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Mosquito Jokes

During the summer a local police station developed a mosquito problem

They deployed the swat team.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Mosquito bit me 8 times.

Mosquito byte.

A couple were watching a movie in a dark theater when a mosquito went inside the girl's pants. Can you guess where did the mosquito bite?

On the boyfriend's hand, you dirty minded perverts. Smh.

What would Mario say if he was a mosquito?

It's-a me, Malario!

What does a mosquito and a biker have in common?

They're both really annoying but don't live long.

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying

His mom asked him "How do you feel?

He replied: It was wonderful,Everyone was clapping for me!

*Tips fedora at mosquito*

M'laria

A mosquito was flying around an Oscars party.



First it bothered Emma Watson, then it landed on Natalie Portman. It then flew over to pester Jessica Alba and finally Gal Gadot before it was caught by security. During its interrogation, it confessed "I can't help it. I'm a sucker for a pretty face."

When a mosquito bites me and gets away I feel like a bank that just got robbed

extra points if someone can figure out how to work "blood bank" into this joke. nobody robs blood banks so...

I find myself buying the same mosquito repellent my boyfriend gives me

I guess you could say he's rubbing Off on me

Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion

yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel

What is the difference between a mosquito and a kinky girl?

Well the mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

A mosquito is like a kid...

When he stops making noise, he is on to something!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sexual Mosquito

A nymphomaniac woman was a regular at a sex shop, but after using their products for years she ended getting bored of the usual stuff. She asked the male cashier if there was something else out of the ordinary to try.
He suggest the Sexual Mosquito. That got her attention, so she asked on how t...

Mosquito came buzzing up and landed on me, said, "I just need a place to rest and maybe a bite to eat."

I said, "I feel you."

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A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

Where did the mosquito bite?

A couple was watching a movie in a dark theatre. A mosquito entered the girl's skirt. Where did it bite??



>!On the guy's hand!!!<

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls...

that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

A young mosquito returned to its mother.

How was your flight dear? asked mom.

It was great mom, everyone clapped for me!

Why did the mosquito spend a lot of time playing cards?

Because he had a great poker face.

My 4 year old came up with this one: How do you turn a fly into a mosquito?

With Magic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito bit my balls last night

Got my balls sucked,later virgins

I got bitten by a mosquito and now I can't stop singing "Nessun Dorma"

I think I might have male-aria.

A baby mosquito is coming home from his first flying lesson

Son, you did good?
Terrific! Everyone clapped

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When the mosquito flew head first into a brick wall, what was the last thing that went through his mind?

His ass.

People with mosquito-borne encephalitis be like

Yeah, this is big brain time

There are thousands of different mosquito species

And they all suck.

What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek?

A golden opportunity

A mosquito landed on my wife's face while she was asleep

Easiest decision of my life

A couple went to see a film at a theatre. A mosquito enters the girl's skirt. ```Guess where it bites?``` No dirty mind it's not what you think

It bites the boy's hand.

A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"

She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

I've got the attention span of a mosquito.

It sucks.

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A mosquito had a very tough upbringing

His father was an alcoholic. Many afternoons his father would come drunk and beat his wife and only son, John. John was traumatised by his father’s acts. Every day when he went to school he would cry. Everyday he thought himself that he will be a better mosquito than his father one day.

He c...

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.

I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch"

How do Italian mosquitoes introduce themselves?

It's a me, Malario!

[OC] My mother has been tracking this mosquito for a while...

When it finally landed, she smacked it and exclaimed, “HA!


GOTCHA YOU MOTHERSUCKER!”

What do you call a mosquito that is found funny?

Malarious

I love being a mosquito...

People always clap when I'm around!

Those DANG mosquitoes!!!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (...

Mommy mosquito to baby mosquito after his first flight "How did it go son?"

Baby mosquito "it was great mom, everyone was clapping!"

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

Mosquitos are like family...

Annoying but they carry your blood.

There's nothing scarier then a mosquito

coming out of Magic Johnson's house

To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant.

But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.

Did you hear that joke about mosquitoes?

it's malarious.

I got a tenured professorship. My area of expertise is mosquito bites.

It’s one hell of a niche.

Why does everyone hate mosquitoes?

I'm happy something out there is attracted to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The mosquito that brings disease...

A village elder is brought a mosquito caught from a swarm. The townsfolks fear it may bring disease. So the elder says - "I will take this mosquito, and I will determine the aspects of the disease that it may bring." The elder rips up the mosquito into pieces. He places each one into a tiny square d...

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?

M’laria

I think my cholesterol might be too high,

A mosquito bit me, grabbed it's little chest and keeled over.

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Jack is a talented drawer

Everything he draws looks real.

One day he draws a giant mosquito on the wall in his high school. After awhile, his teacher spots the mosquito and slaps it as hard as she can. Unfortunately she broke her arm. She finds out that this was jack’s drawing and takes him to the principals office. <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's Opinion of Mosquitoes...

Little Johnny is standing on a street corner swatting mosquitoes.
Every time he sees a mosquito he utters, "fucking mosquitoes, fucking mosquitoes."
Just as the boy says it, a shocked priest walks up and says, "You should not curse the mosquitoes because every one of God's creations has a purp...

Baby mosquito with his father

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home.

When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?"
The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a mosquito and a horny female?



A Mosquito stops sucking after being slapped.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets...

then every year we could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of aids.

If life is just a game, then mosquitos aren’t bugs

They’re features

How many mosquitoes did Noah kill on the ark?

Zzzzzzero

I just sprayed a mosquito...

with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends.

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