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Petting Zoo Jokes

Heavy Petting Zoo

Wife comes home to hearing disturbing squealing noises from the upstairs bedroom. She hesitates for a minute as her mind jumps to the very worst horrific possibility of her already shattered excuse of a marriage; then proceeds to venture up the stairs closer and closer to the sloppy wet splashing an...

A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.

He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.

What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA?

A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo

I can't believe that I got kicked out of the petting zoo for being sick

I was only feeling a little horse

I went to a children's petting zoo once.

So many angry parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you keep peacocks in a petting zoo

You’ve got to expect some fowl-play.

At the school petting zoo, the animals all give different things.

The sheep’s give wool to make blankets,

The pigs give therapy for the disabled kids,

And the fat cow gives out homework.

Did you hear about that one animal who was blamed for freeing all his friends at the petting zoo?

He was an escapegoat

Gave a sales pitch at a petting zoo today

They were eating out the palm of my hand

So I'm not allowed near petting zoos...

.. Or as I prefer to call them, heavy petting zoos.

My son fed half of the petting zoo.

That was the best way to dispose of the body.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle was caught having sex with sheep at a petting zoo and he just escaped from prison.

Now he’s on the lam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the man with a cold who went to a miniature petting zoo?

He was feeling a little hoarse.

I really love animals.

Unfortunately, I’m no longer allowed within 500 feet of a petting zoo… or a taxidermist.

Day trip

Police officer on patrol saw a man driving in a rural area with a goat in the front seat. He pulled the guy over and asked what he was doing driving around with a goat in the front seat? "I saw him wandering around so I stopped to pick him up so he wouldn't get hit by a car. Now I'm driving aroun...

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and trie...

Physics joke

A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. They come up on this animal and of course the physicist asks his son what it is. The son says "Daddy thats a rooster!", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda".

Did you know that a Siberian Tiger can absolutely devour a 7-year-old girl in just about 45 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the petting zoo, today...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my teacher "what dat ass do?"

She sighed heavily and said,

Donkeys work as pack animals, in vineyards, agriculture, and petting zoos. They can carry equipment and supplies for day trips or overnight camping expeditions.

Furthermore, some pull carts or plow small fields for farmers. In many countries, donkeys are ...

My Favorite Format Of Joke...

My favorite joke format follows: "All <object> are <subset of object> if you're <some characteristic>"

Example: "All Zoos are Petting Zoos if you're brave enough."

Is there a list of these? What are some of your favorites?

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