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Sake Jokes

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I have a question. Is it for fuck's sake, or for fuck sake?

Like, should I put an apostrophe to show possessive? I guess the question would be, is it for the sake of all fucks, or just this fuck in particular?

Idk, so let me know because I'm at work trying to send an email, and I wanted to sound professional.

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A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm

A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift
itself."

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A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn’t know if he’s going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son’s sake.

The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard on. Out of nowhere a beautiful nurse's aide walks in, bends over & blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone with his son and says, "Son, I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home....

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Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?

For christ’s sake

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Celibacy or .....

Before being ordained 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks. Anyone whose bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved fanny danced before each one. 1st priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached last p...

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[NSFW] It's said that women may sometimes fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship...

...whereas men may fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

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Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

For goodness sake you've had your nose in that book all day long, why?

I lost my bookmark

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A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment...

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.



"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.



"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."



"How does it work?"



The guys picks up a hammer, gives the ...

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Elderly couple

An elderly couple were at home watching TV. 
Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"

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Cocks

A priest kept chickens at his village. One evening the cock went missing. At the church pass prayer gathering, the priest asked:
-“Who has a cock?”…All the men got up.
-“No I meant who has seen a cock?”…All the women got up.
-“No,no, Who has seen a cock that isn’t theirs?”…Half the women go...

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

So you like limericks, huh?

On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.

As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!"

It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.

A Swede, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and their wives went to play golf one day. They were about to tee off on the first hole.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good Grief, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any....

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A Prostitute visits the Doctor.

Prostitute: Doc I think that I am pregnant.

Doctor: Do you know who the father is?

Prostitute: Replies "Oh! For fuck's sake, if you ate a can of beans,

would you know which one made you fart?"

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

"For God's sake man, put some pants on!"

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...

"For goodness sake, keep it down!"

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The husband leans over and asks his wife "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a cr...

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Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

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3 guys have a sleep over

3 guys have a sleep over after watching a scary movie, they all decide to stay in the same bed. The next morning the guy on the left says " last night i had the best dream a beautiful blonde girl was wanking me off " The guy on the right says " That's strange I had a similar dream except the girl wa...

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An Arab man is wandering lost through the desert

An Arab man is wandering lost through the Sahara. He sees a man in the distance and struggles to get there hoping it's not a mirage. He finally arrives and sees a nice Jewish man with a table of ties.

"Please, I've been lost for hours and so incredibly thirsty, do you have any water?". The Je...

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I was painting my nails earlier when I heard my boss yell at me from across the room.

He said “For fuck’s sake, will you stop painting the damn things and just hammer them into the damn wall”

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A Texan buys a round of drinks...

.. for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just gave birth to "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations resounded. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How mu...

A man was travelling the countryside with his 8-year-old daughter. One particularly stormy night they were forced to take shelter in a local mansion owned by a lonely widow. The widow was happy to receive guests and was very hospitable for the two weary travellers.

The next morning the father said to his daughter:

"I have to take care of some business in the nearby town. Mrs. Sterling has kindly agreed to look after you while I'm gone. I will be back tomorrow morning. Promise to be good while I'm gone."

"Yes father, I promise", the little girl sa...

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A priest is riding a cab

A priest gets a taxi. While driving, the taxi driver is being extremely obnoxious. Every time the car gets into a small pit in the road, the taxi driver says "Fuck!" or "Shit!". The priest is silent. Then they accidentally hit a pothole, and the taxi driver goes "Motherfucker!". Then they hit a crac...

Wife: "Look. I haven’t worn this in 8 years and it still fits."

Husband: "For God’s sake woman, it’s a scarf!"

An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"


"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds."


"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"
<...

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After meeting with my Japanese friend in Tokyo I went to a local bar

I bought some sake. And some more. And was it vodka? Or martini. Definitely something with L in the name. And some sake. I saw other patrons turned into pigs, a bartender dragon flying around and a guy turning into a polluted river in the bathhouse. I was very much spirited away.

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Religion is like a penis.

It's fine to have one, and it's fine to be proud of it.

But, don't go waving it around in people's faces, and for goodness' sake, don't go shoving it down our kids throats.

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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman…..

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman took their wives to play a round of golf…
The Englishman’s wife stepped up to the tee first and as she bent over to place her ball, a sudden gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties.

“Good God, my sweet pet! What e...

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon.

He surprised the lady of the house and tied her up. He then waited until the man of the house came upstairs and held him at gun point and demanded that the man have over all the jewelry and cash that the had in the house.

The man began sobbing and said:

"You can take anything you want...

Jesus likes to drink wine.

As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The r...

I was walking down the street today, and noticed a woman screaming at her son. How do you lose a cello, it's as big as you are? Where could you have possibly lost it, tell me or so help me.

I walked up to the woman, and said for the sake of your son, please do not resort to violins.

A guy shows up at the gates of heaven

St. Peter prepares to welcome the man, but before St. Peter can greet him, the man walks away. A few moments later, the exact same thing happens. This repeats itself a couple of times before St. Peter angrily asks: "For God's sake, are you gonna come in or not!?"

