*tips fedora at mosquito*


What’s the difference between a mosquito and a Hooker?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!

Mosquito: M’Lord, M’Lady

Lord & Lady: M’Laria

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?

Nothing -
you can't cross a vector with a scalar.

What did the mosquito who plays Nintendo say when he bit you?

It's a me, Malario!

What do you call a funny mosquito?



A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...

A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..

Guess where it bites?


Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......


It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

Why does a mosquito buzz in your ears?

It doesn't. It buzzes everywhere, only you can hear it from your ears.

I was about to slap a mosquito that’s still in the middle of sipping my blood...

But then I realised that we have exactly the same blood in our bodies. We are family now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've been getting my dick sucked A LOT this Summer...

I should really put some pants on and do something about all these fuckin' mosquitoes.

How did the scientist invent the mosquito repellent?

He started from scratch

What do you call an Italian and African mosquito cross-breed?

Is a me! Malario!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s small, long and will put something in a girl’s body she doesn’t want?

A mosquito carrying ebola.

That’s what my ex-girlfriend called my dick, anyway.

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.

A joke told my my grandfather about when he was stationed in the woods in the army.

If only we could get more mosquito nets to Africa, we could save millions

of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito bytes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If I put 10 people and 1 mosquito in a room...

... the fuckin mosquito will still get out of the room to find me instead.

A mosquito asks her son

"How was your first flight?"
The son answers: "I think it was good, everybody clapped for me"

A Mosquito landed on my wife's face...

Easiest decision of my life..

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls...

that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Mosquitos are like family...

Annoying but they carry your blood.

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?


A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got bitten by a mosquito last night

I bet that little bastard is really hungover now!

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

There's nothing scarier then a mosquito

coming out of Magic Johnson's house

I caught a mosquito in my hand..

It sucked.

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?