What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?

a pirate ship


i know it sucks but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it

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A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious.
"How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartende...

Why don’t pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

A pirate walks into his favorite bar with a roll of paper towels on his head

The bartender says " What's with the paper towels Skipper? "

The pirate says " Arr, there be a bounty on me head "

I, for one, think it’d be hilarious if there were female pirates.

Wooden-tit?

What do you call a pirate's wife?

Land Ho!

I'll show myself out.

How do pirates express their creativity?

Arrrrrrrrrt.

What's a pirates favourite type of egg?

CaviARRR

What did the pirate say on his birthday?

“Yarr, me parties!”

(I told this to my 8-month old and she burst into tears, so I know it’s good!)

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A pirate walks into his local tavern after being away at sea.

The owner greets him and says “Good to see you, friend. Hey, you didn’t have a peg leg last time you were in here. What happened?”

The pirate replied, “I fell off the deck during an awful storm. A shark bit off my leg while I was in the water, so now I have this peg leg.”

The owner sa...

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Pirate with two wooden legs hobbles into an inn.

He sits at the bar downing ale after ale for an hour, eventually nature takes it's course and he asks the bar wench where the toilet is. She points the way but urges him to have some help as it is dark and slippery in there. The pirate obnoxiously berates her saying he can handle a ship at sea, he c...

What do you name an American, Communist Pirate Ship?

The U.S.S. ARRRGH

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What did the pirate say when they were getting their ass eaten too aggressively?

Yarrgh, slow down you're swallowing me hole!

A Native American, Pirate, and Frenchman walk into a bar.

The bartender walks over and says, "Gentlemen, hau, arrrrrrr, oui, today?"

You know the best thing about pirates orgies?

You can come as you are, and you can arrr as you cum.

I once got into a fist fight with a pirate...

He had mean right hook.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his member.

He tells the bartender to give him a shot of his strongest rum in a dirty glass. The pirate drinks it and breaks the glass against the wall.

The bartender knows to keep his distance from the angry pirate, until he calls him over and demands another shot of rum in a dirty glass. The pirate thr...

How does a pirate start his prayers?

Arrrr Father..

What's a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?

Dabloons

Two rival pirate captains agreed to blind each other as a sign of peace between their parties

It was an “Aye” for an “Aye”

I think Apple is run by trendy pirates.

They're always updating to a new iPatch.

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A Pirate Walks Into A Bar

A pirate walks into a bar with a massive steering wheel on his dick.

Confused the barkeep asks him,” You know you have a steering wheel on your dick, right?”

“Aye, it’s a drivin’ me nuts”.

A pirate walks into a bar

With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.

Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"

Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"

I made an attempt!

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The anthropology student and the pirate.

An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.

The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?

The pirate replied:

I lost the leg to a canon call

I lost the han...

Why do pirates love reddit?

Aye, tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold!

A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.

On his crotch, he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.

The old pirate settles into the bar.

The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your crotch?"

The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

What do you call a pirate droid?

Arrrrr-2D2

What’s a pirate’s favourite sound?

A.S.M.ARRR

What causes a pirate to have a heart attack?

Something clogged their arrrrrrteries

What method is used to give birth to baby pirate?

Sea-section.... Arrrrrgh

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A brave and fearsome pirate captain approached an uncharted island, searching for treasure.

His crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. They came upon a large forest and began searching desperately for the last clue on the map.

As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he gasped and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead. The capta...

Were you attacked by pirates?

You seem to have lost your booty and chest.

What is a pirates favourite letter?

The ones they get in bottles!

What's the best part of a pirate song?

The hook.

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr

How much did it cost the pirate to get pierced?

A buck an ear

What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

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What's the difference between a casual dress party and a pirate having sex?

One, you come as you are..

The other, you ARRRR as you cum.

Did you hear about the singing pirate that had a cataract?

After the surgery, he shall see, shan't he?

What does a pirate do before working out at the gym?

Changes in Davy Jones's locker room.

Why can't a pirate play poker?

He sat on the deck

Why do Pirates always win boxing matches?

They have a killer hook.

What do you call a pirate/noble gas that lost the pirate accent

Arrr-gone

What is the difference between a happy pirate and a sad pirate?