The man, walking away yet aga...

"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."

The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her somethi...

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Visit to the in-laws

So Barry is visiting his in-laws after a night spent drinking heavily. In his hungover state he is desperate to do a fart, and tries to edge one out carefully, but loses control and it makes a loud trumpeting sound.


And the host yells at their dog "Get out of it Spot, get out from u...

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A crappy joke I thought up.

What do you get if you purchase a quad pack of traditional mature Japanese wine?

Four old times sake.

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Premature ejaculator:

Seeks young attractive woman for a fling,

Must have large tits, big lips and a tight arse,

and....aaaaaw, fuck sake, never mind!!!!!!

My father is very religiuos.

He tells me to do everything for Christ's sake.

Fly high...

After a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain welcome to flight 293 non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto the weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight, so sit back, relax and....

I saw my ex working at subway the other day

So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.

An old wife talks to her life-long husband. She tells him “do you remember when we were a young couple? We used to be a hot couple, you used to tell me things that would make me want you. Talk to me dirty. For old time’s sake. Tell me something dirty again!

He replies : the kitchen

Paddy's deaf wife

Paddy feared his wife Mary wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test that Paddy could perform to give the do...

Infidelity upgraded

A couple in the Philippines is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. When their guests left, they started talking privately.

Husband: It's been 25 years since we exchanged our vows. Was there a time that you cheated on me?

Wife: My guilt haunts me, but now I'm willing to confess....

People who cook breakfast in a t-shirt are dumbasses.

Use a pan,for God's sake.

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'Reincarnation' - My favourite joke of all time

Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to. St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the two of t...

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I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

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A Japanese man walks into a bar..

Just for the sake of it.

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An American businessman goes to Japan for the meeting of his career.

He arrives a day early to prepare for the meeting, he tries some sushi and sake at a local restaurant. Feeling tempted to try more "local cuisine" he hires an escort for the evening. Night falls and he takes his escort up to his hotel room for some fun, he gives her all he's got and he knows she's l...

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A man walks into a bar in Westeros

And the bartender says "stop speaking in third person Jaqen for fuck's sake"

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- Is there a doctor in the room?

\- I'm a doctor

\- This man is having a heart attack

\- Well, I mean I'm a doctor in Spanish linguistics

\- He's dying, for fucks sake, he's dying!

\- Se estĂĄ muriendo, coĂąo, se estĂĄ muriendo!

Cow is climbing up the tree..

Crow asks her -" Cow for f sake! Why are climbing on that tree?"

Cow - I want to eat some apples.

Crow - What? That's a pine!! It doesn't grow apples!

Cow - It's ok i took some apples with me.

A man was walking through a park

He stopped by a flock of seagulls sitting on the grass verge next to a pond trying to snap up some worms from the mud. One of the seagulls drops a worm and shouts "oh for god sake".

The man is intrigued that it can talk so he goes and asks it where it's from. "I'm from around London but I tr...

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Confensual sex

A couple had been married for 40 years, and decided for their anniversary they would go to the same spot they went on their honeymoon those 40 years ago. It was a nice little spot by a farm, with rolling hills visible in the distance.

As they strolled down a path next to the cows, the husband...

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Last night I was bored so I entered a drinking competition in a japanese restaurant

It was only for the sake of it

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I have a friend named Fuck...

...We do everything for his sake.

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A man and his wife were sharing their very first wedding anniversary... (NSFW)

The wife says "Honey, I'll do anything you want for you tonight"

Husband replies "Nice! How about a 69er!"

"I can't, I'm on my period!"

"I don't give a fuck!"

"Well" she says, "if you don't care then I certainly don't, let's do it."

So they are going at it for a bi...

Dave has an awesome job

Dave was commissioned to drive the Pope to the airport within the hour. Unfortunately, being a new driver, he got lost.

"It's all right, my son. I used to drive these streets in my youth. We'll get there in time."

The Pope took the wheel with Dave sitting in the back seat. He drove lik...

A priest has a weiner dog which he loves.

One day when he woke up to feed him, the priest didn't find him. So he asked the local residents to come so he can ask about his dog.
He asked them:

"Does anybody have a weiner?"

So all the men stood up,

"No no that's not what I meant, has anyone seen a weiner?"

So all...

An amateur birdwatcher and a professional ornithologist are observing the same patch of the forest floor.

There’s a break in the canopy above them, so there are dozens of birds congregated to soak up the sunlight. The scientist is eagerly taking notes and muttering to himself, “28…29…30… there’s 31 distinct species all in this one clearing! It’s amazing!”

The birdwatcher tells him, “No, they’re a...

Just one kiss, please

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her doorstep. As they were about to wish each other goodnight,the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, said to her,

“Honey, would you give me a kiss?”
...

Proudly showing off his new flat…

… to his friends last night, a slightly tipsy man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that for?” one of the guests asked.
“That’s the talking clock,” the man replied.
“How does it work?” asked his friend.
“Watch…” the man said, giving it a whack with...

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