Money cant buy you happiness.

But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants....

I haven't experienced it since I was eight.

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A sex therapist decides to test out the theory that more frequent sex leads to more happiness

So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?”
A third of the people in the room raise their hands, each of them grinning widely, big smiles. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Onc...

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When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

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Happiness is like a dick

It enlarges when shared.

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A few days ago, my friend compared me to a Happy Meal, Her reasoning was that i'm cute and a bundle of happiness.

I thought that that was interesting, because I also cum with a toy.

Dan always used to say"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married.

Then it was too late.

Money can't buy you happiness

But it can buy you happy ending

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness.

Has never paid for a divorce before.

A man doesn't know what true happiness is until he's married....

And then it's too late.

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

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The Discovery of happiness

(English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammat mistakes xP)

A scientist, after many years of study managed to mathematically prove that having regular sex is the key to happiness. So, he decides to set up a conference, in which many people curious of his...

After five years of living in utter despair, a young man finally found the key to lifelong happiness.

It was Prozac.

Some people create happiness wherever they go.

Others, whenever they go.

Money doesn't buy happiness

But I would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle

My Friend: Find Happiness in small things.

Me: Sounds something your wife might say.

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

A lady is walking to the store when the sees the most beautiful garden shes ever seen....

She askes the man wattering his garden

"Excuse me sir, how do you get such red tomatoes?"

"Well" he said, "it's a bit embarrassing, but every morning I get up and come outside in just my robe and flash my tomatoes. Then the tomatoes blush and turn redder! You should try it sometime!"...

If the Swan represents happiness, then what bird symbolizes true love?

The Swallow.

(This is my third anniversary posting this joke on a time line near Valentines. My yearly repost if you will)

If you're unhappy when single, you won't be happy in a relationship.

Happiness come from DRUGS not relationships.

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The King had a promiscuous wife...

He did not trust her with his life, but custom dictated that he remained with her until the end of time.
One day came a call for war. The king and his soldiers suited up to face the enemy, but there remained one thing he had to do. To ensure that the queen wouldn't go whoring about in his absenc...

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