Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've recently been trying to recapture my youth.

I really need to fix the basement door

My grandfather said youth can't live without technology these days

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walls of youth

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father took an outing to a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father responded, 'S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, I'm setting out to recapture my lost youth.

I could've sworn I locked the basement door.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate and I were walking along when we noticed a gang of bat carrying youths in our way. He said "Quick! Pretend we're the police."

I sang 'Every breath you take' But we still got the shit kicked out of us.

A group of youths are smoking outside my house. It's a bit intimidating. Perhaps I'll call the police.

Or just move my cardboard box to somewhere else.

Wandering through the hot desert, a youthful looking man comes upon a tent. Intrigued, he ventures inside...

...there before him lies a table with three upright cups. Behind the table, grinning ear to ear, is the proprietor.

“Welcome! Welcome!”, the proprietor says. “Care to play? Only five shekels. Keep track of which cup has the bean under it and win double.”

Unmoved, the man replies, “Cert...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple is in a terrible accident and the woman’s face is severely burned.

The doctor tells the husband that they can’t graft any skin from her body because she is so skinny. So, the husband decides to donate some of his own skin for the operation.

However, the doctor finds that the only suitable place to take the skin is from his ass. The husband requests that no ...

I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...

## Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

Why didn't the Muslim youth get the coronavirus?

Because he was a Quran Teen.

There is a teenage kitchen basin at your front door selling water from the fountain of youth

Let that sink in

I'm forever trying to recapture my youth.

I need better handcuffs as she keeps running away!

The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking...

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me? "

"Ask you what?" Replied the trucker. "If I'm a boy or a girl." Answered the youth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

William Stranahan heads to the village for a pint or two...

The old Scotsman is greeted at the pub by his aged mates for their weekly bender. And, aye, they are shameless. They leer at the young lassies. They gripe about the fleeting virility of the young men. They curse the government. They reminisce about the days of yore. But mostly, they drink well throu...

I tied telling these youths to get of the street and go get a job. They insulted me by replying ok boomer.

Well I was so upset I had to run to my nearest house and spend the next half hour deciding which bathroom to cry in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was reading a newspaper

A man was reading a newspaper when his son suddenly barged into the living room. He was all sweaty and out of breath, but had a big smile on his face. “Dad!” exclaimed his son, “I just lost my virginity!” The man put down his newspaper and looked at his son proudly. The young man standing before him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can priests help troubled youth?

They give a holy fuck

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.

Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of abuse I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like “PEADO” “NONCE” “KIDDY FIDDLER”

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...

My father was a kamikaze pilot in his youth

Not a very successful one, obviously.

At the Glasgow Sheriff's Court, the Sheriff is becoming annoyed at the conduct of a scruffy youth in the spectators' gallery

who is leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and noisily chewing gum with his mouth half open. Eventually the Sheriff can bear it no more and signals for the bailiff, and says to him "Would ye tell yon young man to stop masticatin' in ma coort?". Whereupon the bailiff trots up to th...

I support euthanasia.

In fact, I support the youth in every continent.

An old woman was sitting next to her fire one day when suddenly a spark jumped out and turned into a fairy.

The fairy told the old woman she could have three wishes.

The old woman thinks for a while and then asks for the following:

1) she wants 10 million dollars

2) she wants to be 18 years old again

3) she wants her faithful tomcat, Tiger, to be turned into a healthy 19 year o...

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

So I saw a group of youths (6 in total) starting a fight with a ginger lad

He did some sort of MMA combination and knock ever one of them out, turns out he was the carroty kid.

We told the youth at our church that every time they curse they have to do 10 push-ups

So our church is a gym now

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a Doctor

He says "doctor my maid has tested positive for corona virus"

Doctor says "ok she would now have to go in
isolation"

"But sir, I had kissed her"

"No problem, all make mistakes in youth. You are also going in isolation"

"But then I kissed my wife too"

"You crazy...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth.

Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

What do you get when you have more than 2 kids in China?

Youth in Asia.

