The 45+ Best Happiness Jokes

Money can't buy happiness

But people can

Where is happiness made?

At the satisfactory.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

The keys for men to find happiness in a relationship are as follows

Find a woman that understands your flaws, a woman that loves you, a woman that has a great sense of humour and make sure those three women don’t find out about each other.

The 5 secrets to happiness for men....

1) Find a woman who can make you laugh.

2) Find a woman who can cook.

3) Find a woman who really listens to you.

4) Find a woman who is great in bed.

5) Make sure these 4 women don't find out about each other.

I never knew what happiness was until I got married.

And then it was too late.

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness

Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

A minister is giving a sermon on marital relations and happiness in marriage.

He states that those who have the happiest marriages have very regular conjugal relations. To prove his point he asks those who have such relations several times a week to stand. As they do he sees a smiling group of people. Then he asks who have conjugal relations several times a month and those...

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Harold got in bed, kissed his lovely wife, and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the pearly Gates and St. Peter said..

“You died in your sleep, Harold.”

Harold was stunned. "I'm dead...? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back to my wife!”

St. Peter said, "Perhaps that can be arranged, but there aren’t many open spots right now. You’ve got two alternatives: you can come back to you...

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

Real happiness

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness

The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"

The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make lov...

The real meaning of happiness

Today I donated a watch, a phone and $500 to a poor guy.You can't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

This joke will Make you Cry out of Happiness!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water!

When my daughter Ria turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said:

Euphoria

My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids.

But by then, it was too late.

Happiness

A Chinese business man has been sharing photos of children crawling around and playing on top of a Lamborghini, saying that the happiness of children is the most valuable thing in the world. A million dollars worth Lamborghini is nothing compared to that. So he allow the kids to play and jump on top...

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A few days ago, my friend compared me to a Happy Meal, Her reasoning was that i'm cute and a bundle of happiness.

I thought that that was interesting, because I also cum with a toy.

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Sex and happiness

John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office.

After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy s...

Money cant buy you happiness.

But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.

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A couples therapist believes the amount of sex you have is directly related to happiness, so he decides to test his theory at his next seminar.

He addresses the crowd in attendance and asks "How many couples here tonight have sex once a day?"

To the therapists delight, about half of the crowd raise their hands with wide, toothy grins across their faces.

The therapist then asks "How many have sex once a week?"

Roughly a ...

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Matrix Management: The Key to Happiness

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed b...

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Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

They say money doesn't buy happiness

but money could buy me some yachts and that would at least give me some *fleet*ing joy

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Happiness is like pissing yourself

Haven’t felt it since I was 5.

What do you call a meme that provokes intense happiness

Dope-a-meme

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

A man walks into a bar with a blue bird of happiness on one shoulder and a leprachaun on the other

He walks up to the bar, hands over a thousand dollars, orders three scotch and waters, buys drinks for the entire bar and tells the manager to keep the change. The man drinks his scotch and water, the blue bird drinks his but the leprachaun downs his drink in one gulp, throws the glass and smashes t...

Money doesn't buy happiness

But I would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle

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When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness.

Has never paid for a divorce before.

Some people create happiness wherever they go.

Others, whenever they go.

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

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Happiness

Fred lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf.

One day in despair he decided to commit suicide.

He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down when ...

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The Discovery of happiness

(English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammat mistakes xP)

A scientist, after many years of study managed to mathematically prove that having regular sex is the key to happiness. So, he decides to set up a conference, in which many people curious of his...

My Friend: Find Happiness in small things.

Me: Sounds something your wife might say.

After five years of living in utter despair, a young man finally found the key to lifelong happiness.

It was Prozac.

Money doesn’t always buy happiness.

A man with 10 million can be just as happy as a man with 12 million.

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You can’t spell happiness

Without “penis”

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

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For BB King's birthday his wife wanted to give him something very special. BB, as famous as he was, already had pretty much everything a person could want, money, fame and happiness.

BB's wife decided to get "BB" tattooed on her butt in such a way that a "B" is on each buttcheek. That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to give BB her gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, and that he'll see a very, very special name, she proceeded to bend over and p...

What’s the difference between my dad and happiness?

Nothing, I haven’t experienced either of them in my life for years.

It is difficult to tell who gives some couples the most happiness.

The minister who marries
them or the judge who divorces them.

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How does the Autocorrect of an Alabama man word it when the man wants to demonstrate his happiness about something?

Fucking Niece

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