My professor told me that I’m failing my ethics class

So I slid 20 dollars across the table and said _what about now...?_

I’ve always been told that you shouldn’t tell jokes at other people’s expense.

Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.

Law Professor: “You’re currently failing your ethics course.”

Me: _slides a $20 note across the table_ “How about now?”
Professor: _pockets the note_ “Still failing.”
Me: “OK, can I have my $20 back?”
Professor: “What $20?”

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

What did the Ethics Professor say to the Art Major?

You have to draw the line somewhere!

An Attorney's Ethical Dilemma

So this young attorney was visiting with his client, an elderly woman, when she gets up to leave, while reaching for her walking cane, a $100 bill falls out of her purse onto the floor and she hobbles out without noticing. So the young attorney is faced with a serious professional ethics dilemma, d...

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

Why did the ethics department correct the morality committee?

It was the right thing to do.

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he's not worried.

I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

A philosopher and a driver

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening’s lecture....

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?

A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.

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A doctor has sex with a patient

A doctor has sex with a patient. And the guilt is killing him, it goes against the ethics code every doctor swears by.

So one part of his brain tells him: "don't worry, you're not the first guy to sleep with a patient, and you definitely won't be the last. You're a bachelor too, it's fiiiine"...

From a professional ethics exam for lawyers

You are a young lawyer. An old woman comes to you to get a will. After you're done she hands you an envelope with cash as payment. When you count the money you notice that she mistakenly put 100$ too much on the envelope. What do you do with the extra money?

A: Keep the money yourself

...

Question from a Legal Ethics Law School Final Exam

A potential client comes into John's office and says he has been out of jail for 3 years and wants to check to make sure he is now officially off probation. John agrees to investigate. He tells the client it will cost him $100 if the matter can be handled with a simple phone call but he will have ...

Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...

Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong Morel fibre.

Morals and ethics

Little Mick came home from school one day quite perplexed. 'Dad, the teacher was telling us about morals and ethics today and I still don't understand the difference. What is it?'

'Well son, you know that I am a solicitor so let me explain with an example. Let's say that old Mrs Murphy comes ...

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics board an a rescind of your grant.

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

I just passed my ethics exam...

Of course I cheated

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

Your funding taken away and a call from the ethics board.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A hearing with the ethics committee and a revoked veterinary license. “Elephino...” you disgust me.

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"Won't you kiss me, doctor", asks a beautiful woman.

"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please, just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."

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A mosquito had a very tough upbringing

His father was an alcoholic. Many afternoons his father would come drunk and beat his wife and only son, John. John was traumatised by his father’s acts. Every day when he went to school he would cry. Everyday he thought himself that he will be a better mosquito than his father one day.

He c...

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A woman was in her physician's office when she suddenly asked him to kiss her

He replies, "I can't, that would be against my code of ethics"
Twenty minutes went by and the woman again pleaded for him to kiss her. Once more he refused, explaining as a doctor he simply could not.
After another 15 minutes passed, the woman begged him again.
"Look, I'm sorry. I just can'...

What do you get when you cross a duck and a pig?

A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Patient: Doctor please kiss me!

Doctor: I am sorry, I can’t! My code of ethics forbids me to kissing my patients. Honestly speaking we should not be having sex either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well first thousands sign a petition that the lightbulb needs to be changed, because it is using its ideology to change the room. The room was much better after the previous light bulb and we are going to go back to that. The lightbulb is a cunt. LIGHTBULB IS A CUNT. ITS ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND ...

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

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Reasons why God never got tenure at the university.

1. He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. And it had no cited references.
4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
5. And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world but what has he...

I used to work for a mad scientist

He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. We were making them stronger, faster and above all *smarter*-and after all its well known that dolphins are already very intelligent. ...

A man walks into a bar, and his head is an orange.

It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

The customer...

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