The 67+ Best Pony Jokes

My dauther wants a pony for christmas.

Well, usually we have duck for dinner, but this will be something new!

A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "A...

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The Optimist and the Pessimist.

Once, a family had two young boys. One was an eternal optimist, finding good in everything, even terrible things. The other was a pessimist who could find no joy in the world at all.

The parents, despairing of their boys ever leading healthy, fruitful lives, sought out a psychologist for he...

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Laryngitis

Did you hear about the pony with a touch of laryngitis. He was a little hoarse.

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"

\- Alissa (24 years old) panics, jumps up from bed, and runs into bathroom

\- Manuel (25) needs new tires for his car

\-Lara (27) now has *no* pony-tail

\- Ben (28) holds his covid-mask to his face in the bus

\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

What do you do when there's a deer next to you, a lion is chasing you, and a pony flees from you?

Exit the carousel and avoid further alcohol.

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What did the pony say to its mother when it got sick?

“I’m just a little hoarse”

A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games.

In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wr...

How do you get a bear out of a cheese shop?

Come on, bear!

How do you hide a horse in a cheese shop?
Mask a pony

What do you call an arrogant pony on drugs

A high horse

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A pony goes into a pharmacy and asks for some throat lozenges.

The pharmacist asks, "Do you have a cold?".

The pony replies, "No. I'm just a little hoarse."

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse.

A horse walks into a bar

And the bartender asked "why the long face?"

The horse said, well, it has been a really bad day. Around 10 years ago, I married a pony, the absolute love of my life. She just passed away at the hospital from throat cancer. I'm on my way back home and I just came in for a few drinks to ease th...

When Karl Marx was a young philosophy student, he took it upon himself to travel across the country to see the wide world and learn all that he could to develop his theories.

Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.

A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ...

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A pony walks into a bar.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have one whiskey, please." the pony whispered softly.

The bartender says, "Sure, but why are you speaking so quietly?"

"I'm a little hoarse."

A man rides a pony into a bar

A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says “Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!”

The bartender, taken aback, says “Sir! You can’t ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!”<...

A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.

He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?"

"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.

"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.

He extends...

Cough, Rough, Though, Through.

Why don't these words rhyme, yet pony and bologna do?

What did the talking pony who had laryngitis and didn't understand humor say to the doctor?

I'm having a hard time speaking clearly.

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Sparrows

One late Fall morning at sunrise three tiny sparrows sat on a telephone wire overlooking a country road. The freezing wind blew, the wire swayed uncomfortably, and the tiny birds were cold, hungry, and pathetic.

As the sun rose, a pony clip-clopped along the road below and dropped huge pile ...

My barber interrupted my horse story...

...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale

A man sees the doctor with a pony in his hands.

"Hey doc, I'm feeling a little horse today...."

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The Pilot

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today
and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the inte...

How the grandkids view us old folks (Long)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lips...

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A man and his husband...

Were talking one evening over dinner when the more effeminate one expressed he was feeling a bit down in the dumps. The husband enquired as to what was happening...

Twink: “Well, I’m not feeling very ‘manly’ lately”.

Bear: “Oh hun, you are you and I love you, but why?”

Twink: si...

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Guys, did you know that I have a shetland pony who can sing?! I was going to record and share a video the other day but...

...he was a little hoarse.

I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet....

After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....

A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him “why the long face?”

I didn’t make it into the men’s choir.

Well, you are a little horse.

My daughter wants a pony for Christmas

I think a traditional turkey would taste better but it's her choice.

A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...

And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."

Did you know Helen Keller had a pony?

Neither did she.

What do you get when you mix human DNA with pony DNA?

Apparently you get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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NSFW So this girl finishes giving a well-hung man a very rigorous blow-job.

... Her jaw aches, her eyes are watery, and her throat hurts. But she thought it would all be worth it, yet the guy just zips up & starts to walk away. "Hey!" She says, her voice still a little raspy from the deed. "You said if I gave you head you'd buy me a pony!"

"No," he replie...

For my cake day, I want to share a joke I've never seen here: A man is walking through the desert. [Long]

He comes across a town and realises he could get a horse. He walks up to the horse salesperson and asks for a horse. The salesperson says "Sorry just sold the last one, but you can check down the street. The other guy might have some left!"

So he goes there and again, asks for a horse. Unfort...

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."

The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.

She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

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I named my penis pony...

..because it's the smaller version of what you really wanted and you only get a ride if you're under 12.

They find two 5-year olds, an optimist and a pessimist, and decide to do an experiment

They put the pessimist in a room full of the latest toys and gadgets, and tell him he can do whatever he wants. Then they close the door. They put the optimist in a room full of horse manure and tell him he has to stay there. Then they close the door.

After an hour they open the door on the p...

Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote

Pony tells Coyote: "I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?"

Coyote: "Why can't you yell at him yourself?"

