A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead...

Why Republican politicians have a better system than Democrat politicians do.

Democrat politicians bribe their supporters, but Republican supporters bribe their politicians!

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Why have they started putting pictures of politicians inside toilet bowls?

So the assholes can see who they voted for.

A politicians promise

A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.

“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village...

100 politicians walked into a bar...

... and nothing got done

Politicians these days.

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “...

Jellyfish and politicians are pretty similar.

They don't have hearts or brains only stomachs.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They both need to be changed regularly.

And for the same reason.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

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If politicians are able to poop...

than why are they always so full of shit?

Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

Politicians in the US remind me of British teeth.

Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.

Why do politicians tend to appear in movie cameos ?

Because they are such good actors.

We should send all of Earth's politicians to colonize Mars.

All that hot air would make it habitible quickly!

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

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Five Surgeons

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside...

The vaccine's trial should be done on politicians first

If they survive the vaccine is safe, if they don't the country is safe.

With all these Politicians testing Positive for COVID-19...

It looks like Trump kept his promise to drain the swamp.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. 2 argue about wether or not the lightbulb exists, and 1 to actually change it

It would be really scary if politicians worked shiftwork

There would be so many night mayors

A bus full of politicians crashed in a remote village.

Days later, when the reporters went there they found that all the corpses have been buried. And they went to the village chief to ask about the details. He told them how it was raining and that their bus lost control and crashed into a tree.
And then the politicians in the bus were screaming that...

A group of politicians started a band

with Al Gore as the drummer. Old Al could never get the hang of keeping time, though: he would play 3/4 beats on 4/4 songs and 2/4 beats on 3/4 songs. It was always a mess, but the band tried to work through things and kept playing shows in spite of Al's problems. Obviously, they weren't very suc...

Why can't politicians get insurance?

Too much lie-ability.

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

Politicians are like sperm

Only one in a million turn out to be a human being.

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An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartend...

Do you know what we would call ‘COVID-19’ if the first ten thousand people killed were politicians?

A good start.

Politicians are rushing to Venus.

This after news that the local population absolutely *lives* for hot air.

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Four surgeons are discussing their favorite patients to work on.

The first surgeon to speak says "librarians are my favorite; when you cut them open, everything inside is alphabetical filed."

The next surgeon replies "I prefer to work on accountants, because everything is in numerical order."

The third surgeon rebuttles "electricians are the best, w...

A plane with famous and influential politicians onboard crashes into a field.

When the authorities arrive they find no survivors or dead bodies on the spot. It soon turns out that a local farmer buried them a bit further away.

The investigators ask him if he is sure there were no survivors, but he confirms that he buried each of them with his two hands.

The doct...

Politicians, ISPs, Big Business, and foreign government agencies are all fighting for control over the internet, but who holds power over them all?

Anyone sorting by new.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician ends up in hell.

So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel hi...

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes two.

One to explain how they understand the impact of the light bulb being out, and to tell you how they're putting all their efforts into changing this light bulb, and they're forming a study group to figure out the best way to go about it.

And the other one to screwed into a...

What do you call a body of water made up of politicians?

Bay of Pigs.

Also works with “What do you call a body of water made up of cops?”

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet.

Life...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there w...

Two trustworthy, reliable and good politicians walk down a flight of stairs

Trump says to Putin:

"Also taking the elevator today?"

Stop blaming politicians

Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm.

When emergency services arrived, they asked the farmer what happened?

FARMER: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.
One of the firemen asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?
FARMER: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".
But I couldn't believe ...

What is the difference between flying pigs and politicians?

The letter f

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

I guess politicians are just a bunch of chickens.

Ya got the right wing and the left wing.

Politicians should be limited to two terms.

One in office and one in prison

Politicians always lie...

Didn't John F. Kennedy promise to serve a full term?

The difference between Russian and American politicians...

They both try to make people's lives better. But the Russians have a list of people in mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do politicians and my gf have in common?

They both are fucking liars (I know this is oddly specific, I’m not ok right now)

Politicians are like air freshener

They don’t solve problems. They cover them up.

Don't forget to pay your taxes this year....

.....other countries and politicians are depending on you.

Best way to lose in among us....

Is to play with politicians cause even if you know who did it they’ll invoke the fifth.

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Politicians are like toilet paper

One minute crowds chasing them.

Then they get elected.

Next thing, people would rather put them on their butthole.

A child asked his father "Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?"

The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel bad for all the politicians.

It must be quite inconvenient to remove their mask everytime before taking a shit.

You know the majority of folks down south hate left leaning politicians and it finally hit me as to why.....

They watch nascar drivers lean left 500 times every Sunday and just cant take anymore left in their life.

Why do politicians words travel at the speed of light?

Because they don’t matter!

Why do politicians always finish a football match with golden goal?

They believe in first past the post

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What symptom exists in all the politicians?

Constipation. Because they are so full of shit all the time.

Politicians are like Dorothy's friends in the Wizard of Oz

Heartless, brainless & cowardly

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