It's 'A Parrot'

Police: We're looking for pirates

Me (a Southerner): Y'ar?

How does one make a pirate very angry?

By taking away his "p".

Once upon a time, there was a pirate who never lost a battle...

He was so courageous. His strategy was simple, lead by example, as long as he was at the front of the battle his crew were motivated.

But he had a trick up his sleeve. A new crew member joins this pirate to study him as he is so fascinated by his victories.

First battle comes along, hi...

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A complete guide on how to pirate:

1) You steal a ship

2) Get a crew

3)Go steal shit from other ships

I saw a pirate selling corn.

Buccaneer.

Why can't the pirate be subordinate to the captain?

Because he's missing the second aye.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

A: “Arrrrrr”

Me: You’d think so, but it’s the “C” they love.

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid...

If they had used a "G", nobody would ever have found their treasure.

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NSFW When it comes to anal sex, my wife is like a pirate

She doesn't like to give up the booty.

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A pirate walks into a bar...

And takes a seat beside three medical students.

The students notice that the pirate has a hook in place of right hand, a wooden peg in place of his left leg and an eye patch over his right eye.

Curious they edge closer to the pirate, order some rum for him and ask him a few questions...

There once was a pirate named Bates

Who was learning to rhumba on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

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The sailor and the pirate

One day, a sailor met a pirate. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. The sailor asked the pirate, “How did you get your peg leg?” The pirate replied, “Aargh, a whale bit me leg off.” Next, the sailor asked, “How did you get your hook?” The pirate replied, “Me crew was in a battle with ...

Invented by me - What is a pirates favorite beer?

PBAaaaarrrrr....

What course do pirates take in colleges?

Arrght..



-(Courtesy of my 8 yo who told this to me tonight)

Why did the pirate go to the bathroom?

Because he had to yarrinate

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A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew.

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew. He goes to the Captain's quarters and meets the Pirate Captain. He's a grizzled man with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch.

Swabbie: Ahoy Captain, it's looks like you've had quite the history.

Cpt: Aye, I've been sailing these seven seas sinc...

Where do pirates get their hooks?

The second hand store.

When does a pirate finish pirate school?

At the end of the yar

Imagine a pirate with a prosthetic breast.

That’d be funny, wooden tit

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Did you know pirates.... (NSFW)

Did you know pirates were known for their big dicks?

Yeah, those guys were hung

What's a pirate's favorite way to say relax?

"Take some arr and arr!"



Thought of it shamelessly while building a pirate ship in Minecraft

People who pirate music...

...will get a lot of FLAC for it.

Why is a broken cash register like a pirate?

There was no quarter given.

My ex wife is a pirates worst nightmare !

A sunken chest with no booty .........

What did the subatomic quantum pirate say to the theoretical physicist?

Walk the Planck

I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.

Where do stoner pirates eat their cake?

On the high seas!

What is Blackbeard the Pirate's favorite Ben Affleck movie?

Argh-o

Why couldn’t Hellen Keller see Pirates of the Caribbean in theatres?

Because she’s dead

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We’re writing to you because you’ve violated copyright ...

What does a cake pirate do with his treasure?

He berries it on a dessert island.

Pirate Leader: Can someone tell me how to write 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

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[Long] I met a pirate...

At least, I think he was a pirate. I never asked, but he had an eye patch over one eye, a wooden leg, a hook where his hand should be, and a parrot on his shoulder. So I was pretty sure he was a pirate. Also, we were on the boardwalk by the beach, so I figured that's as likely a place as any for a p...

Why did pirates eat oranges?

For the vitamin SEA

Why do pirates like to play the lottery so much?

They really love ArrrrNG!

What do you call a pirate who designs houses?

An arrrgchetect

How can you tell when the pirate captain walks in the bar?

He has that big ship energy

How big of a "ye matey" should a pirate have

A vast ye matey

Where do pirate birds go when they dock?

A Crow- barrrr

Where does the pirate keep his buccaneers?

Under his buccan-hat

What do you say to a pirate with two eyes?

Aye aye captain.

What do you say if they only have one?

Aye captain.

Read this in a pirate voice

Did ye hear what happened to Captain Bluebeard when he fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got Marooned!