BDSM is supposedly a hit with the youth

But it's just something I'd rather not get tied up in

Even though Sea World is shut down, the animals still need to be taken care of

Obama answers the call for volunteers. On his first day, they assign him to feed the baby dolphins.

As he is doing so, another volunteer accosts him "Our country is in crisis. Don't you have anything better to do?"

He replied "I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nazi Germany sponsored a program for less fortunate kids to travel to the Far East.

it was called "youth in Asia".

If you sat with your hands in the fountain of youth,

would your hands get wrinkly?

Once upon a time there were two youths in love

Once upon a time there were two youths in love. They met in grade school and instantly knew that they would be married and be with each other forever. Their families became close friends and as they grew older it became more and more obvious to everyone that they were destined to be together.
...

At a party, an old lady was complaining about the behaviour of the youth of today.

'Look at the girl over there.' She complained, 'I don't know what young girls are coming to! She is wearing boys jeans, a boys shirt, and that hair cut is so boyish - you wouldn't know if she was a girl at all, would you?'.

'Well, as it happens I would', came the reply, 'because she is my da...

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am shocked at how many youth today do anal bleaching

I am always hearing them talk about changing their ring tone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost in Translation

In my youth I was a bit of a Lady's man and had quite my share of girlfriends.

At one point, while I was at university, I went to Germany for Erasmus and I met a university colleague that I ended up dating for a while.

She had the strange fetish of giving me a score whenever we made lo...

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Graduate degree fishing

So there’s a guy who wants a graduate degree, but he’s not sure what he wants to study. He remembers a time in his youth where he learned about all different types of fish and things used to catch fish. That memory intrigued him. So he started looking into marine biology, but thought, nah that’s not...

Feeling sheepish

Guy driving down the road sees a farmer in the pasture banging a sheep.

He is so dumbfounded that he continues driving trying to come to grips with what he saw until he comes to a stop sign.

He decides that he must go back and confront the farmer about what he is doing

He return...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, a rabbi and a minister are on an airplane with an interfaith youth group

The plane starts to go down, and they find there are only three parachutes.


"We'll take them and jump," says the minister.
"But the children," cries the rabbi, "we have to save the children!"


The minister snaps, "fuck the children!"


The priest glances back at the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation...

I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am disgusted by the youth of today.

They taste like shit.

A wise old gentleman retired...

...and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every...

Do you know why today's youth is so odd?

Because they can't even

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is hip hop popular among urban youth?

because it's the only time a black man can tell a crowd of white people to put their hands in the air.

Today's youth are getting worse..

Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle

My son is playing hockey for the youth Nashville team.

GO CHILD PREDATORS!!!

My Local Youth Centre Wanted a Donation Towards Their Pool

i gave them a bucket of water

After my existential crisis, I decided to take a job as a feeder at the local dolphinarium

Now I’m serving a youthful porpoise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The youth of today

A little old man is sitting on a park bench one hot, summer afternoon when a young lad (around 15 years old) walks up and sits down to the old man. The young lad then opened a can of lager and lit up a cigerette, the old man was clearly disgusted with this and said "That stuff will kill you, you've...

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

TIL when China ended the one-child policy in 2015 there was actually a significant rise in adolescent euthanasia.

Sorry, youth in Asia.

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old dudes are sitting on a park bench discussing their youth and how things have changed. One says to the other one, "these days there is premarital sex, extramarital sex, swinging... I never had premarital sex with my wife, did you?"

The other thinks for a moment and says "What was her maiden name again?"

So a clothes designer drank from the Fountain of Youth...

Now she's Forever 21.

Some say youth is wasted on the young, I say wealth is wasted on the old.

Also Oxycontin.

What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth?

Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really wish I was young and Japanese...

It seems like everybody is offering their support to youth in Asia.

I long for the innocence of youth, back when I was happy just playing with a slinky all day

Things are so different now.

It's like, 3...4 hours tops and I'm bored with the thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police: Viagra on the Rise as Recreational Drug Amongst Urban Youth

The Boys in the Hood are always hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly man suspects that his wife may be losing her hearing

He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it.

