Petting Jokes - 13 Hilarious Petting Jokes

Chuck Norris was petting a tiger.

Suddenly the tiger began to utter a soft growl. The trainer said, "get up slowly and back away." So, the tiger did.

Saw a clip of Chuck Norris telling this himself.

Me: petting a dog Aww! He probably smells my dog!

Police: He's been trained to only react to the smell of drugs.

Me: *sigh* Yeah... my dog has a real problem.

A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.

He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.

I was petting a three legged cat the other day and it's owner came outside

I asked if the cat was for sale

He said he'd give me 25% off

What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA?

A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo

I can't believe that I got kicked out of the petting zoo for being sick

I was only feeling a little horse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys walk past a dog that is licking his balls

One man says, "I wish I could do that". The other guy says, "Maybe you should try petting him first".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone loves petting a dog when they're sad

But you ask one crying girl to scratch your for you and suddenly you're the bad guy.

I went to a children's petting zoo once.

So many angry parents.

At the school petting zoo, the animals all give different things.

The sheep’s give wool to make blankets,

The pigs give therapy for the disabled kids,

And the fat cow gives out homework.

Did you hear about that one animal who was blamed for freeing all his friends at the petting zoo?

He was an escapegoat

Gave a sales pitch at a petting zoo today

They were eating out the palm of my hand

My son fed half of the petting zoo.

That was the best way to dispose of the body.

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