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Outbreak Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

Have you heard my joke about the Ebola outbreak yet?

Eh... Nevermind. You probably won't get it.

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

Why was there a Covid-19 outbreak on the Death Star?

'Cos the Stormtroopers missed their shots.

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

Theres been an outbreak of bovine novovirus in Austria.

The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick.

In case of a zombie outbreak, quickly hide inside the nearest Walmart

Nobody has teeth there so you are safe from bites

What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak ?

They stay in Quran-tine

Who declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic?

Yes.

Chinese doctors published their findings on the corona outbreak...

It’s gone viral

Coronavirus outbreak is actually good news for America.

School shooting incidents decrease drammatically in 2020.

„Man you heard about that Virus Outbreak in Italy?“

„Yeah man, looks like it’s being pasta round“

News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea

Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

There’s been a recent outbreak that’s making Instagrammers sick

They’ve been spreading influence-za

Since the Covid outbreak began, I own the quietest bar in the USA...

Bar none.

Did you hear about the recent polio outbreak among Stormtroopers?

I guess it’s because they always miss their shots.

I think EA should be in charge of handling the corona outbreak..

They already erased one Pandemic successfully.

How does an Introverted hypochondriac feel during the Corona virus outbreak?

Validated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community?

It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

Did you hear about the mad cow disease outbreak?

It was udder pandemonium

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug,

apparently 9 out of 10 people suffered from diarrhoea.

I can’t stop thinking about the tenth person that actually enjoyed it...

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus outbreak

Upon getting to the store i was told that pants and a shirt was also required

What did the Romaine lettuce say to the other one after the outbreak?









































































Romaine calm...

With the new coronavirus outbreak Worldwide, the only people who can get closer than 6 feet to us are the police

So we have to tell them "Don't Stand So Close to Me."

When I was sitting indoors I wondered what did my parents did during the SARS outbreak without internet

I asked my 16 brothers and sisters and they couldn’t think of anything either

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Outbreak Causes an Early Dismissal at the School

Little Edgar is brought back to class from ISS. As he enters the room, Edgar hears his teacher instruct the students.

Teacher: The same water is in your homes, so to prevent yourselves from being infected with E. Coli, don't drink or brush your teeth with any water that has not been boiled.<...

My lady friend was thinking of smuggling some Mexican Romaine into the US due to the outbreak.

It's not a terrible idea, but I'm afraid that if she's caught they'll have to Caesar at the border.

No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak...

I guess you had to be there to get it.

Outbreak - New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!

It's called Chirpies.
It's a Canarial Disease.
It's Untweetable.

Did you hear about the bacterial outbreak in the office?

They said it was a staff infection.

What do you call an outbreak of zombies that also have speech impediments?

The Zombie Apocalisp!

Bill and Hillary Clinton are eating dinner in a town where there has been a recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease.

When the waiter comes to take their order, Bill asks for a steak.

“But sir, what about the Mad Cow?” the waiter asks, concerned.

“Don’t worry,” Bill replies, “she’ll order for herself.”

There have been several small quakes in California since the beginning of the COVID19 outbreak, and scientists have determined that San Diego and Oceanside are now about 6 feet further apart.

They’re calling it SoCal distancing.

Two elves are winding down in the North Pole bar after a long day of making toys.

After downing some shots of peppermint schnapps, the first elf says to the second, “That COVID outbreak in China has really messed up the toy production schedule. I don’t think Santa has ever pushed us so hard!”.

The second one added, “Yeah, things were so bad today that Rudolph and Blitzen...

Two cows are grazing together.

The first looks over to the second and asks, “Did you hear about the recent outbreak of Mad Cow disease?”


The second continues his grazing, unconcerned. “Why should I care? I’m a helicopter!”

How to name a virus... WHO version:

WHO HQ in 2003:
: There’s a new type of corona virus outbreak in Guangdong province in China.
: Let's call it Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome aka SARS.
: Excellent name. It does not refer to any specific location or people. So no one will be blamed or feared for it.

Also WHO ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

Two Bros, chillin' in a hot tub! 5 feet apart cause they're....

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

I went for an interview, they asked me where do I see myself in five years

Apparently, “still using the toilet rolls I stockpiled during the Coronavirus outbreak” is not the right answer

Considering idiots aren't buying Corona beer because of the name of the virus.....

We should name the next outbreak the Toilet Paper Virus and watch people's heads explode

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new genre of porn has been named.

"Outbreak" involves sex under quarantine, breaking quarantine to have sex and fetishizing having sex with the infected.

I gotta admit, it's pretty hot.
104.1°F to be exact.

100 zombies walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What’ll it be?”

The nearest zombies moan, “Braaaaiins.”

“Sorry folks, if I had any of those I’d have locked the place down when I first heard of the outbreak.”

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

Ebola Plague

The CDC has confirmed that the recent Ebola outbreak is now the second disease in history to be known as the "black death".

What about the mad cow?

A man and his wife arrive from a business trip and
go to his favorite steakhouse unaware of the mad cow outbreak in his town. The waiter sits them and says, "Our special today is duck or shrimp."

The man replies, "I want a T-bone steak medium well."

The waiter, a bit miffed continue...

An elderly woman overhears a young mother and her daughter in the supermarket

"I want these cookies!", screams the child. "Laura, we're almost at the cashier, we'll soon be home", says the mother patiently.

"I want ice cream!", cries the child a few seconds later on their way to check out. "Laura, it won't be long anymore, we're almost there", says the mother, with no ...

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