A mosquito landed on my wife's face while she was asleep

Easiest decision of my life

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, “M’laria.”

A young mosquito tries flying for the first time

When the mosquito came back, the mother asks,
"how was your first flight dear?"

The young mosquito replied, "great mom! Everyone was clapping for me!"

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing. You can't cross a scalar and a vector.

I don't understand people who lives near swamp yet complains about the mosquitoes.

They're not bugs, they are the feature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito had a very tough upbringing

His father was an alcoholic. Many afternoons his father would come drunk and beat his wife and only son, John. John was traumatised by his father’s acts. Every day when he went to school he would cry. Everyday he thought himself that he will be a better mosquito than his father one day.

He c...

When a mosquito lands on your balls,

is the moment when you realize violence is not the answer

*tips fedora at mosquito*

M'laria

What's the difference between a mosquito and your girlfriend?

Your girlfriend will keep sucking even after you slap it.

I got a tenured professorship. My area of expertise is mosquito bites.

It’s one hell of a niche.

Is that you, Mr. Mosquito?

In the flesh!

Why are mosquitos jokes so funny?

They tend to be milarious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

How many mosquitoes did Noah kill on the ark?

Zzzzzzero

What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito

Himalarya

What did the mosquito who plays Nintendo say when he bit you?

It's a me, Malario!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you want to figure out how to solve problems without violence,

wait until a mosquito lands on your testicle.

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

What did the mosquito say to the corpse

Another one bites the dust..

Mosquito

A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...

A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..

Guess where it bites?
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.

.

It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?

because they dont have mosquiTOES.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito bit my balls last night

Got my balls sucked,later virgins

Teacher vs redditor

*Teacher:* ''Construct a sentence using the word "sugar''
*Redditor:* ''I drank tea this morning.''
*Teacher:* ''Where is the word sugar.''
*Redditor:* ''It is already in the tea..!!''



*TEACHER*: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.

*TEACHER* : Class, what is photos...

Frodo and Sam were sitting outside, observing an insect.

Neither of them were quite sure what kind of insect it was. "Is it a mosquito?", said Frodo, to which Sam replied "No Mister Frodo, I think it's some kind of bee?". They then saw Gandalf walking by, and they asked him whether he possibly knew what kind of insect it was. He looked at the insect for o...

I was about to slap a mosquito that’s still in the middle of sipping my blood...

But then I realised that we have exactly the same blood in our bodies. We are family now.

Last night i opened my window and let all mosquitoes in. Then i slept outside.

This is called confusing the enemy

What's something twitch streamers and Mosquitoes have in common?

They both hate being swatted.

What do you call an Italian and African mosquito cross-breed?

Is a me! Malario!

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M’laria

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

Mosquitoes are like family...

They might be a pain the ass, but they carry our blood.

TIL Bill Gates once released a swarm of mosquitoes at a TED talk about malaria, saying that it shouldn’t be an experience only for poor people...

I can't wait to go see his new talk about gun violence.

I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt...

Damn mosquito!!!

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

The secret fishing bait

An angler walks into a tackle shop and heads to the counter. “Give me the best bait you’ve got,” he says. “My buddy told me there’s a fishing spot down by the creek here, and he always get lots of bites when using your bait.”

The clerk pulls out a small jar of bait which fills the shop with ...

I just came up with this, and yes I am high

Americans hate Mosquitoes, but Arabs hate Synagoguitoes

A mosquito asks her son

"How was your first flight?"
The son answers: "I think it was good, everybody clapped for me"

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls...

that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I put 10 people and 1 mosquito in a room...

... the fuckin mosquito will still get out of the room to find me instead.

My mother used to tell me this joke time and again when I was a child.

A mosquito got old enough to fly on his own, when he came back his mother was happily waiting for him.

\-"How was your first flight, my dear?" The mother asked.

\-"Amazing." He answered "Everyone thought I was doing great!"

\-"Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

\-"Well,...

What do you get when you perform a bad vocal solo to a crowd of mosquitoes?

Malaria.

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.





A joke told my my grandfather about when he was stationed in the woods in the army.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

Every night, 10 different females touch me in my bed

I hate them mosquitos

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got bitten by a mosquito last night

I bet that little bastard is really hungover now!

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

I have opinions about many insects,

But I can say for a fact that mosquitos suck.

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

5 word joke

Mosquitoes, man...



What a buzzkill.

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

If only Africa had more mosquito nets...

then every year we could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of aids.

Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

Who you gonna call when attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes?

The Swat Team

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.