I didn't realize what true happiness was until I got married.

But by then it was already too late.

If the Swan symbolizes happiness, then what bird symbolizes True Love?

The Swallow

If happiness was money....

I'd be broke.

My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids.

But by then, it was too late.

Nothing is better than infinite happiness; a pizza is better than nothing

Therefore a pizza is better than infinite happiness

Money can't buy you happiness

Well check this out, i just brought a happy meal

A man walks into a bar with a blue bird of happiness on one shoulder and a leprachaun on the other

He walks up to the bar, hands over a thousand dollars, orders three scotch and waters, buys drinks for the entire bar and tells the manager to keep the change. The man drinks his scotch and water, the blue bird drinks his but the leprachaun downs his drink in one gulp, throws the glass and smashes t...

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

Where is happiness made?

At the satisfactory.

Some people cause happiness wherever they go

while some, whenever they go

Happiness recipe.

I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

They say you can't buy happiness,

But between you and me, I know a guy.
Of course, he calls it ecstasy, but it's the same stuff.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You can’t say happiness

Without saying penis

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Prescription to Happiness

A woman finds herself extremely depressed. No matter what she does she can’t seem to find joy. Constantly sad and with no hope, she decides to go to the doctor to see what he can do for her.

So the woman arrives at the doctor, and starts to explain her symptoms. The doctor, knowing full well ...

I donated my phone and my watch today and you can't imagine the happiness I felt

as I saw him putting his gun back into his pocket

What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?

Me, I'm a divorce lawyer

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

Happiness

Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump are on a plane. As the plane flies over a poor city, the Korean dictator looks through the window and claims:

-If I were to toss a dollar off the plane, I would make one person happy.

-If I were to throw a hundred dollars in pennies, I could...

Always remember that other people aren't responsible for your happiness.

They're responsible for your unhappiness.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me reading ScienceMag: It's impossible to feel happiness and fury simultaneously.

Girlfriend: "You know... - Out of all your brothers, your dick is the biggest."

Why is a cheeseburger better than eternal happiness?

1. Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
2. A cheeseburger is better than nothing.

QED

Can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?

Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king!

"Happiness is just around the corner,

too bad the world is round."

They say money can't buy happiness…

But tell me, have you ever seen a sad man in a Ferrari?

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;

and then it was too late."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happiness is just like a butterfly...

It always fucking evades you.

They say that happiness is the key to everything...

So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock

When I was young, I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. . . .

I was right.

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but..

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happiness

Fred lost one of his arms in an accident. 


He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf. 

One day in despair he decided to commit suicide. 

He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down when ...

Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent

Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A university professor was giving a lecture to a group of men on the link between sex and happiness.

To illustrate an example, he asked the men who have sex daily to stand up. A number of men stood up, smiling and high fiving each other.

Then he asked the men who have sex once a week to stand up. Again, a group of them stood up, but only with a faint smile on their faces.

Taking it fu...

People say money is not the key to happiness

But with enough money, you can have a key made.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For a Man to Find Happiness with Women; 4 Things Every Man Should Know:




1. It's essential to find a woman that cooks well and will be a good mother to your children.

2. It's vital to find a woman that earns plenty of money and will help fund all your entrepreneurial business
ideas.

3. It's necessary to find a woman that likes to have plenty...

One does not know true happiness until he gets married

But then it's too late...

Source: I heard it in a PS2 Raw vs Smackdown game...

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients?

A hooker with a gimmick

True happiness

Three men, an American, a Frenchman and a (Soviet) Russian are having a chat about real happiness.

The American says, "I will tell you what real happiness is. It is a loving wife, well behaved kids and a steady job with good pay so I can afford a nice house, a big car and a big television to...

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.

They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a moth walks into a podiatrists office...

After walking in, the podiatrist looks at him for awhile and then says “What seems to be the problem, moth?”
The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even...

My dads favorite joke (long)

A rabbit is hopping along the woods one day, minding his own business, when he comes across a little village.

He hears laughing and general good humor echoing from the little town so he decides to investigate.

The rabbit hides behind a little bush and what he finds he almost can’t ex...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, I named my penis Buddha

Bc often when I rub it, it brings me happiness,peace and mental wealth.

A man finds a magic lamp in the desert

He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money d...

An old man dies and stands before the pearly white gates

He's standing there, knocking on the pearly gates, but unfortunately for him St Peter's on his lunch break. However, it just so happens that after a little while Jesus passes by. Being the helpful sort, he goes up to the gates and asks if he can help.

"Yes," says the old man, "I've just died ...

Just donated my phone, watch, and the 500 dollars in my wallet to a homeless man

You won’t believe the happiness on his face as he put the gun away

It's a glorious Sunday morning...

... and a parish priest is just waking up. He looks out of the window, sees the glorious day, and decides to pull a sicky - he phones the Bishop and says he's not well and can't perform Mass. The Bishop says not to worry, he'll sort things out.

As soon as the Bishop is off the line, the pri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A suicidal man is about to jump off a building..

when he sees an armless man happily dancing & jumping on the street and he thinks: "Here I am with a complete set of limbs & miserable while an armless man is happy with his life. I better go down to him and ask him what's his secret to his happiness.."

So, he comes down the building ...

A man dies and arrives at the gates of heaven.

St Peter welcomes him with "this is the gate to eternal happiness, to enter you must tell me a selfless action you did in your life on earth."

The man thinks for a while and replies "Well there was this one time... this kid knocked over some motor cycles and a group of angry drunken bikers c...

Garden of Eden

It was the day of the judgement and God was really happy with what USA has done in its short time on earth. In fact God was so happy that it decided to allow all the presidents and first ladies in the garden of Eden for eternal happiness.

And so one by all presidents and first ladies present ...

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The Sex Professor

A professor gave a lecture to a room of university students, entitled "The Correlation Between Sex and Happiness".

He was determined to try out his theory with a simple test, and so asked any students who had sex once a week to stand up. Those who did laughed sheepishly or giggled, and the p...

So, a stutterer was a wedding.

He stand's up and says, "hip, hip."

And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised,
"HURRAY"

The stutterer, tried again, but louder, "HIP!! HIP!!"

Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
"HUURRAAAAY!!!!!"

The stutte...

Vinny the Hitman's birthday

On his birthday, Vinny, a professional hitman, is getting ready to go out, when suddenly, a large group of mobsters shows up at hist front door.


"Vinny," say the mobsters, "it's your birthday. Come on, we've booked you an entire restaurant. Let's go."


"Oh my god guys," says Vin...

One for you MTG Players

Happiness goes on the stack but it never resolves.


Esp when I'm against control

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At Oxford's men only English language competition, 200 males were participating

The challenge was to express Peacefulness, Happiness and Calmness in a single sentence.

The person who won the competition wrote....

"My wife is sleeping."

​

​

​

He also received standing ovation from the audience.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four men all die simultaneously and appear before the Devil in the Garden of Eden

The Devil says to the men: "within this garden you will find every fruit that has ever existed in vast quantities, please choose one type and collect 10 of them, then return to me and I will explain the game we are about to play."

The men nod and go off to find their respective fruits, and sh...

Husband on second day of marriage :-

He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.

Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.

Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this mor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife is divorcing me

My wife is divorcing me because I gave a lot of money to Charity. While I see Charity as happiness for my body and soul, my wife sees her just as a whore.