Why don’t pirates do very well in school?

They’re only used to high C’s

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

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What does a Japanese pirate say?

Nothing, he's too busy frying the prane.

Where do pirates go to play games?

The Arrrrrrr-cade!

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A cruise ship was attacked by a group of pirates. All the men were captured, including the captain. One day he complained to the pirates.

Captain: I haven't had sex for weeks. I need a woman please.

Pirates: You can try the barrel with a small hole drilled through it downstairs. It feels just like having sex with a woman.

Captain: Seriously?

The captain, feeling skeptical, went downstairs anyway for the barrel. Af...

The Captain's Drink

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer sta...

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I bought a fleshlight online but it was stolen by a Porch Pirate

I'd say he can go fuck himself but that's literally what he's about to do with it.

Down at the farmers market and a man dress as a pirate was selling corn for 1$

It was a buccaneer

A pirate's life

Why is it a bad idea to date a pirate? Because they're only after your booty.

Why does everyone think pirates are filthy?

With all the sinks they get, they must have the cleanest hands

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What did the pirate say to the bulimic prostitute?

Heave Hoe!

Why can’t pirates take aspirin for their headaches?

Parrots-eat-em-all

A pirates life

A pirate is alerted by his first mate that a ship is approaching. The pirate gets all hands on deck, and has the first mate fetch his red shirt. The battle goes on without an issue.

Days later, the first mate alerts the pirate of 2 ships approaching. Again the pirate gets all hands on deck, a...

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...

How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?

They cove-hid.

Pirates get some crazy deals in the mall.

For example, they can get piercings for just a buccaneer.

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

When do Pirates acquire their crew?

During mating season

What’s a pirates favorite movie?

I dunno, whatever they can download for free.

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it would be 'r' but it be the 'c'

What does a pirate say when he gets close to shore and sees a kardashian?

Land Ho!

Met a pirate with a wooden leg called Jack.

Don't know what he named his other leg.

Why do pirates get angry after going to the bathroom?

Without their P they're irate

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What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

A Pirate captain and his first mate make landfall on the island of Madagascar

On land they see a variety of creatures but most interesting a lemur around a wreck on the beach.

Upon closer examination by the captain to his astonishment, the lemur is spying on the pirates with a telescope

The captain says to his first mate “Do you see what that lemur is looking a...

What did the pirate say when his child caught the ship on fire?

Arrrrrrgh Son!

What grades do pirates get?

Usually high C's.

What do pirates say when they need to take a dump?

Unleash the krappen

What is a pirates favorite YouTube genre?

ASM ARRR!!

Q: What's a space pirate's favorite planet?

A: mArrrs!

What did the pirate say to the captain when the captain said “Aarrgghh where be my buccaneers?”?

“They’re on your buccanhead cap’n!”

Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

What do you call a pirate with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 eyes?

A beginner

A little boy is dressed as a pirate captain for Halloween.

He knocks on the door of a house and a lady answers.

She says "Well, well little boy, what are you supposed to be?"

He says "I am a pirate captain".

She says "Well--where are your buccaneers?"

He says "Right here under my bucken hat."

Why do pirates wear an eye patch?

They can't see anything with two of them.

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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Where do pirates get their camping gear?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRR E AYYYYYYYYYYE

Why were kids banned from watching a pirate film

Because it was rated rrrrrrrrr

A kid with a speech impediment is trick or treating on Halloween...

At his last door a nice elderly lady opens it and he says the traditional " Bick or beat!" She replied "Oh what do we have hear what are you dressed as little boy?" He proudly replied "I'm a Birate!"
"Oh you're a Pirate!" She responds "Well where are your Buckaneers?" He scowls at the lady and ...

I attended an online class to learn how to be a pirate.....

Actually it was sort of a webinAHRRRR

What’s a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating by himself dressed as a pirate...

One of the many houses he visits, was an elderly lady in town. He rings the door bell and the lady opens the door.

Johnny: Trick or treat!

Lady: Ohhhh your a cute little pirate! But, where’s your buccaneers?

Johnny: *Sighs and points to his ears* They’re right here! Where’s you...

How does a pirate measure distance?

With Yaaards!

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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