Why do kids in the Czech Republic get twice as many Christmas presents?

Because Santa Clause made a list and he Czeched it twice.

First thing on my to-do list: Find a republic.

Czech.

The Dominican Republic is such a great vacation spot

People are dying to see it.

Bohemia just announced its plans to secede from the Czech Republic.

Is this the real life?

A key lime pie costs $3.50 in Cuba, a lemon meringue pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican Republic...

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Did you hear about the place in western Czech Republic where they do hip-hop covers of Queen songs?

It's the Bohemian Rap City.

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are a...

What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

A cancelled Czech

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What do you call unfertilized semen in the Czech Republic?

Blank Czechs (#s)

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the βœ“

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

two old men are arguing about history and the spendors of athens and rome.

the Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

My wife is amazing

She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!

Have you heard about how much meat pastries cost in Antigua, Barbados, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Aruba, Trinidad and Tobago, The Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands?

You should have done, they are the pie rates of the Caribbean

I ordered a mail-order bride from the Czech Republic

Czech mate

The Democratic People's Republic of North Korea

Why is Kim Jong Un so evil? Because he has no Seoul. In fact, he made a Korea out of it.

Why was Kim Il Sung evil sometimes but not evil other times? He used to have a Seoul.

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

What's the most popular kind of music in the Czech Republic?

Prague Rock

Apparently there's a country in Europe where the people don't accept payment in cash, via card or even through a contactless system.

The Cheque Republic.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Angela Merkel invites to dinnerparty after G20 summit.

So, true story that has been leaked here in Germany, after the last G20 summit in Hamburg, Merkel invited all the leaders to a dinner party:

Sitting at the table Trump and Putin took a seat next to her, left and right. She notices the federal republic did not spare expenses and served dishes ...

I love my wife.

She just surprised me with a all-inclusive vacation to the Dominican Republic, and full access to the mini-bar! She even just got me a million dollar life insurance policy.

Hell Yeah!

My wife told me she wanted me to treat her like a queen.

So I had her executed with the guillotine for betraying the revolution and promoting undemocratic, outdated ideas.

Long live the republic!

A man walked into a bar and sees Julius Caesar and Mark Antony...

A man walked into a bar and sees Julius Caesar and Mark Antony sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they’re doing. Caesar says "We're going over plans to expand the Republic." The man asks what their plans are. Caesar says β€œwe’re going to kill 2 million Gauls and a Jew.” The man ask...

Two American communists decide they would like to emigrate to the Soviet Union.

The two men, names Ron and John, did not trust the negative things they had heard about the USSR in the press, since they believed that was just capitalist propaganda meant to discredit communism. However, just to be sure, the men formulated a plan to investigate what the country was like personally...

The U.S is so hypocritical

Claims to be a republic, but uses the imperial system...

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

Three men are trying to enter America for the first time

and are coming from Germany, China, and the Dominican Republic. They are told that they can become a citizen if they use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.

The German is up first. He says, β€œI love looking at pink and yellow flowers in the green grass, it looks beautiful.” His s...

Which country's people are least likely to use cash?

The Czech Republic.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

Which country has the most douchebags?

The Republic of Chad

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

What do you call a nomadic democracy?

A Roman Republic

Two famous explorers decided to trek across Canada...

They planned for months to make it the perfect trip, and they each had the support of their respective governments. Each explorer was to make a daily video call to their country's #1 news station to update them on their trip, in return for funding.
The explorer from Poland set out, and he met th...

A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.


Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks h...

A North Korean farmer is finally rewarded after fifty years of hard labour for the State

A party official visits the farmer in his simple living quarters and proclaims

"Comrade, for your hard work and absolute dedication to the great leader and the Democratic People's Republic, we would like to reward you with a car"

The humble farmer nods silently to show his appreciatio...

What's a bankers Favorite place to go on vacation?

The Czech Republic

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A White Man Stands Next to a Black Man at a Urinal...

the white man glances over and looks at the black man's penis, and notices the letters "WY" tattoo'd on the shaft. He realizes that he has the same tattoo on his shlong and begins to speak to the black man. "Hey, I noticed you have the same tattoo as me on your penis! Mine stands for my wife's name ...

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year...

... at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from the Czech Republic to visit. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spen...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A couple had only been married for two weeks.

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pre...

The Lord of an 19th century English manor is having an affair with one of his chambermaids...

One day the chambermaid is giving him a blow-job when she hears the lady of the house approaching. She stops what she's doing and looks up at him. At that moment, he climaxes and manages to get some right in her eye.

It's messy and burning, she runs to the door, rubbing her face and tearing u...

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine.

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine. Each year, he invited a different friend to spend a week or two with him.

One year, he decided to invite a friend from the Czech Republic. The two friends had an amazing time together, rising early and going h...

What do you call a chicken with political ambition?

Republic-hen

At The Zoo

One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."

To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of th...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Some hockey jokes, shamelessly lifted from /r/hockey

What country has the most physical hockey team?

The Czech Republic.
___________________________________
Why do St Louis fans drink out of bowls?

No Cups.

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How do you keep the Panthers out of your backyard?

Put up a goal net....

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