Pigs Jokes - 56 Hilarious Pigs Jokes

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A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

What is the difference between Politicians and Flying Pigs ?

The letter f

A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ...

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A different view of Three Little Pigs

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me s...

Pigs

(Kinda sad, really dark.)

Grandma pig is growing old. She doesn’t want to worry her grandchildren, so she makes something up for the parents.

The kids watch as Grandma is taken away.

“Where is grandma going?” asks a pig.

“Grandma is sick. They’re gonna help her. You won’t...

What will happen if pigs can fly?

The price of pork would go up

What do pigs use when they get hurt?

Oink-ment

(My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".

Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

When pigs fly, where do they take off and land?

The airpork.

What do pigs like to listen to?

HAM radio

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Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny..

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mothe...

There was once a pig caretaker.

One man approached the caretaker and asked:

"What do you feed your pigs with?"

"I feed them food remains and trash."

"That's terrible. Your pigs could get sick."

So the caretaker decided to start giving them same food humans eat. The another man came up to him and asked s...

Why Are Pigs So Bad at Cookin?

...because they're better at bacon!

What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common?

The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes

Kim Jong Un visits a pig farm somewhere in rural North Korea. A photograph of him with some pigs is taken.

The caption reads: Several pigs surrounding Dear Leader (3rd from left)

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Three Jewish pigs walk into a diner

And they get seated at a booth. They're each peering through their menus when the waiter comes up to the table and says, "what'll it be fellas?"

The first pig says, "I'll have the blueberry pancakes. Extra butter".

The second pig says, "I'll have the fish and chips. Hold the tartar s...

where do pigs invest their money?

the slop market

A Farmer and his Son went to the local Cattle Market to buy some Pigs.

The Farmer goes up to the first Pig he comes across and put its curly tail in his mouth.

After tasting for a while the Farmer says:"This Pig is 4 years of Age ill buy this one.

The Owner overhears this and asked the Farmer:"Did i heard you right?? You guessed its Age by tasting its cur...

What do you have when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

A hundred sows ‘n bucks.

A farmer takes his pigs to the breeder

A farmer one day decides he’d like to multiply his pigs but only has two sows, so he takes them to a farm a ways away with some impressive hogs to breed them with.

He gets there on the first day and after the deed is done he asks the other farmer “Say, how will I know it worked” to which the...

What do you call a town full of pigs?

A hamlet

Why are pigs the worst drivers?

Because they always hog the road.

Joke from my 5yr old.

If x=y and y=z, then x=z.

Applying the same logic.

If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.

Then all women are pigs.

3 little pigs

A wolf goes to the house of the first pig, which was made of straw. "Come out you pig, or I will huff and puff and blow your straw house down".

The pig stays put and the wolf starts huffing and puffing. Frightened now, the pig sneaks out the back door just as his straw house starts to blow ...

What's a pigs favorite type of bread?

*Wheat wheat wheat wheat wheat . . .*

My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke…

He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out

A lot of people talk about when pigs fly

but swine flu.

Farmer Browns pigs

Farmer Brown has a bunch of pigs that are all female. He decides to breed them to increase the size of his herd. So he calls his friend farmer Jones and asks if he can bring his sows over to mate with farmer Jones' boars. Farmer Jones agrees, so next morning, farmer Brown loads all his pigs into ...

What’s the difference between flying pigs and honest politicians?

There actually was a time when Swine Flu.

A pig was destitute. He yearned for his question to be answered.

“Manners maketh man!” He wailed. “You can’t rightly call me a man so what makes a pig?” A gentleman heard him.

“Hello old chap.” The man stood, drawing his pork pie hat from his head. “I believe I have an answer for you.” The pig was rapt.

“Please tell!” The man withdrew his pipe from...

How do pigs communicate?

By using swine language.

Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets

Or as you probably call them - relatives sleeping in the spare room.

The farmer and the pigs

A farmer, struggeling through deression, is sitting in a bar talking to his neighbour: "I have no Idea to survive,I own 25 sows but no boar. And I can't afford to buy one or arrange a fertilization. If I'd be able to breed piglets, i could sell them and make money.." The neigbour sais: " No Problem,...

Pig medication

What do pigs apply for dry skin? Oinkment.

Someone told me you can clean pigs with vodka

sounds like Absolut hogwash if you ask me

What do you call someone who steals pigs?

A Ham-burgler

How do pigs get to the hospital?

A hambulance.

Where do pigs live in Germany?

Ham-burg

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prize winning pig [long]

The Johnson brothers have had longstanding rivalry with fellow farmers the Taft brothers for a decade. The Taft brothers constantly show them up, and Billy (the oldest) decides he's finally had enough, and this year they are going to win the prize for biggest pig at the county fair. He comes up with...

A Muslim, a Hindu and a lawyer are travelling through the desert…

They’ve tried to make good time in their travels, but find that night will fall before they can make it to the next town. Luckily they find a farm nearby, and they ask the farmer if they can stay for the night. When he agrees, not wanting to impose too much, they set their sleeping rolls in his barn...

What karate move are pigs known for?

Pork chop

Two pigs are sitting in the sun

One says: “I’m getting pretty hot!”
The other says: “Yeah I’m bacon!”

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A Jew, a Muslim, and a Jehovah's Witness were driving through the countryside when their car broke down.

The only house in the vicinity was an old farmhouse, so they decided to stay there for the night.

"I'm so sorry," said the farmer. "The bed in the guest room only has room for two people." So he volunteered the Jew to sleep in the barn.

Five minutes later, the farmer heard a knock on t...

Special Pig

A farmer walks into a bar with a pig with a wooden leg. Bartender says "We don't allow pigs in here". Farmer says "This is no ordinary pig this is a special pig". Bartender asks, "What's so special about it?" Farmer replies, "I was out fishing in my pond, fell out of my boat, I can't swim. Pig broke...

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door...

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy

“No, they went in to town.” The boy replied

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked

“No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said

The farmer stood there for a minut...

Do you know how many wrinkles are on a pigs ass?

Smile and I’ll count them.

The Three-Legged Pig

So, there's a traveling salesman who has been on the road for too long. He decides that, to fix his boredom, the next thing he sees he's going to stop and ask somebody about it.

Well wouldn't you know it, he sees a pig with three legs at the edge of a farm.

"Ok," he says to himself. "...

French pigs be like "Oinque"..

American pigs be like "STOP RESISTING"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A simple farmer wanted his pigs to have younglings

He tried to get the pigs to mate, but the females wouldnt.

He asked his neighbour for advice. The neighbour said that if he has sex with the pigs they would soon agree to mate with the male pigs.

He didnt like the idea but he needed the younglings. So he starts the next day. He takes t...

Why do you never see a pig in a tree?

Because pigs can't climb trees

After reading more about which genus pigs are in

I now find them all kinda sus.

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"

Alas, swine flu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, ...

Pigs

I was driving down a country lane when I hit a pig, I wasn’t dead yet so I called my Dad for advice, he said put it out of its misery, so I went over and hit it with a tyre iron.
I said to my Dad, okay that’s better but his motorbike is still stuck under my car

2,003 pigs

It’s a small town and not much happens most days, so the town newspaper prints pretty much every little story. But the editor just can’t believe it one day when the new farmer down the road says that his truck ran into a ditch and killed 2,003 pigs. He sends his reporter out to the farm to check it...

They always say "when pigs fly"...

but cops have had helicopters for years!

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