Pony replies: "Because I'm a little horse."

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Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

Tommy at the rodeo

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever...

Once upon a time three guys went hiking

By nightfall they ran out of food they all notice that there's one slice of bologna left, so they all decided go to sleep for the night and whoever wakes up the next morning with the best dream will get the last slice of bologna.

The next morning came and all the guys woke up, so the first g...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

I’ve spent the past few days pretending to be a Shetland pony, but I think I’m losing my voice.

I’m currently a little horse.

I listened to a cover of "Pony" the other day.

It was good and all, but it just wasn't Genuwine.

I bought a My Little Pony T-shirt the other day.

Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all.

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A traveling salesman is passing through a small town.

He sees a sign for a circus. At the bottom it says “See the amazing Goldstein”. He has some time to kill, so he figures what the hell and stops in. It’s the usual dog and pony show until the very end, when there’s a drum roll, the lights go out, and a single spot shows a table in the center ring w...

Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"...

Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"

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A pony walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says "hey buddy, why the long face?"

The pony looks up, blinking through tears and sort of whispers/croaks "my wife left me."

The bartender has a difficult time understanding the pony, who has obviously lost his voice, probably from crying so much and asks th...

What do you get when you cross Iron Man with Spiderman?

Pony Park

A pony just won my town's battle of the bands.

He was a rockin' horse.

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The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn... [NSFW]

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn. They break down the barn door, and find a young couple with a sleepy-looking Shetland pony. With one hand, the woman is holding a huge bong and blowing marijuana smoke in the pony's face. With her other hand, she is vigorously stroking...

A pessimist and an optimist

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist and the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a...

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Russians search for My Little Pony porn 427% more than the worldwide average.

In Soviet Russia pony ride you.

So this cowboy buys a new horse...

As he's saddling him up to leave the ranch, the previous owner tells him, "There's only one thing different about this here horse. He was raised by a preacher since he was a pony. If you want him to stop, you say Amen. If you want him to go, you say praise the Lord."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" the c...

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"The Bar Challenge"

A man walks into a bar, there are several $100 bills taped to the cabinet. After a few drinks, he asks the bartender about the bills.

"Those? That's our Bar Challenge. You pony up $100, complete 3 tasks, and all the money is yours."

The man asks, "What are the 3 tasks?"

"Well...

A pony walks into a restaurant and finds a seat.

A pony walks into a restaurant and finds a seat. The waitress comes up and brings some complimentary bread and takes his drink order.

"I'll just have a water for now," says the pony.

A few moments later the waitress comes back with the water and sees that the pony had already eaten al...

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Yankee Doodle can use other names too

Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'

Adolf Hitler went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'

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So, a guy walks around and happens upon an enormous pile of...

...manure. Just yuuuge. And as he was about to walk around, he spots a little girl. About six or seven, with a shovel firmly in her hands, determined and serious look on her face, a little bow on her hair, poor kid's dirty and smelly, and standing off on one side of the pile and digging. Zealously. ...

A pony walks into a bar

Says to the bartender “Let me get one Apple martini”

bartender leans in closer and says “what?”

Pony says “one. Apple martini, please”.

Bartender asks, “something about a Bikini?”

Pony starts to get a little frustrated but manages to say a little louder now “ONE APPLE...

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Something about an optimist and a pessimist. I couldn't think of a good title for this one.

Once upon a time, there was a mom and dad that had two children.
One of them was an optimist, the other a pessimist. Wanting to
understand why the two children were so different, they consulted
a psychiatrist, who set up an experiment to help figure it out.

The psychiatrist led the...

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"...there must be a pony somewhere!"

One Christmas, a father hoped to give his young son the best Christmas yet.

He decided to buy every game and toy you could imagine and put them all in a room. He left the boy in the room for about an hour and came back to see his son, sitting in the corner, crying.

The father asked, ...

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Equine Choir

I went to see the Equine Choir perform last night, they sounded amazing! Well, except for the Shetland Pony, he was a little hoarse.

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You know you've hit rock bottom when...

It's better to tell your wife you're watching porn then watching my little pony...

Little Susie spent the summer holidays on a pony farm in the Cotswolds

Back home, she asked,

"We all live together just like the animals, don't we, Mummy?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"So I'm just like a little foal?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"And you, Mummy, you're practically the beautiful mare?"

...

A little boy and a little girl were walking home from school...

The little boy says to the little girl, "This weekend, my dad's gonna take me to ride a horse!"

The little girl says, "Oh, I have my own pony."

They walk a little further.

The little boy again pipes up, "Next weekend, my dad's taking me to a baseball game!"

The little gir...

A pony recently got to work as a teacher,

But 1 day before school starts he got a cold. Naturally he couldn't talk as loud as usual so the next day he comes into the class and says: "Good morning! Sorry if I'm being a bit quiet, I'm just a little horse."

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