This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

I heard there was an outbreak of SARS at the military base...

But there they call it "sars, yes sars."

Two cows are grazing together.

The first looks over to the second and asks, “Did you hear about the recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease?”


The second continues his grazing, unconcerned. “Why should I care? I’m a helicopter!”

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

Since the Covid outbreak began, I own the quietest bar in the USA...

Bar none.

What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak ?

They stay in Quran-tine

With the new coronavirus outbreak Worldwide, the only people who can get closer than 6 feet to us are the police

So we have to tell them "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

Would you trade a Politician's life to end the Covid-19 outbreak?

If the answer is 'Yes', please provide answer the following questions:

Which one would be your choice?

And why Trump?

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

Who declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic?

Yes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

There have been several small quakes in California since the beginning of the COVID19 outbreak, and scientists have determined that San Diego and Oceanside are now about 6 feet further apart.

They’re calling it SoCal distancing.

A friendly reminder to avoid all pottery while the outbreak is going on.

They say the virus originated in china.

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus outbreak

Upon getting to the store i was told that pants and a shirt was also required

News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea

Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

Chinese doctors published their findings on the corona outbreak...

It’s gone viral

When I was sitting indoors I wondered what did my parents did during the SARS outbreak without internet

I asked my 16 brothers and sisters and they couldn’t think of anything either

China has begun a propaganda campaign to deflect blame for starting the COVID-19 outbreak. . .

and I'm starting to believe that they were not responsible. If it had really been "Made in China", it never would have lasted this long.

I was on a camping trip when the coronavirus outbreak was announced. To try to stop the spread, we stayed in our tents all day. I guess you could say,

the camping trip was in tents.

I think EA should be in charge of handling the corona outbreak..

They already erased one Pandemic successfully.

Coronavirus outbreak is actually good news for America.

School shooting incidents decrease drammatically in 2020.

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

„Man you heard about that Virus Outbreak in Italy?“

„Yeah man, looks like it’s being pasta round“

Due to the viral outbreak, a high school prom goes into mandatory lock-down.

QuaranTeen-Pregnancy rates skyrocket.

How does an Introverted hypochondriac feel during the Corona virus outbreak?

Validated.

I would hate to see a diarrhea outbreak.

Everyone's gonna take all the nasal spray from every store

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

Teacher: "Billy, can you give me a sentence with the word contagious in it?"

Billy: "Trump should have responded to the COVID-19 outbreak quickly and decisively but it took the contagious"

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

My lady friend was thinking of smuggling some Mexican Romaine into the US due to the outbreak.

It's not a terrible idea, but I'm afraid that if she's caught they'll have to Caesar at the border.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

What did the Romaine lettuce say to the other one after the outbreak?









































































Romaine calm...

Did you hear about the recent polio outbreak among Stormtroopers?

I guess it’s because they always miss their shots.

Did you hear about the mad cow disease outbreak?

It was udder pandemonium

Bill and Hillary Clinton are eating dinner in a town where there has been a recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease.

When the waiter comes to take their order, Bill asks for a steak.

“But sir, what about the Mad Cow?” the waiter asks, concerned.

“Don’t worry,” Bill replies, “she’ll order for herself.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

What do you call an outbreak of zombies that also have speech impediments?

The Zombie Apocalisp!

No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak...

I guess you had to be there to get it.

Did you hear about the bacterial outbreak in the office?

They said it was a staff infection.

Outbreak - New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!

It's called Chirpies.
It's a Canarial Disease.
It's Untweetable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Outbreak Causes an Early Dismissal at the School

Little Edgar is brought back to class from ISS. As he enters the room, Edgar hears his teacher instruct the students.

Teacher: The same water is in your homes, so to prevent yourselves from being infected with E. Coli, don't drink or brush your teeth with any water that has not been boiled.<...

Two Bros, chillin' in a hot tub! 5 feet apart cause they're....

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

I went for an interview, they asked me where do I see myself in five years

Apparently, “still using the toilet rolls I stockpiled during the Coronavirus outbreak” is not the right answer

Considering idiots aren't buying Corona beer because of the name of the virus.....

We should name the next outbreak the Toilet Paper Virus and watch people's heads explode

How to name a virus... WHO version:

WHO HQ in 2003:
: There’s a new type of corona virus outbreak in Guangdong province in China.
: Let's call it Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome aka SARS.
: Excellent name. It does not refer to any specific location or people. So no one will be blamed or feared for it.

Also WHO ...

- Did you hear the World Health Organization is calling the Coronavirus a pandemic?

- WHO?
- The World Health Organization
- Yes
- Yes, what?
- WHO Is the World Health Organization
- The people in charge of global disease and health issues
- Who
- The people out there trying to prevent outbreaks
- Who
- The doctors and scientists working on a solution!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toilet Paper

Why are people are hoarding Toilet Paper now with this COVID-19 outbreak?


That's what you need when shit's about to go down!

100 zombies walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”

The nearest zombies moan, “Braaaaiins.”

“Sorry folks, if I had any of those I’d have locked the place down when I first heard of the outbreak.”

Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

An elderly woman overhears a young mother and her daughter in the supermarket

"I want these cookies!", screams the child. "Laura, we're almost at the cashier, we'll soon be home", says the mother patiently.

"I want ice cream!", cries the child a few seconds later on their way to check out. "Laura, it won't be long anymore, we're almost there", says the mother, with no ...

Ebola Plague

The CDC has confirmed that the recent Ebola outbreak is now the second disease in history to be known as the "black death".

What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie?

A Necrophiliac outbreak

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continue...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

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