A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.

Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.

One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?

Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".

But I couldn't believe them.

You know, these politicians. They can lie.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

I parked my car outside parliament. "Sir, you can't park here," said a cop. "This is where our politicians work."

"Don't worry, I've locked it."

Did you know that politicians pay almost nothing for their funerals?

It's an old morticians secret. You just give them an enema and put them in a shoe box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are strippers such good politicians?

‘Cause they’re good on the polls.

Why do so many politicians and political leaders doubt climate change?

It’s because one half of the world is burning and the other half of the world is flooding.

They think it’ll cancel out at the equator.

Politicians go on a vacation

Politicians go on a vacation by bus.
The bus driver gets distracted by the beautiful scenery and drives off a cliff next to a farm.

The following day the police question the farmer:

\- Did you not find any victims?
\- Actually, I did.
\- And where are they?
\- Well,...

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

They should both be changed regularly, for the same reason.

A politicians promise

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village...

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

100 politicians walked into a bar...

... and nothing got done

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why have they started putting pictures of politicians inside toilet bowls?

So the assholes can see who they voted for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

Why Republican politicians have a better system than Democrat politicians do.

Democrat politicians bribe their supporters, but Republican supporters bribe their politicians!

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

Politicians these days.

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If politicians are able to poop...

than why are they always so full of shit?

What is the difference between flying pigs and politicians?

The letter f

Politicians are like sperm

Only one in a million turn out to be a human being.

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

Politicians in the US remind me of British teeth.

Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.

Do you know what we would call ‘COVID-19’ if the first ten thousand people killed were politicians?

A good start.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

A bus full of politicians crashed in a remote village.

Days later, when the reporters went there they found that all the corpses have been buried. And they went to the village chief to ask about the details. He told them how it was raining and that their bus lost control and crashed into a tree.
And then the politicians in the bus were screaming that...

With all these Politicians testing Positive for COVID-19...

It looks like Trump kept his promise to drain the swamp.

The vaccine's trial should be done on politicians first

If they survive the vaccine is safe, if they don't the country is safe.

Why US politicians are banned from plastic surgeries?

Can’t find any tools to cut open their skins

It would be really scary if politicians worked shiftwork

There would be so many night mayors

Why can't politicians get insurance?

Too much lie-ability.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet.

A group of politicians started a band

with Al Gore as the drummer. Old Al could never get the hang of keeping time, though: he would play 3/4 beats on 4/4 songs and 2/4 beats on 3/4 songs. It was always a mess, but the band tried to work through things and kept playing shows in spite of Al's problems. Obviously, they weren't very suc...

What do you call a body of water made up of politicians?

Bay of Pigs.

Also works with “What do you call a body of water made up of cops?”

A plane with famous and influential politicians onboard crashes into a field.

When the authorities arrive they find no survivors or dead bodies on the spot. It soon turns out that a local farmer buried them a bit further away.

The investigators ask him if he is sure there were no survivors, but he confirms that he buried each of them with his two hands.

The doct...

What kind of bears make the best politicians?

Pander Bears

Politicians are rushing to Venus.

This after news that the local population absolutely *lives* for hot air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician ends up in hell.

So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel hi...

A child asked his father "Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?"

The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."

Two trustworthy, reliable and good politicians walk down a flight of stairs

Trump says to Putin:

"Also taking the elevator today?"

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes two.

One to explain how they understand the impact of the light bulb being out, and to tell you how they're putting all their efforts into changing this light bulb, and they're forming a study group to figure out the best way to go about it.

And the other one to screwed into a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do politicians and my gf have in common?

They both are fucking liars (I know this is oddly specific, I’m not ok right now)

Stop blaming politicians

Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.

I guess politicians are just a bunch of chickens.

Ya got the right wing and the left wing.

Politicians always lie...

Didn't John F. Kennedy promise to serve a full term?

Politicians should be limited to two terms.

One in office and one in prison

Damn politicians

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning t...

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do politicians and porn stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

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