What's the difference between a Mosquito and a CEO

A mosquito will admit it's a bloodsucker

Last year In Africa, I made friends with a Mosquito. He told me a really good joke

I thought it was Malarious.

What did the neckbeard say to the mosquito?

M'laria

What is the differenxe between a mosquito and a fly?

A mosquito can fly

but a fly can't mosquito

A young mosquito tries flying for the first time

When the mosquito came back, the mother asks,
"how was your first flight dear?"

The young mosquito replied, "great mom! Everyone was clapping for me!"

[OC] My mother has been tracking this mosquito for a while...

When it finally landed, she smacked it and exclaimed, “HA!


GOTCHA YOU MOTHERSUCKER!”

If only mosquito nets were handed out in Africa.

Each year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

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Two elderly women are stopped at a red light outside Lorena Bobett’s apartment when a thump on the windshield startles them. One looks at the other and asks, ”Did you see the dick on that mosquito?!”

An old one I remembered recently.

A mosquito landed on my wife's face while she was asleep

Easiest decision of my life

I've got the attention span of a mosquito.

It sucks.

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A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

If life is just a game, then mosquitos aren’t bugs

They’re features

what’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

The mosquito stop sucking after you slap it.



btw i remembered this joke for a while back, so if you find sauce gimme that too :)

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, “M’laria.”

I got a tenured professorship. My area of expertise is mosquito bites.

It’s one hell of a niche.

When a mosquito lands on your balls,

is the moment when you realize violence is not the answer

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A mosquito had a very tough upbringing

His father was an alcoholic. Many afternoons his father would come drunk and beat his wife and only son, John. John was traumatised by his father’s acts. Every day when he went to school he would cry. Everyday he thought himself that he will be a better mosquito than his father one day.

He c...

I don't understand people who lives near swamp yet complains about the mosquitoes.

They're not bugs, they are the feature.

Why are mosquitos jokes so funny?

They tend to be milarious.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks....

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A man in a motel called for a prostitute.

The pimp replied " $50 for an ugly one, $500 for a pretty one. " The man wanted an ugly one.

She arrived and undressed herself and was told to sit naked on the sofa overnight.

In the morning, she asked "Why did you call me to come here? "

He replied " There are too many mosq...

Is that you, Mr. Mosquito?

In the flesh!

How many mosquitoes did Noah kill on the ark?

Zzzzzzero

What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito

Himalarya

Mosquitoes

What sound does an American mosquito make?
BzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

What sound does a Canadian mosquito make?
EhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHh

At night,im usually surrounded by females that i feel like murdering...

Dammit,why do mosquitoes even exist

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

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A mosquito bit my balls last night

Got my balls sucked,later virgins

Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?

because they dont have mosquiTOES.

Mosquito

A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...

A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..

Guess where it bites?
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
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Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.

.

It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

Why does a mosquito buzz in your ears?

It doesn't. It buzzes everywhere, only you can hear it from your ears.

Last night i opened my window and let all mosquitoes in. Then i slept outside.

This is called confusing the enemy

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

What's something twitch streamers and Mosquitoes have in common?

They both hate being swatted.

How did the scientist invent the mosquito repellent?

He started from scratch

What do you call an Italian and African mosquito cross-breed?

Is a me! Malario!

Mosquitoes are like family...

They might be a pain the ass, but they carry our blood.

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M’laria

TIL Bill Gates once released a swarm of mosquitoes at a TED talk about malaria, saying that it shouldn’t be an experience only for poor people...

I can't wait to go see his new talk about gun violence.

Dad: Son, you aren't allowed to use weapons of any kind unless you're being attacked.

Me:*proceeds to kill mosquito with a rocket launcher*

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls...

that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

Teacher vs redditor

*Teacher:* ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
*Redditor:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Redditor:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''



*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.

*TEACHER* : Class, what is photos...

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If I put 10 people and 1 mosquito in a room...

... the fuckin mosquito will still get out of the room to find me instead.

Frodo and Sam were sitting outside, observing an insect.

Neither of them were quite sure what kind of insect it was. "Is it a mosquito?", said Frodo, to which Sam replied "No Mister Frodo, I think it's some kind of bee?". They then saw Gandalf walking by, and they asked him whether he possibly knew what kind of insect it was. He looked at the insect for o...

What do you get when you perform a bad vocal solo to a crowd of mosquitoes?

Malaria.

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

I just came up with this, and yes I am high

Americans hate Mosquitoes, but Arabs hate Synagoguitoes

I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt...

Damn mosquito!!!

My mother used to tell me this joke time and again when I was a child.

A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him.

\-"How was your first flight, my dear?" The mother asked.

\-"Amazing." He answered "Everyone thought I was doing great!"

\-"Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

\-"Well,...

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Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

The secret fishing bait

An angler walks into a tackle shop and heads to the counter. “Give me the best bait you’ve got,” he says. “My buddy told me there’s a fishing spot down by the creek here, and he always get lots of bites when using your bait.”

The clerk pulls out a small jar of bait which fills the shop with ...

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.





A joke told my my grandfather about when he was stationed in the woods in the army.

Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

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I got bitten by a mosquito last night

I bet that little bastard is really hungover now!

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

insecticide kills mosquitoes

Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitoes?"

Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"

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