Man: Doc, I think my wife may be losing her hearing. Is there anything I can do for her?

Docto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman walks into a confessional

A beautiful young woman walks into a confessional, "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned, I made wild passionate love to a man after he told me I was special, and beautiful and the only one in the world for him"


The priest tsks, but remembering the follies of youth, lets her off easy "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man walks into a bar, asks the barman to pour him three shots of whisky.

The barman pours them, the youth drinks all three straight down.

“Whoa” says the barman, “are you celebrating something?”

The guy smiles at the barman, “Yeah, my first blowjob”.

“Well”, the barman says, “in that case, have another one on me”.

“Thanks”, replies the youth,...

Inner city youths

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of a car in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the Mc Laren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the inner city youths as most races could be won or lost in the pits.
the first race came along and...

Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth.

Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets.

"Have you ever cheated on me?"

An old married couple was sitting on a bench in a park. They have seen plenty of struggles and success in their long life together, and now were enjoying retirement.

"I have been faithful to you all these years, darling", the man continued, "I have sometimes wondered about your loyalty, but I...

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

He’s too strong to be kept alive!

When I was a little boy, I was playing with my toys, *whistling*. Ahhh, the beauties of youth. I vroomed my toy car here and there and sang when I was interrupted with an aggresive rap on the front door. I opened the door and I saw nowone there. But as I looked down, I saw a snail. “Hey sir, what yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy asked me: Who is this Chuck Norris guy?

Well, in short: He build the house he was born in by his aunt because no one dared to screw his mom. In his youth he molested catholic priests after that he joined the army where He was a well known Kamikaze pilot for about 7 times. He made fire with a magnifying glass under water at night and coun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage

He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister.

The young man devastated but still wanting to get married suggests his next door neighbor's daughter. The father tells him with ...

I saw a bunch of youths hitting an old lady.

I stopped my car, wound down my window and yelled, "Excuse me, that's my mother-in-law."

"And what?" they replied.

"And she's still moving."

Sherlock Holmes arrives back at Baker Street as Watson is heading out of the door.

"Where are you off to Watson?"

"Oh, I've got a date with Ella from down the road. She left me a note for where to meet." Says Watson, "see you in a few hours!" and he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

30 minutes later, Watson returns.

Sherlock is sitting in his chair, smok...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper...

After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intently at the youth's multicolored mohawk. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"

The man responded, "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wo...

A priest and a rabbi

are visiting a local inner-city public school. They do this every few weeks to try and influence some of the kids to come visit one of their churches. It's actually quite nice to see that churches, despite their differences, can work together to try and help out the youth. Sadly, one day a fire burs...

I heard that Chinese opium is so strong that it can kill you.

No wonder it's a drug for youth-in-Asia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two students are late for school,

so their teacher sends them to the principal's office.

The first boy enters and sits down. The principal asks him why he was late, to which the boy responds, "I was throwing sticks in the lake." The principal, new at the school, thinks to himself, "Boy, this school sure is strict - that's no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pussy Willow

One morning, old man Speller is sitting on his front porch, when the neighbors’ young son walks by dragging a whole mess of fencing behind him.

“Hey boy! Where you goin’ with all that fencin’?”, asks the old man.

“This here mister? Well this here’s chicken wire, I’m going to catch me s...

Cinderella was now 95 years old....

Cinderella was now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now-dead prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Ci...

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anna Kournikova is approached by her agent with one last career option.

He explains that with her youthful looks behind her, her best option is to take a training shoe endorsement she has been offered. She'll only need to model the footwear from the legs down, and give them use of her name.

She's reluctant because years of top level tennis gave her leg muscles wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa must be really into sex tourism

He keeps going on and on about "youth in Asia."

The Pizza Delivery Guy

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing ...

Sherlock Irritates Watson

A confirmed bachelor, Sherlock Holmes did not have a lack of admirers willing to satisfy all his carnal needs, but yet he chose to be single, which irritated Watson to no end. As a sidekick, Watson did not get to enjoy the constant fawning of young nubile flesh willing to submit to his every wish. O...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.