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Can anyone guess the company name that specializes in Prosthetics Assholes.

PROSTI-TOOT

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I just read a story about a German scientist who invented a prosthetic penis

Nobody thought he could pull it off

I sell prosthetics for children...

I'm a small arms dealer

A prosthetic technician got bored one afternoon...

Sitting at his desk while working on a replacement ear for a patient, the technician decided to play around with the molds and shapes.

Finding entertainment in making small animals, his supervisor arrived to inspect his progress.

The technician asked, "what do you think about my litt...

Imagine a pirate with a prosthetic breast.

That’d be funny, wooden tit

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg.

It's just a stocking filler

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My girlfriend had a leg removed and got it replaced with a dildo prosthetic.

She calls it her "pegleg".

I once went on a date with a girl with a prosthetic leg.

The date went well but she was slightly confused why I'd brought a false leg with me.

What do you call trendy internal prosthetics?

Hip implants

I saw a guy with a prosthetic leg today.

I guess you can say he had a big iron on his hip...

There’s a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street.

He’s an arms dealer.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.

Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.

What does a prosthetic rental service do?

They lend a hand.

My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.

He is an International Arms dealer.

Captain Hook ordered a new prosthetic hand online.

It was off the hook

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A man with three prosthetic limbs walks into a bar.

The bartender asks: “what happened to your arms and your leg?”

The man replied: “Last week I was in an accident and lost my right arm, 3 days ago another accident caused me to lose my right leg, and yesterday I get into another accident and lose my left arm. So either I’m literally falling ap...

A guy with golden prosthetic legs walks into a bar and orders all of the beer

The bartender asks,

Bartender: *"how are you going to pay for all of that?"*

Guy: *"With mah-knee."*

Why are prosthetic companies the best?

Because they are always willing to lend a hand

Why did the one legged man get a prosthetic leg for Christmas?

It was a stocking stuffer.

As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost.

He said an arm and a leg.

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The best name for a prosthetic ass company:

FARSE

A man came up to me in the park.

"Excuse me," he said, leaning on the bench, "have you seen a dog with five legs?"

"A dog with five legs?" I laughed. "Don't be daft, dogs only have four."

He sighed.

Then hopped off, shouting, "Has anyone seen my prosthetic limb?!"

I went to the prosthetic limb store to buy some new hands

"Two of each hand please." I say to the man at the counter.
"We're all out of left hands sir." He responds.
"All right then."

Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion?

Anyone can pull them off

A girl was throwing stones in her backyard one day

She threw one a little too hard and it came back and hit her in the eye. She ran inside yelling and crying and her parents drove her to the hospital

The doctor tells the family that her eye is going to have to be removed and she’ll need a prosthetic. The family doesn’t have a lot of money and...

An animal prosthetics expert walks into a bar

"What's wrong buddy?" The bartender asked. "You seem down."

"Two whiskies, please. I made a lot of Faux Paws at work today."

What do you call a dog's prosthetic limb?

A faux paw.

Why was the CEO of a leading prosthetics company arrested?

It came out that he was involved in international arms dealing.

What do you call someone who sells prosthetics to the military?

An arms dealer.

My used store for prosthetics will be called

The Second Hand, Second Hand Store

OC! A 3-legged dog walks into a bar; he’s wearing a prosthetic.

The bartender is obviously checking out his prosthesis.

“Oh that,” says the dog, “excuse the faux paw.”

I guess if your dog had prosthetic feet...

They’d be going through many paws

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Prosthetic breasts were changed to plastic material after numerous reports of lip splinters occurring during foreplay.

That would suck wooden tit?

I got arrested for robbing a prosthetic store.

I decided to fight the charges. The way I see it, they don't have a leg to stand on.

Where do amputees get prosthetics on a budget?

The Secondhand store.

What did the handicapped person say about his prosthetic arms?

These come in handy.

In retrospect, I'm embarrassed that I had a prosthetic leg made for my three-legged dog.

Faux paw.

What do you call a person who sells prosthetic limbs for kids?

a small arms dealer.

Not sure about this new job offer for prosthetics sales representatives...

I don’t want to be involved in arms dealing.

When people ask me about my prosthetic arm

I tell them it was crazy expensive. It costs an arm and a leg, but I was able to bargain.

What did people say in January, to celebrate Van Gogh's new prosthetic?

Happy New Ear!

A dinner guest made a joke about my cats prosthetic foot.

Major faux paw.

A paraplegic got prosthetic legs for a single day before they broke.

He had a one night stand.

A wealthy woman had lost her right hand and left foot in a car accident.

