UPJOKE
eggroostercaponpoultrymeatfowlhenbirdchickenpoxgallus galluswimpvolaillechickcowardlygoose

I started a Tinder app for chickens.

It’s not full time or anything. I just do it to make hens meet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

That's 8 months of training down the drain

I hate jokes about chickens.

They're all fowl.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was Bach, Bach, Bach…

What's a chickens favourite games console?

Eggs-box

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i tried my hand at breeding chickens

Turns out they only like cocks

What do chickens celebrate in December?

Eggs-mas

What do chickens call their previous partner?

Their eggs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver and his pet parrot are hauling a load of chickens

When all of a sudden he stops to pick up an attractive hitchhiker. He swings the door open and asks, "You want a lift?" She tells him "yes! Omg thank you!" As she starts to climb on in. When the parrot exclaims, "wanna fuck?" Which she stutters, "N-nnno." The parrot screeches, "No fuck! No ride!...

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn foo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day an old man is sitting in his porch when a young boy walks by holding some chicken wire

He tells out “What’re you gonna do with that?” The boy replies “Ima catch me some chicken” The man thinks to himself “That can’t be right”. Well about 2 hours later though, the boy comes back with a bunch of chickens tangled in the wire. The next day the man is on his porch and he sees the boy with ...

Tim the Chicken

Tim was a nervous chicken.

He rarely went out in public and spent the majority of his life trying to blend in to the background.

And this devotion to anonymity followed Tim through his entire childhood and adolescence.

As Tim approached his eighteenth birthday, his one friend,...

I used to run a dating agency for chickens...

But I struggled to make "hens" meet...

What do you call people who take care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

Why did the group of chickens walk across the street right into a pack of wolves?

They were told it was just a training mission.

Due to the current economic situation in the world, I’ve started a dating site for chickens.

It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it...
...to make hens meet.

Did you hear about the hate-group whose members are mainly doves and chickens?

It's called the Coo Clucks Clan.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

Why do chickens make good dollar store employees?

Whenever you ask them the price they say "Buck buck buck buuuuuuck,"

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let’s take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we’re in t...

A farmer stopped

by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of...

When I went out for supper, I asked the waiter if he knew how they prepared their chickens....

and he said "Nothing special, we just tell them they're going to die."

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

How do you get milk and eggs if all you have is chickens?

You get the eggs from the first chicken. Then you get the milk from the udder chicken.

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, “*Bach, Bach, Bach.”*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young inexperienced man goes to work on a farm…

…first day the farmer is showing him around the farm and explains his duties and a special job to do today.
“Go out to the chicken coop and get me a male and a female “ says the farmer. The boy goes and brings back two chickens. “I got a chicken and the rooster” says the boy.
The farmer corr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

A chicken walks into a bar...

The bartender yells, "Hey. We don't serve chickens in here. But I hear the bar across from us does."

Chicken

BORROWED

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields....

What did the duck tell the other duck in the war between chickens and ducks

“ENEMY FIRING EGGS! DUCK!”

What kind of vegetable is a chickens favorite?

Bok Bok Choy

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

How do unborn chickens feel when you rub them on the carpet?

Egg-static!

What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?

Rebokbokboks

What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender!

Came up with this while putting chicken tenders out at my old job. lol

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

If you cut off a chickens head it can still run around for a little bit

If you cut off its legs it cannot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do so many people use baby chickens as Therapists?

Because everything they say is cheap

You Know It's Hot When ...

Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ...

Why don't chickens wear pants?

Because their pecker is on their head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chickens crossing roads....

\#1)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

\-- To get to the asshole's house.



\#2)

Knock, knock

\----Who's there?

It's the chicken.

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

A truck driver was speeding down a country road and ran over a rooster. Being an honest man, he walked to the farm house and knocked on the door. An old man answered the door. “Sir, he said, I would like to replace your rooster”.

“Suite yourself” he said. “The chickens are out back”

Food inspection

A food inspection officer went to 3 chicken farms

Farm 1
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 1: I feed them vegetables.
Inspector: WRONG! closed down this farm immediately

Farm 2
Inspector: What do you feed the chickens ?
Farmer 2: a little scared said i fe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Letter from a Polish mother to her son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home . . we've moved.

About your father . . . he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutti...

What skin conditions do chickens get?

Eggsma.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.