Corruption Jokes

-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.

-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!

-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

-- Oh, okay!

- “Bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.”
- “But mummy says you shouldn’t drink!”
- “Get a nice ice cream as well while you bring me beer.”
- “Oh, okay!”

I have a feeling that Pakistan bribed Nigeria to take first place…

we don't talk about it.

Both are spreading through the highest levels of the US government.

No matter how much you donate, *those kids will never see a dime.*

A lot of people have gotten away from paying spreading tickets in Moscow lately. The police commissioner have to act, he sends out a memo saying: 'You have to stop and fine everyone not matter who they are, or how important they are'.

Next day Putin is driven to work, but his driver drives v... read more

Because it knows judo.

They forget that, nowadays, whataboutism is also a huge problem.

But I'm willing to try.

“Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still d... read more

Thank God I'm Canadian.

I knew something smelt fishy

*"I think I'm gonna be Sikh."*

Good thing I live in North Korea, all praise our glorious leader

Our request for a comment from Sideshow Bob's campaign staff was declined

but you can deal with it.

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession. "100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become pros... read more

It went all the way to the top.

One week I watched Paris play Nice and the next week they were obviously playing Toulouse.

And honestly I'm wondering why I even play Monopoly with my family in the first place.

Against Las Vegas.

He was a good guy but I had no choice. I was losing blood fast and only "snitches get stitches".

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The Redskins." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheat... read more

Student: Future impossible tense.

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c... read more

Only 3 weeks later they were caught trying to reveal corruption by some high ranking officials and were put to death.

You could say, they chose the wrong Korea.

International Relations with Russia have never been better!

"How are you doing?" the KGB agent asks

"I'm fine, I'm working as a teacher. How about you?"

"I'm a KGB agent"

"Oh, what is it that you do?"

"I arrest those who are dissatisfied with the current regime"

"There are those that are satisfied with the current regime?"... read more

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

I find it to be a horrible corruption of the English language.

I say pizz and past, like a _real_ American.

After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says
I have 3 questions for you...
1) How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack the neighbouri... read more

\- Canada

The Serbian president first went up to God , and asked, "Father, when will my country finally be rid of poverty and corruption?

God paused, and then answered, "In 300 years, my son."

The Serbian president began to weep, "I won't live to see that day!"

Next the Mexican president ... read more

A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".

A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."


B... read more

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe... read more

Here's one of those great old stale Russian jokes. Quick context; Yeltsin presided over the gutting and corruption of a lot of Russian government companies.

A man drives up to the Kremlin and parks his car outside. As he is getting out a policemen hurriedly flusters over and says "You can't ... read more