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Prosecute Jokes

Why can’t you prosecute unleavened bread?

Because there’s no proof

A writer was prosecuted for a short story he wrote

They gave him a long sentence.

Did you hear about the lawyer who was prosecuted for having a loophole fetish?

He got off on a technicality.

A British man, a French man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All women should be prosecuted..

..for animal cruelty, sitting on their pussies all the time.

A land owner has caught a trespasser on his land.

"Didn't you see my sign that said, Private. Trespassers will be prosecuted?"

"Well, it's like this. I saw the sign, but when I read 'Private', I didn't read any further 'cause I thought it wasn't any of my business."



\-- Modern adaptation of a joke from a 1913 newspaper.

Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted?

Because of the Santa Clause

Did you hear about the guy who stole all that hand sanitizer?

They couldn't prosecute, his hands were clean.

My father had five arms. He crashed his car into a guy with two heads. The case went to court but neither driver was prosecuted.

The judge said it was a freak accident.

Importance of a good college education

A father is lecturing his son about the importance of a good education.

“Father, what’s the difference between a man with a college degree and a man without?” Said the son.

“Well son,” said the father, “you can perform the same job but the outcome will vary depending if you have a co...

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Today a young man was detained after being caught red handed with a giant magnifying glass. He'd been focusing the light to a small dot on to peoples bottoms until they caught fire.

He was prosecuted for arse-sun

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgical Removal of a Mole

I'm back from hospital now. ... I had a mole removed from my penis.


The surgeon said I'll be OK, but the RSPCA said they'll prosecute if I ever do it again.

Where's the best place for Edward Snowden to hide?

Wallstreet. No one there ever seems to get prosecuted.

Did you know that if you put 10,000 monkeys in a room with 10,000 typewriters then....

...... you're a rich, eccentric weirdo who should be prosecuted for animal cruelty.

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