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Pleasuring Jokes

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What do you call a pig pleasuring itself?

Masturbacon

What do you call a cow pleasuring itself?

Beef Strokinoff

What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself?

Your ear listening for foot steps.

I accidentally walked in on my sister pleasuring her self with a cucumber!!!

I was going to eat that later... now it's going to taste like cucumber

As an endocrinologist, I have problems with pleasuring women.

I can’t even make a hormone!

Einstein was pleasuring himself when he came up with the theory of relativity.

Stroke of genius.

I recently decided I'm going to try to quit pleasuring myself.

I can already tell this is going to end up being a massive bust.

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A virgin goes to a brothel...

He finds a nice young lady and the two go into a back room. He's never done this type of thing before so the hooker instructs him on what to do, telling him to begin by eating her out.

The man does as he's told, but while orally pleasuring her he comes across a piece of a carrot. He thinks t...

I joined a debate club today, when I arrived everyone was pleasuring themselves

They were mass debating.

A man gets home and sees his wife pleasuring herself with a cucumber

"What are you doing?" he shouts, "I have to eat that later, and I don't want it tasting like cucumber!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you call someone that really enjoys pleasuring their partner’s asshole?

A crack addict.

Walked in on my cousin pleasuring herself with a carrot today...

I was mad because I had planned on eating that later, now it’s just gonna taste like carrots..

A father walks in on her daughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber.

"Gross" he says, "I was gonna eat it. Now it will taste like cucumber."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home early and caught my wife pleasuring my best friend...

...but it's okay. Masturbation is perfectly healthy and natural.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hired a porno the other day but instead of seeing hot young ladies pleasuring each other, the movie consisted entirely of some fat old man sitting on his couch holding his dick.

Then I realised I hadn't turned the TV on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Health Plans

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient pleasuring himself right there in the hallway. "Wh...

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