Her doctor told her that he would have her new prosthetics ready the next day. She sent her servant to go pick them up from the hospital. The servant was a couple hours early. The servant waited on her hand and foot.

What do you call a guy with a prosthetic rubber toe

Roberto.

What do you call a prosthetic used in exchage for your missing leg.

A stubstitute

“Look Ma! No hands!”

“Dammit Jimmy those prosthetics were expensive!”

I've got a prosthetic leg.

I just hope it's previous owner got home okay.

What did the man with no legs say at a prosthetics fundraiser?

"Finally, a cause I can stand for!"


(OC)

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It would have been weird if they made prosthetic boobs way back when

Wooden tit

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Making a prosthetic boob from a tree would be really silly...

Wooden tit

I found a cheap prosthetic arm on Craigslist

Secondhand

A man had a workplace accident which caused him to lose one of his ear.

He had no choice but to get a ear prosthetic to replace his lost ear. However, he seemed to be a completely changed person, from his mannerisms to his personality. His colleague finally caved and asked him one day: "Hey, why have you changed so much since the accident?". To which he replied:
...

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3 surgeons are in a bar...

They're arguing over who is the best surgeon out of all of them. The first one goes, "Well, one of my patients lost his leg, but after I gave him a prosthetic leg, he became an Olympic runner." Second one goes, "Psh, that's nothing! I once had a patient with several brain disabilities and was mental...

"STOP HITTING YOURSELF, STOP HITTING YOURSELF" the bully chanted

But I could not, for he popped off my prosthetics

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A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

What do unsatisfied customers of prosthetic feet give the manufacturer?

Their feedback.

What's another name for a prosthetic patella?

Faux-knee

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A man was walking down the street when his son asks him a question.

"Dad, why is that guy wearing a robot leg?"

"It's a prosthetic leg," the father explains. "They go where real limbs used to be."

Confused, the son asks, "Did mum used to have a penis?"

"No son," the dad replies. "Why'd you ask?"

"She has one in her drawer."

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A blind lady is having sex with a man with a prosthetic leg...

After she orgasms for the tenth time, she touches her lovers' face and breathily whispers, "was that as good for you as it was for me?"

The man wakes up startled, and hesitantly looks down under the covers.

"I think you got off on the wrong foot."

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Me and my friend have an amputee foot fetish.

I know, it's gross, but we can only cum on prosthetic legs. Anyway, our last three-way with an amputee, we both prematurely came on her real toes! I had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."

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A man is sitting alone at home, when suddenly there’s a knock at his door ...

Standing at the door is a door to door salesman.

Man: Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.

Salesman: But what I’m selling is very interesting. I’m a purveyor of luxury prosthetics. Allow me to demonstrate.

And he raises the right leg of his pants. His leg is solid gold!...

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My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took the Purple Heart that he got in Vietnam.

He was so mad he threw his prosthetic leg at me.

Did you hear about the amazing new prosthetic device for paraplegics?

It's called a Vegetable Stand.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, ...

and floating in a bathtub? >!Bob!<

and sitting outside your front door? >!Mat!<

and hanging on your wall? >!Art!<

and lives in a swamp? >!Pete!<

and sitting in hole? >!Doug!<

and wanted for theft? >!Rob!<

and fully functio...

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Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

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Apparently 3 out of 5 Americans live next to some sort of sexual pervert.

Not me, I live next to a sexy senior citizen with a prosthetic leg!

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A guy goes to his doctor... his leg is turning blue.

The doctor runs some tests and says: “you got a rare degenerative condition. We’ll have to amputate.” So the guy gets his leg amputated and fitted with a prosthetic. Couple of weeks later, the other leg starts going blue. Doctor delivers the same news. So the second leg is also amputated.

Two...

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

You are what you think you are

Her: What do you do?

Me: Global prosthetics distribution.

Her: So you’re an artificial limb salesman?



Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.

Arms Dealer?

Would those who make upper extremity prosthetics be known as "arms dealers"?

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Timmy and Sally were at a school dance.......

At the dance Timmy and Sally sat on opposites sides of the hall. Timmy with the boys and Sally with the girls.

They were both born with genetic disorders.

* Timmy was born without a left eye but he wore a wooden prosthetic in its place.
* Sally was born with a cleft palate, the corr...

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I...

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[Long] [NSFW] So a man is at the bar with some co-workers...

They're sitting around, throwing a few back, when the man decides to get clever. He tells them, "Lads, did ya know I'm capable of biting my own eye?" His co-workers tell him to come off it, but he insists that it's true. So, curious, they each put money on the table, willing to take this drunks mone...

