Peace, Love and Happiness

A very strict man had three hot daughters, named Peace, Love and Happiness. He always hated any guy his daughters brought home - always told them there was no man good enough for his daughters.

Peace was dating a boy he particularly hated, but she kept dating him anyway. Once Peace and her bo...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp...

He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!

The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money do...

The only thing between a man and true, life long happiness...

are 2 vertebrae.

It's true that money can't buy happiness;

but happiness cannot buy groceries.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happiness is someone laughing at a rude word.

"Ha Penis"

I didn't realize what true happiness was until I got married.

But by then it was already too late.

If the Swan symbolizes happiness, then what bird symbolizes True Love?

The Swallow

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family...

... in another city!

Money doesn’t buy happiness.

But somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Lamborghini than a bus.

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

Teacher: can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?

Student: Drin King, Smo King, and Fuc King!

Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness...

Has obviously never paid for a divorce.

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids.

But by then, it was too late.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

I remember one time when by dad came home from work, absolutely beaming with happiness

I asked "Why are you do happy, Daddy?"

"Well kiddo, today at work Daddy's boss called him into his office, and invited him to go golfing with some of the other big boss men at the company. I shot the best game of my life, and after I got a hole in one on the last hole, my boss told me I was ...

Nothing is better than infinite happiness; a pizza is better than nothing

Therefore a pizza is better than infinite happiness

A man walks into a bar with a blue bird of happiness on one shoulder and a leprachaun on the other

He walks up to the bar, hands over a thousand dollars, orders three scotch and waters, buys drinks for the entire bar and tells the manager to keep the change. The man drinks his scotch and water, the blue bird drinks his but the leprachaun downs his drink in one gulp, throws the glass and smashes t...

They say you can't buy happiness,

But between you and me, I know a guy.
Of course, he calls it ecstasy, but it's the same stuff.

Where is happiness made?

At the satisfactory.

What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?

Me, I'm a divorce lawyer

I donated my phone and my watch today and you can't imagine the happiness I felt

as I saw him putting his gun back into his pocket

Money can't buy you happiness

Well check this out, i just brought a happy meal

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

Happiness recipe.

I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Prescription to Happiness

A woman finds herself extremely depressed. No matter what she does she can’t seem to find joy. Constantly sad and with no hope, she decides to go to the doctor to see what he can do for her.

So the woman arrives at the doctor, and starts to explain her symptoms. The doctor, knowing full well ...

Some people cause happiness wherever they go

while some, whenever they go

Happiness

Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump are on a plane. As the plane flies over a poor city, the Korean dictator looks through the window and claims:

-If I were to toss a dollar off the plane, I would make one person happy.

-If I were to throw a hundred dollars in pennies, I could...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You can’t say happiness

Without saying penis

Always remember that other people aren't responsible for your happiness.

They're responsible for your unhappiness.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me reading ScienceMag: It's impossible to feel happiness and fury simultaneously.

Girlfriend: "You know... - Out of all your brothers, your dick is the biggest."

"Happiness is just around the corner,

too bad the world is round."

Why is a cheeseburger better than eternal happiness?

1. Nothing is better than eternal happiness.
2. A cheeseburger is better than nothing.

QED

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;

and then it was too late."

They say money can't buy happiness…

But tell me, have you ever seen a sad man in a Ferrari?

They say that happiness is the key to everything...

So when I got locked out of my house, I smiled at the lock

When I was young, I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness. . . .

I was right.

Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent

Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happiness

Fred lost one of his arms in an accident. 


He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf. 

One day in despair he decided to commit suicide. 

He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down when ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A university professor was giving a lecture to a group of men on the link between sex and happiness.

To illustrate an example, he asked the men who have sex daily to stand up. A number of men stood up, smiling and high fiving each other.

Then he asked the men who have sex once a week to stand up. Again, a group of them stood up, but only with a faint smile on their faces.

Taking it fu...

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but..

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For a Man to Find Happiness with Women; 4 Things Every Man Should Know:




1. It's essential to find a woman that cooks well and will be a good mother to your children.

2. It's vital to find a woman that earns plenty of money and will help fund all your entrepreneurial business
ideas.

3. It's necessary to find a woman that likes to have plenty...

People say money is not the key to happiness

But with enough money, you can have a key made.

True happiness

Three men, an American, a Frenchman and a (Soviet) Russian are having a chat about real happiness.

The American says, "I will tell you what real happiness is. It is a loving wife, well behaved kids and a steady job with good pay so I can afford a nice house, a big car and a big television to...

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients?

A hooker with a gimmick

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

One does not know true happiness until he gets married

But then it's too late...

Source: I heard it in a PS2 Raw vs Smackdown game...

What does the H in me stand for?

Happiness.

A joke I heard recently about depression:

One day, a man is so sick and tired of the usual routine that he decides to finally take action and seek a doctor for psychological help.

He goes to the doctor and confesses for the first time the feelings which haunt his daily life: how he perceives the world is harsh and cruel, how he feels...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don...

I just donated the contents of my wallet, my iPhone X, and my $10,000 Rolex watch to some poor guy living on the streets.

You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he put his gun back into his pocket.

a man wakes up on a merchant ship after a night of heavy drinking

upon waking, he is greeted by the ship's captain, who offers him a hearty handshake and a loaf of bread.

The man quickly realizes he's been shanghaied and asks when and where he will be able to get back to shore.

the captain laughs and says, "well it's going to be a few months young ma...

Doh!!!

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.<...

An old man dies and stands before the pearly white gates

He's standing there, knocking on the pearly gates, but unfortunately for him St Peter's on his lunch break. However, it just so happens that after a little while Jesus passes by. Being the helpful sort, he goes up to the gates and asks if he can help.

"Yes," says the old man, "I've just died ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, I named my penis Buddha

Bc often when I rub it, it brings me happiness,peace and mental wealth.

My dads favorite joke (long)

A rabbit is hopping along the woods one day, minding his own business, when he comes across a little village.

He hears laughing and general good humor echoing from the little town so he decides to investigate.

The rabbit hides behind a little bush and what he finds he almost can’t ex...

It's a glorious Sunday morning...

... and a parish priest is just waking up. He looks out of the window, sees the glorious day, and decides to pull a sicky - he phones the Bishop and says he's not well and can't perform Mass. The Bishop says not to worry, he'll sort things out.

As soon as the Bishop is off the line, the pri...

Just donated my phone, watch, and the 500 dollars in my wallet to a homeless man

You won’t believe the happiness on his face as he put the gun away

There's this man walking along a beach and find's a lamp washed up on the shore

He picks up the lamp and a genie pops out.

The genie says you have 3 wishes. But whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get double.

So the man thinks and get says "One million Dollars" and just like that a big bag appears with money inside of it. Then the man hears someone cheering ...

Garden of Eden

It was the day of the judgement and God was really happy with what USA has done in its short time on earth. In fact God was so happy that it decided to allow all the presidents and first ladies in the garden of Eden for eternal happiness.

And so one by all presidents and first ladies present ...

A man dies and arrives at the gates of heaven.

St Peter welcomes him with "this is the gate to eternal happiness, to enter you must tell me a selfless action you did in your life on earth."

The man thinks for a while and replies "Well there was this one time... this kid knocked over some motor cycles and a group of angry drunken bikers c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Sex Professor

A professor gave a lecture to a room of university students, entitled "The Correlation Between Sex and Happiness".

He was determined to try out his theory with a simple test, and so asked any students who had sex once a week to stand up. Those who did laughed sheepishly or giggled, and the p...