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Professor: "You are failing your ethics class."

Me: *slides a $50 across the desk*
"How about now?"

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he's not worried.

I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

If Aristotle was to write a book on ethical music what would he call it?

NickelBachean Ethics

What did the Ethics Professor say to the Art Major?

You have to draw the line somewhere!

Why did the ethics department correct the morality committee?

It was the right thing to do.

From a professional ethics exam for lawyers

You are a young lawyer. An old woman comes to you to get a will. After you're done she hands you an envelope with cash as payment. When you count the money you notice that she mistakenly put 100$ too much on the envelope. What do you do with the extra money?

A: Keep the money yourself

...

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics board an a rescind of your grant.

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

Your funding taken away and a call from the ethics board.

Question from a Legal Ethics Law School Final Exam

A potential client comes into John's office and says he has been out of jail for 3 years and wants to check to make sure he is now officially off probation. John agrees to investigate. He tells the client it will cost him $100 if the matter can be handled with a simple phone call but he will have ...

I downloaded a book on Ethics from the PirateBay

I hadn't gotten to that chapter yet

As soon as the inauguration is over, I'm getting a position on Trump's ethics committee.

I'm not political, I just need some quite time alone.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A hearing with the ethics committee and a revoked veterinary license. “Elephino...” you disgust me.

I just passed my ethics exam...

Of course I cheated

Morals and ethics

Little Mick came home from school one day quite perplexed. 'Dad, the teacher was telling us about morals and ethics today and I still don't understand the difference. What is it?'

'Well son, you know that I am a solicitor so let me explain with an example. Let's say that old Mrs Murphy comes ...

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"Won't you kiss me, doctor", asks a beautiful woman.

"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please, just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."

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A mosquito had a very tough upbringing

His father was an alcoholic. Many afternoons his father would come drunk and beat his wife and only son, John. John was traumatised by his father’s acts. Every day when he went to school he would cry. Everyday he thought himself that he will be a better mosquito than his father one day.

He c...

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A woman was in her physician's office when she suddenly asked him to kiss her

He replies, "I can't, that would be against my code of ethics"
Twenty minutes went by and the woman again pleaded for him to kiss her. Once more he refused, explaining as a doctor he simply could not.
After another 15 minutes passed, the woman begged him again.
"Look, I'm sorry. I just can'...

A Jewish shopkepper is educating his son

"Ethics is the most important aspect of business." he explains.

"What is ethics?" asks his son.

"Imagine that a client comes in and buys a jacket paying with a 100 dollar bill. As he leaves I notice that he gave me two bills that stuck together."

"And now the ethics comes into ...

What do you get when you cross a duck and a pig?

A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

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Patient: Doctor please kiss me!

Doctor: I am sorry, I can’t! My code of ethics forbids me to kissing my patients. Honestly speaking we should not be having sex either.

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Reasons why God never got tenure at the university.

1. He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. And it had no cited references.
4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review.
5. And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world but what has he...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well first thousands sign a petition that the lightbulb needs to be changed, because it is using its ideology to change the room. The room was much better after the previous light bulb and we are going to go back to that. The lightbulb is a cunt. LIGHTBULB IS A CUNT. ITS ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND ...

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

A man walks into a bar, and his head is an orange.

It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

The customer...

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