What do you call a funny mosquito?

Malarious

If only Africa had more mosquito nets

Then we could save millions of...... mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

I was about to slap a mosquito that’s still in the middle of sipping my blood...

But then I realised that we have exactly the same blood in our bodies. We are family now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've been getting my dick sucked A LOT this Summer...

I should really put some pants on and do something about all these fuckin' mosquitoes.

*Tips fedora at mosquito*

M’laria

What’s the difference between a Blonde and a Mosquito?

A Mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M’laria

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

What do you call an Italian and African mosquito cross-breed?

Is a me! Malario!

How do you know if the mosquitos are really big?

When their sucking feels good.





A joke told my my grandfather about when he was stationed in the woods in the army.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s small, long and will put something in a girl’s body she doesn’t want?

A mosquito carrying ebola.

That’s what my ex-girlfriend called my dick, anyway.

What does a mosquito plumber say?

Itsa me, Malario!

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito bytes

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If I put 10 people and 1 mosquito in a room...

... the fuckin mosquito will still get out of the room to find me instead.

A mosquito asks her son

"How was your first flight?"
The son answers: "I think it was good, everybody clapped for me"

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber?

You can't. A mosquito is a vector, but a rock climber is a scalar.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

A Mosquito landed on my wife's face...

Easiest decision of my life..

A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly sucks. What website is this?

BuzzFeed

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls...

that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

Beggars are like mosquitos...

You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.

Mosquitos are like family...

Annoying but they carry your blood.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?

He saw her sucking someone else.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got bitten by a mosquito last night

I bet that little bastard is really hungover now!

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?

zika blyat

I caught a mosquito in my hand..

It sucked.

There's nothing scarier then a mosquito

coming out of Magic Johnson's house

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?

M'laria.

Baby mosquito with his father

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"