Piranha Jokes - 25 Hilarious Piranha Jokes

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 6 minutes.

Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought,

"This will come back to bite me."

I recommend everyone to go swimming with piranhas.

It's a once in a lifetime experience.

Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

There are 2 piranhas in a tank

Noone told them how to drive it

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

What is the funniest fish?

A piranha-ha-ha.

In fact, it hurt itself laughing so hard, it had to see a sturgeon.

To survive in a rainforest, it is important to remember.....

To survive in a rainforest, it is important to remember that when you are being chased by a jaguar, jumping in a piranha-infested river is no help.

Jaguars are excellent swimmers.

TIL that a school of piranhas are able to strip all the flesh off of a child in under two minutes.

Sadly, I was also fired from the aquarium.

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An eccentric billionaire throws a lavish party...

Please bear with me as I heard/read this one years ago so I might not recall the details correctly:

An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world. As the party is well under way he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic sized swimming pool where...

My wife gazed at me and bit her lip seductively.

Unfortunately it was her top lip so she just looked like a piranha.

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

So a African king calls all the men from his kingdom

And he says who ever can cross this river will take my daughters hand in marriage. The river had piranhas,crocodiles, and snakes in it. The men looked at each other and the king says do none of you want to marry my daughter?

Does no-one want to be rich and be the next king? All of a sudden t...

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A millionaire wants his daughter to marry...

So he decideds to host a competition for a small town nearby.
"To any man who can swim across this Piranha infested pool of water unharmed, may have my daughter's hand in marriage."
20 men line up next to the pool and stand there to scared to move. Suddenly a man jumps into the water and is sw...

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I treated the wife to one of those fish pedicures and I must say I was very pleased with the result.

Those piranhas don't fuck about.

Three things I want to do before I die:

1)Swim with piranhas

How do you kill a purple elephant?

**With a purple elephant gun.**

How do you kill a blue elephant?

**You tie a knot in it's trunk until it turns purple then shoot it with a purple elephant gun.**

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

**Open the door and put it inside**

How do you put a lion i...

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

A father chose to quiz his son...

Father: There was a plane carrying 500 bricks. One fell off. How many were left?

Son: 499

Father: Correct!

______________________________________________________________________________

Father: How do you fit an elephant in a refrigerator?

Son: Um… Cut it up?
...

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Three kids were arguing about the meanest animal in the jungle

First kid: It's a lion! He'll come over and bite your head off if he catches you checking out his lady lion.

Second kid: Nope, it's a piranha! They will eat an entire cow if it just takes a sip of water from their river.

Third kid: You're both wrong. It's a crocogator.

First Kid...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

A tourist walks near Amazon river on a very hot day.

It's really hot and he wants to swim in the cool water. He asks a local:

-Are there any crocodiles in the river?

The local guy:

-No, there are no crocodiles...

The tourist jumps into the water.

The local:

-...because piranhas ate all of them!

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Once upon a time there was a princess.

This princess could never get her father, the king, to approve of any man she brought home. She brought home a baker, a farmer, a lord, even a few knights, but no matter their social standing, wealth, or intelligence, her father would not approve. Exasperated with trying and failing to find a prince...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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