There was a father and son..

The father is a war veteran. He also has a prosthetic leg. One day, his son asks..

"Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"

The father responds, "No, I got shot in the leggy"

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He walks into a bank

# NSFW
^(sorry i forgot to flair the post)

A man walks into a bank. At the teller’s window, he deposits $5,000. When he leaves, the manager walks up to the teller, concerned.

“Where does he get all that money?” said the manager to the teller, “There’s something mighty suspicious ...

Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?

It was two-tired.

*Slaps knee*

*Prosthetic leg falls off*

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A man walks into a bar...

"Hey bartender! I bet you 50 bucks I can spit on my own eye!"

It being a slow night, the bartender accepts the bet. The man then immediately pulls out his glass eye and hocks a loogie on it.

"Bullshit!" Yells the bartender. "I'm not paying you jack for that!"

Without skipping ...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

Thibodeaux had recently lost an eye

and gotten it replaced with a wooden one. A few weeks later, he went on down to the bar where he noticed a lady with a prosthetic leg.

Thibodeaux walked up to her and asked if she'd like to dance. She gasped and said, "would i?"

Thibodeaux yelled back "peg leg!"

An Iraq War Veteran Walks into a Bar

He quietly takes a seat and asks for a bourbon, double. The bartender obliges, and notices the man's dog-tags while he pours the drink. "First one's on the house – for your service." The veteran nods in approval and reaches towards his glass, but drops it just as he picks it up, spilling the whiskey...

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A young mechanic...

A young mechanic was working on a car when the lift broke, and the car fell and severed his arm. Now severely depressed because he had one arm, loved to golf, and couldn't afford a prosthetic arm, decided "well, this is it. This is my end... I will kill myself because I can't play golf nor afford an...

A one eyed man

Had no money to buy a fancy prosthetic eye, so he carved one out of wood and painted it. Because of this he was shy, unable to talk to girls, and he felt very lonely. One day at work he was having lunch alone when he was joined by a woman with a cleft lip. Although she was shy at first, they finally...

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Once upon a time, there was a sand dune with legs.

Duney they called him, truly one of a kind - a war hero of great accomplishment and honour, until that one fateful night.

It was 7PM, and the sun's glow was falling. Duney was exhausted, stumbling with his gun's barrel scraping along the desert's sand.
That was when Duney's world entered ...

Did you hear about the guy who had his knee replaced with a Magic 8-Ball?

He had a prophetic prosthetic.

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Would you like to dance?

A man noticed his friends had been feeling down lately so he decided to set them up on a date. He told the first friend that he knew a great girl and the man was overjoyed, but he warned his friend that she was very self conscious of her weight and not to bring it up. No problem.

He called t...

So what do you do?

*I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*

So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?

*I prefer international arms dealer.*

I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...

... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.

In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.

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[Long] An old gambler sits down at a bar and orders a drink. After a few drinks the gambler calls the bartender over and says "I'll bet you $100 dollars I can wrap my knee around my neck.

"The bartender thinks to himself that's impossible there's no way that old man is that limber so he says "I'll take that bet" and pulls a $100 dollars from the drawer. The old gambler removes his prosthetic leg and wraps it around his neck grabs the hundred dollars and buys another round.

Af...

I have at last fulfilled my dream of becoming arms dealer...

... by selling 3D printed prosthetic limbs for the needy.

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[NSFW] (language) The man with the timber eye

There's a fellow out there who's quite attractive-- by most standards, he'd be a perfect 10. But he has one flaw-- he's missing an eye, and he's too poor to afford a good prosthetic, so he's had it replaced with painted timber. It's a reasonably good job, and it's comfortable, but it's still clear t...

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A cheating husband (long joke), NSFW

A cheating husband is caught by his wife. She goes crazy and cuts his dick off. It cannot be re-attached. They divorce and years go by. The guy's doctor tells him about an experimental procedure where they make a prosthetic out of an elephant's trunk. The guy agrees to have the procedure done. ...

So a guy goes to his dentist...

...to get some a prosthetic plate fitted. Well, a month or so later he goes back. The new plates just don't feel like they are sitting correctly and feel as if they are a little loose. His dentist takes a look and asks, "Have you been eating anything particularly acidic?"

"Well... my wife doe...

Oscar

• Roses are red,

Violets are glorious,

Don't try to surprise

Oscar Pistorius


• She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

• Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

• When Oscar Pistorius sai...

You know what I want

A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, tak...

Wooden Eye Vet

A war vet with a wooden eye goes to a dance for injured veterans. He can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a prosthetic leg. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and asks "Would you da...

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