UPJOKE
progressiveneoliberalleftfreegenerousleftisttolerantloosebroadbountifulhandsomebiggivingconservativebroad-minded

Recent study shows that 1 in 3 liberals...

are just as stupid as the other two

Why don’t liberals like dentists?

Because dentists make teeth straight and white.

What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

What's a liberal's favorite drink?

Wine

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college?

They'll always argue over the male agenda.

Liberals are more generous than conservatives

Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!

(This is just a joke sorry)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

Why are liberal politics so confusing?

In liberal politics, left is right and right is wrong

Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists?

Because the conservatives are at work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a basement full of liberals?

A whine cellar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my posts got taken down for being“inappropriate/political” because I used the word liberal

How is it political to say “I’m liberal with the amount of kids I fit in my basement”

I was in Idaho last week, and found out what their state bird is.

A middle finger to liberals.

So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.

One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give tha...

Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news'

I read it on Facebook.

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southe...

Dear liberals, stop crying about being called a snowflake.

In 20 years, nobody will remember what snowflakes are anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Colonel for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the Colonel said, "just ser...

The most liberal and forward thinking program has been announced...

Breastfeed The Homeless

Three liberal arts degree students walk into a bar

Next week, it was a Starbucks cafe

My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one.

I corrected him that Paul had epistle...

Three College Graduates in McDonald's

Three recent college graduates met in McDonald's, and the engineering major said, "Did you see the new wind turbines going up on the east side of town? They had asked our class to run some stress studies during windstorms as an exercise".

"Yes", the geology graduate said, "They also contacte...

Ask

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work? "What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work? "What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost? "What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree as...

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Liberals: Changing the bulb is too extreme. Let's fix the current one in the dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple are about to have sex, when the man reaches for some lube...

Opening a new bottle, he notices the protective tape on the cap has already been torn off, suggesting the bottle may have tampered with.

That's weird, he thinks to himself.

"Do not use if seal is missing" it reads on the bottle.

The man thinks for a second, but not wanting to ru...

What do you call a left leaning pirate with scurvy?

A bleeding-gum liberal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to have a picture of Ronald Regan in my bathroom.

To mt conservative friends I would say "That man got shit done, and you can too". To my liberal friends I would say "Isn't this the room where you'd put a piece of shit". But the reality it's just where I stored all of my mad cash. Nobody's going to touch a picture that's hanging in a bathroom.

No wonder reddit is so liberal

It has a 99% recycling rate

How did the liberal get to the protest?

he used acab.

I just saw a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.

What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?

I don't know why people say that no employer will be interested in your liberal arts degree.

I would love to hire someone who has clearly shown that they don't care at all about how much money they make.

Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist?

Because they are anti-social.

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

My sunscreen said to "apply liberally"...

...so i cried about Trump while i put it on.

A liberal wins the powerball!

Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!

A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar...

the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's funny how liberals think Donald Trump oppresses women and hates gays

Like he's a Muslim or something.

If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip

$5, and be glad it's 20%.

What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a homosexual supreme ruler with neither conservative nor liberal views?

Mod Czar Gay

A fascist, liberal, and communist start arguing who’s got a better ideology

To settle their argument, they decide to see whose ideology can make a cat eat mustard.

Fascist takes a spoonful of mustard and forcefully shoves it down the cat’s throat.

Liberal puts mustard between two pieces of tasty meat and thus tricks the cat into eating it.

Communist sme...

As liberal as I am, Donald Trump and I do have one thing in common.

If Ivanka weren't his daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her.

Why are there so many rednecks in Florida?

Because sunscreen instructions include: “apply liberally”

The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster

lack toast and tolerant

Why did the pirate not like the old video game with a liberal-leaning political message?

It was hard to port

I was told today the Liberals suck

It was at that point I realized why conservative men are so uptight all the time

You know, I haven't always been liberal

You would see I'm a big fan of 80's Bush, if you check my search history.

The big questions

What are the big questions a philosopher, scientist and liberal arts grad seek to answer?

The Philosopher: “What is the meaning of existence?”

The Scientist: “Why are things the way they are?”

The Liberal Arts Grad: “Would you like some fries with that?”

What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed?

Oh,the humanities!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberals think that Trump doesn't like the planet

well then why's he trying to fuck it?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.