Which dinosaur does the government of the People's Republic of China hate?

Taiwanasaurus

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

In a banana republic

the traffic lights go from green to yellow to brown.

A rapper opened a burger joint in the Czech Republic

Now he boasts about how he makes fat Czechs.

What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

.. a cancelled check ..

How to one lady got out of a speeding ticket.

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and...

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Rabinovich, a Soviet trade official, is called to the Party meeting to be fired.

"Please, I have a family to feed," he begs the Party official.

"Okay," the partorg says, "You will go to Paris to sell Soviet perfume. If you get the contract, we will give you a bonus and let you stay."

So Rabinovich flies off to Paris. A week later, Moscow receives a telegram.
...

How are old people in Socialist republics similar?

They have a tendency to collapse

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Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

TIL there's one country that still doesn't use ANY form of electronic money transfer.

It's the Cheque Republic

When I was a kid, we used to refer to the People's Republic of China as "commies."

Now they are "dot commies."

Which European country did Fiona and Shrek go to for their honeymoon?

The Shrek Republic.

My son went to school in the Czech Republic just for the attractive women

He wanted to study a broad

What's the difference between a banana republic and USA?

The USA is a banana hegemony.

First thing on my to-do list: Find a republic.

Czech.

Scientists are saying that the capital of the Republic of Ireland has increased by a staggering 100%!

It’s Dublin

An apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica.

The same apple pie costs $3.00 in the Dominican Republic.

These are the pie rates of the Carribean.

Bohemia just announced its plans to secede from the Czech Republic.

Is this the real life?

Why do kids in the Czech Republic get twice as many Christmas presents?

Because Santa Clause made a list and he Czeched it twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can anything be extra virgin?

This is a long story, you might want to sit down.

Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic, they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta. One year several died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed, l...

The Dominican Republic is such a great vacation spot

People are dying to see it.

I'm about to go to the Dominican Republic on vacation

I think I'll bring a body bag just in case

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

Did you hear about the place in western Czech Republic where they do hip-hop covers of Queen songs?

It's the Bohemian Rap City.

I have a couple of friends from Czech Republic who are sound technicians

Czech one. Czech two

The Democratic People's Republic of North Korea

Why is Kim Jong Un so evil? Because he has no Seoul. In fact, he made a Korea out of it.

Why was Kim Il Sung evil sometimes but not evil other times? He used to have a Seoul.

Say what you like about China...

[This post has been removed by the Communist Party of China (CPC) of the People's Republic of China at the discretion of General Xi Jinping]

what do you call a country that's ruled by a lion, a witch and a wardrobe?

a banarnia republic

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

My wife is amazing

She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

I ordered a mail-order bride from the Czech Republic

Czech mate

I'm going to open an adventure clothing store for old ladies.

It'll be called Nana Republic

Have you heard about how much meat pastries cost in Antigua, Barbados, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Aruba, Trinidad and Tobago, The Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands?

You should have done, they are the pie rates of the Caribbean

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer...

What's the most popular kind of music in the Czech Republic?

Prague Rock

A Czech joke translation

Since we're all translating jokes, this is one I heard when I lived in Prague. FYI, it was a big hit when I told it in Sweden using Norway as the other country.

So an incredibly nefarious criminal escapes from prison in the Czech Republic. Rumor is he went across the border to Slovakia. So th...

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

Apparently there's a country in Europe where the people don't accept payment in cash, via card or even through a contactless system.

The Cheque Republic.

My wife told me she wanted me to treat her like a queen.

So I had her executed with the guillotine for betraying the revolution and promoting undemocratic, outdated ideas.

Long live the republic!

Where did the practice of signing a piece of paper in exchange for services and goods start?

The Czech Republic.

I was gonna make a China joke…

[THIS CONTENT, FOR YOUR SAFETY, HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.]

What was Jeffrey Epstein humming before dying?

"All the right moves", One Republic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most effective way to commit suicide;

Step 1: Move to the Czech Republic

Step 2: Run for office

Step 3: Implement policies that piss off the majority of the population

Step 4: Go to the top floor of a building in Prague

Step 5: Wait

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Angela Merkel invites to dinnerparty after G20 summit.

So, true story that has been leaked here in Germany, after the last G20 summit in Hamburg, Merkel invited all the leaders to a dinner party:

Sitting at the table Trump and Putin took a seat next to her, left and right. She notices the federal republic did not spare expenses and served dishes ...

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A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.


Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks h...

I love my wife.

She just surprised me with a all-inclusive vacation to the Dominican Republic, and full access to the mini-bar! She even just got me a million dollar life insurance policy.

Hell Yeah!

A North Korean farmer is finally rewarded after fifty years of hard labour for the State

A party official visits the farmer in his simple living quarters and proclaims

"Comrade, for your hard work and absolute dedication to the great leader and the Democratic People's Republic, we would like to reward you with a car"

The humble farmer nods silently to show his appreciatio...

The U.S is so hypocritical

Claims to be a republic, but uses the imperial system...

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year...

... at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from the Czech Republic to visit. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spen...

Which country's people are least likely to use cash?

The Czech Republic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

A group with a man from every country goes to a restaurant, but one refuses to enter. Who and why?

The guy from the Czech Republic, because the sign read that you can pay with Czech.

In the 2001 film "The Planet of the Apes" David Warner plays a primate named Senator Sandar

which means the whole planet is probably a Banana Republic

Three men are trying to enter America for the first time

and are coming from Germany, China, and the Dominican Republic. They are told that they can become a citizen if they use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.

The German is up first. He says, “I love looking at pink and yellow flowers in the green grass, it looks beautiful.” His s...

The Lord of an 19th century English manor is having an affair with one of his chambermaids...

One day the chambermaid is giving him a blow-job when she hears the lady of the house approaching. She stops what she's doing and looks up at him. At that moment, he climaxes and manages to get some right in her eye.

It's messy and burning, she runs to the door, rubbing her face and tearing u...

Two American communists decide they would like to emigrate to the Soviet Union.

The two men, names Ron and John, did not trust the negative things they had heard about the USSR in the press, since they believed that was just capitalist propaganda meant to discredit communism. However, just to be sure, the men formulated a plan to investigate what the country was like personally...

Two famous explorers decided to trek across Canada...

They planned for months to make it the perfect trip, and they each had the support of their respective governments. Each explorer was to make a daily video call to their country's #1 news station to update them on their trip, in return for funding.
The explorer from Poland set out, and he met th...

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A White Man Stands Next to a Black Man at a Urinal...

the white man glances over and looks at the black man's penis, and notices the letters "WY" tattoo'd on the shaft. He realizes that he has the same tattoo on his shlong and begins to speak to the black man. "Hey, I noticed you have the same tattoo as me on your penis! Mine stands for my wife's name ...

What do you call a nomadic democracy?

A Roman Republic

What's a bankers Favorite place to go on vacation?

The Czech Republic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple had only been married for two weeks.

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pre...

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine.

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine. Each year, he invited a different friend to spend a week or two with him.

One year, he decided to invite a friend from the Czech Republic. The two friends had an amazing time together, rising early and going h...

At The Zoo

One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."

To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of th...

What do you call a chicken with political ambition?

Republic-hen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some hockey jokes, shamelessly lifted from /r/hockey

What country has the most physical hockey team?

The Czech Republic.
___________________________________
Why do St Louis fans drink out of bowls?

No Cups.

___________________________________

How do you keep the Panthers out of your backyard?

Put up a goal net....

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