UPJOKE
gladfelicitousjoyfuljoyousfortunatehappinessblissfulpleasantcontenteuphoricluckyprosperousblessedcontentedproud

Happiness is like peeing in your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth

Where is happiness made?

At the satisfactory.

I never knew what happiness was until I got married.

And then it was too late.

A minister is giving a sermon on marital relations and happiness in marriage.

He states that those who have the happiest marriages have very regular conjugal relations. To prove his point he asks those who have such relations several times a week to stand. As they do he sees a smiling group of people. Then he asks who have conjugal relations several times a month and those...

Money can't buy happiness

But people can

Real happiness

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness


The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"

The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make lov...

The 5 secrets to happiness for men....

1) Find a woman who can make you laugh.

2) Find a woman who can cook.

3) Find a woman who really listens to you.

4) Find a woman who is great in bed.

5) Make sure these 4 women don't find out about each other.

The real meaning of happiness

Today I donated a watch, a phone and $500 to a poor guy.You can't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

A cheese sandwich is better than complete happiness

Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

The keys for men to find happiness in a relationship are as follows

Find a woman that understands your flaws, a woman that loves you, a woman that has a great sense of humour and make sure those three women don’t find out about each other.

Happiness

A Chinese business man has been sharing photos of children crawling around and playing on top of a Lamborghini, saying that the happiness of children is the most valuable thing in the world. A million dollars worth Lamborghini is nothing compared to that. So he allow the kids to play and jump on top...

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Happiness

Fred lost one of his arms in an accident. 


He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf. 

One day in despair he decided to commit suicide. 

He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down when ...

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Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

Money cant buy you happiness.

But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.

Happiness

People always say money can’t buy happiness

Well tell that to happiness, my new golden retriever

This joke will Make you Cry out of Happiness!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water!

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Happiness is like pissing yourself

Haven’t felt it since I was 5.

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Matrix Management: The Key to Happiness

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed b...

Money doesn't buy happiness

But I would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle

They say money doesn't buy happiness

but money could buy me some yachts and that would at least give me some *fleet*ing joy

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The Discovery of happiness

(English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammat mistakes xP)

A scientist, after many years of study managed to mathematically prove that having regular sex is the key to happiness. So, he decides to set up a conference, in which many people curious of his...

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You can’t spell happiness

Without “penis”

My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids.

But by then, it was too late.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness.

Has never paid for a divorce before.

Some people create happiness wherever they go.

Others, whenever they go.

Happiness

Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump are on a plane. As the plane flies over a poor city, the Korean dictator looks through the window and claims:

-If I were to toss a dollar off the plane, I would make one person happy.

-If I were to throw a hundred dollars in pennies, I could...

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

My Friend: Find Happiness in small things.

Me: Sounds something your wife might say.

Happiness recipe.

I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

What do you call a meme that provokes intense happiness

Dope-a-meme

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

Money doesn’t buy happiness.

But somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Lamborghini than a bus.

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...

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The Prescription to Happiness

A woman finds herself extremely depressed. No matter what she does she can’t seem to find joy. Constantly sad and with no hope, she decides to go to the doctor to see what he can do for her.

So the woman arrives at the doctor, and starts to explain her symptoms. The doctor, knowing full well ...

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What is the secret to eternal happiness?

1: "To not argue with fools"

2: "Thats bullshit"

1: "Yes"

The Happy Marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.<...

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Happiness is someone laughing at a rude word.

"Ha Penis"

Money can't buy you happiness

Well check this out, i just brought a happy meal

They say you can't buy happiness,

But between you and me, I know a guy.
Of course, he calls it ecstasy, but it's the same stuff.

When my daughter Ria turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said:

Euphoria

"Happiness is just around the corner,

too bad the world is round."

True happiness

Three men, an American, a Frenchman and a (Soviet) Russian are having a chat about real happiness.

The American says, "I will tell you what real happiness is. It is a loving wife, well behaved kids and a steady job with good pay so I can afford a nice house, a big car and a big television to...

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but..

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

They say money can't buy happiness…

But tell me, have you ever seen a sad man in a Ferrari?

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