a local chess club for shits and giggles. I wasn't very good at chess, but most of the people there were very into the game, knew all of the big names, went to a lot of big events, and some of them even got prize money from time to time.

Shortly befo...

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