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Politically Correct Jokes

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint

You have to say

Leroy, please paint that wall

Fast & Furious : The politically correct edition

Fast 10 - The seatbelts

I won the first place in the Politically correct quiz contest

To be fair, so did the rest of them

Politically correct

I identify as as a comedian
My pronouns are HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE

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TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...

The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."

My friend tries hard to be politically correct

Talk about the pot calling the kettle African American

There are so many politically correct terms for disabled people nowadays...

Things like "special needs," "special ed," and "special Olympics," that's why it worries me so much when I hear of the "special forces" going to war.

It may not be "politically correct" to say this...

...but there are over one million U.S Senators.

Hipsters

I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".

Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"

Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence"

Politically correct people are great comedians

Even when they say something's not funny people keep laughing

What do you call politically correct chocolate?

Her/she kisses

I don't care if it's not "politically correct"...

But I think the president of Europe is a really nice guy

I was attacked by a politically correct zombie.......

I screamed “oh no a zombie!”
And he replied “ummm actually the term is living impaired”

Politically correct chat up line

20th century man in a bar - "hey gorgeous can I buy you a drink?"

21st century man in a bar - "I consider you aesthetically pleasing and on that basis request permission to purchase for you a beverage. If this is acceptable to you, please read this contract and in the boxes provided list you...

What do you call a politically correct large expensive house?

A Persion.

I hate how politically correct things are these days. You can't even say the word stupid without people getting offended.

I started to tell a Polish joke to a group of guys and one of them said "Hey, I'm Polish and that joke offends me!" Fair enough I thought, no one likes to be stereotyped. So I swapped out the word "Polish" for "stupid" and started the joke over. Same guy got offended.

It is no longer politically correct to call tweakers, tweakers.

They are Methican Americans!

I just came back from a trip to Thailand and I was quickly surprised by the many Caucasians. I was then reminded that this is not the politically correct name for them.

They would not like to be called Caucasians but Ladyboys instead

I tried to be politically correct for the holidays this year

but "Caucasian Christmas" proved considerably harder to sing than I expected...

A friend of mine is so politically correct....

At the deli he is afraid to ask for " white American " cheese.

So a black guy walks into a bank

All dressed in black and says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"

The black guy says "You're joking."

The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

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Land O Lakes

Have you guys seen the new Land O Lakes butter packaging? They removed the Native American girl from their labels to be more politically correct.

Now that’s the most American thing I’ve ever seen; remove the Indian and keep the land.

I cant stand this politically correct society much longer. I can't even order coffee anymore.

I used to go to the store and just say "I'll take my coffee black." Now I have to say "I'll take my coffee jeniqua."

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My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

It may not be politically correct, but I wouldn't ever date someone who was born with deformed feet.

You could say I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Things have become so politically correct, I can't even fat shame myself without looking over my shoulder.

Which i cant.

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

We'll call it "The cognitive and behavioral fun time vacation for people with ADHD"

'Cause apparently "concentration camp" isn't politically correct

I hate how we have to be politically correct at the office. My boss said we shouldn't use the term "black" because it's not very professional.

So during coffee break, I asked him: *"How African-American do you like your coffee?"*

The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists!

They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism

A couple are on a blind date. She, a New York realtor; he, a Russian businessman. After a lovely dinner, conversation turns to world affairs, and the man expresses some anti-Islamic views.

The woman is incensed, but the guy is cute so she decides to give him a second chance: “I don’t know what’s acceptable in Russia, but I don’t want to hear any of that bigoted rhetoric. Not another word! I’m going to the washroom to cool off and we’ll try again.” As the woman leaves the table the...

It is inappropriate to call people "monkeys"

The politically correct term is "orangutan".

I accidentally called my two English friends Chapsticks, and they are really mad at me.

Apparently the politically correct term is conjoined twins.

I once got slapped for calling two women hipsters.

I guess the politically correct term is ~~combined ~~ *conjoined twins.

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

The MLB is renaming the “disabled list” to the “injured list”.

I’m surprised by how easily it was for the Cleveland Indians to embrace using politically correct terminology.

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

I like those comedy shorts you see on YouTube sometimes.

Or 'dwarves', if you want to be all politically correct about it.

I saw a sign advertising a plowsharing market the other day.

I don't know if that's a more or less politically correct way of talking about a swinger party...

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Lenin headed directly to Heaven after he died.

He thought he had done much good for the oppressed and deserved retirement in Heaven. He arrived at the gates.

"Who's there?"

"Vladimir Ilyich Lenin."

"Okay, okay! Last one in be sure to close the door. It's kind of cold in here..."

God checked Lenin's dossier and decided...

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it ...

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