President Obama and the Queen are proceeding towards Buckingham Palace in the Queen's carriage, waving to thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses.
The Queen turns to her guest, Mr President, please accept my regrets...
The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.”
“If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!”
There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, “Two thousand five hundred!”
A burglar was sneaking into a museum, and he had to get past the guard on duty...
The guard had his head in his hands, and he was crying.
"I can't believe I've worked here for 10 years, and everyone has forgotten my birthday again! Longer hours, more work, and no appreciation! I can't do this anymore" The guard said to himself as he continued to sob.
The burglar c...
During WW2 a German soldier based in France is proceeding home on leave in a fully loaded passenger train
He shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young Frenchman. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.
A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.
'So unlucky' th...
Court proceedings were rescheduled because a juror appeared to have sprained his ankle upon entering the court chambers. It turns out he was related to the defendant, and he only pretended to be injured in an attempt to buy his relative more time. When the judge found this out, he punished the man.
Lucky for the man, a fake in jury isn’t a serious offense.
The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.
Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.