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Plays Jokes

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

David: *plays secret chord*

The Lord: Nice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple announced a breast implant that plays music...

The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them.

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun plays golf and takes the Lord's name in vain

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the Day you spent with your family?"


"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with ...

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It’s a huge act, man..

A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast

**A young man with a few hours** to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the youn...

Never date a girl that plays tennis

They may be athletic, but love means nothing to them.

Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games.

He knows how to properly use the Royal Wii.

When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady...

Literally. He can’t catch.

A horse plays cricket

I heard this a while ago on BBC America, so it's paraphrased a bit:

----

A horse is in his field, watching a cricket match over the fence.

He calls out to the captain, and asks if he could play as well. The skipper says, "Why not? Might be fun," and gives the horse a bat as it w...

Chuck Norris plays a very important role in star wars

he's the force.

How can you tell if someone plays Wordle?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.

A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation.

"The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.

"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles"

A woman 14 days into her menstrual cycle starred in a Broadway play

She got a standing ovulation

I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

Apparently Mike Tyson has a tiger that he regularly plays with

That’s really irresponsible. He shouldn’t be messing with wild beasts of nature like that. I know he thinks he’s nice and won’t bite, but Mike Tyson has shown signs of aggression before

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

What's orange and plays the guitar really well?

Fantana

I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team.

He's the pitcher.

A british person plays chess with an american,

The british person always wins. Why?


Their queen never dies.

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!

Why doesn't Lincoln like theater plays?

Because the last one he saw blew his mind.

You know, absinthe plays a huge part in the origin of what we now call bachelor parties.

It was a tradition for a man's friends to take him to an upscale bar just before his wedding and order him a glass or two of the ol' green fairy. If he truly loved his fiancee and was ready for the match, it was a fun night away from her with friends, celebrating his love. If he was having doubts, i...

What sound plays when you hit something with a pig?

*boink*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father is a fisherman, Mother crochets. Son plays rugby and Daughter is a prostitute. What do they have in common?

All are hookers.

How do you tell who at the playground plays the trombone?

They can't swing and are always complaining about the slide

What was the name of the mission to revive the production of dramatic medical plays?

Operation Theatre

What does the actor who plays Bucky Barnes have in commom with his overzealous supporters?

They're all Sebastian stans.

3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?

Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.

A young lady plays golf

One day a young woman had just started playing her round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."


He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.


They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."


She's there at 6:30 am. sharp ...

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

My family plays a lot of games during family game night, but one game never gets mentioned.

We don't talk about Uno.

Do you know why Elton John plays the piano?

Because he sucks on the organ

My wife and I make love doggy style...

I sit up and beg, she lies down and plays dead.

Jeffrey Epstein plays mmo for...

Sui side quests.

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