UPJOKE
horsefoalmustangstallionracehorsewelsh ponyshetland ponymaremuledonkeysaddlehandequestrianismequustrot

My dauther wants a pony for christmas.

Well, usually we have duck for dinner, but this will be something new!

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little hoarse.

Why did the rancher name his Shetland Pony Laryngitis?

Because he was a little horse.

Joke Request: Any Kid Friendly Pony Themed Knock Knock Jokes?

Hey r/Jokes,



My 2 year old daughter recently learned about knock knock jokes and she LOVES them! However, she keeps adamantly asking for a good knock knock joke about ponies, but I can't find any anywhere. Can anyone help me find a good kid friendly knock knock joke about ponies? I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony walks into a bar.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have one whiskey, please." the pony whispered softly.

The bartender says, "Sure, but why are you speaking so quietly?"


"I'm a little hoarse."

What do you call an arrogant pony on drugs

A high horse

A man rides a pony into a bar

A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says “Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!”

The bartender, taken aback, says “Sir! You can’t ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!”<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony goes into a pharmacy and asks for some throat lozenges.



The pharmacist asks, "Do you have a cold?".

The pony replies, "No. I'm just a little hoarse."

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse.

What do you do when there's a deer next to you, a lion is chasing you, and a pony flees from you?

Exit the carousel and avoid further alcohol.

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"

\- Alissa (24 years old) panics, jumps up from bed, and runs into bathroom

\- Manuel (25) needs new tires for his car

\-Lara (27) now has *no* pony-tail

\- Ben (28) holds his covid-mask to his face in the bus

\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

A man sees the doctor with a pony in his hands.

"Hey doc, I'm feeling a little horse today...."

My daughter wants a pony for Christmas

I think a traditional turkey would taste better but it's her choice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Shetland pony want a drink?

Because it was sounding a little hoarse

A woman goes on a business trip overseas, leaving her husband behind to look after the house and kids.

After a few days she calls up to see how everything is.

"Everything's fine" he says. "The kids are finally sleeping OK without you here, and my boss has given me an extra week off until you're back. Oh! I forgot to say, the cat's dead! She was hit by a car!"

"What!?" Says the wife. "A...

A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.

He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?"

"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.

"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.

He extends...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my penis pony...

..because it's the smaller version of what you really wanted and you only get a ride if you're under 12.

Did you know Helen Keller had a pony?

Neither did she.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says "hey buddy, why the long face?"

The pony looks up, blinking through tears and sort of whispers/croaks "my wife left me."

The bartender has a difficult time understanding the pony, who has obviously lost his voice, probably from crying so much and asks th...

A bear and a pony walked onto the stage at a convention...

And the pony went up to the microphone and said, "Bear with me, I'm a little horse."

What did the talking pony who had laryngitis and didn't understand humor say to the doctor?

I'm having a hard time speaking clearly.

Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote

Pony tells Coyote: "I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?"

Coyote: "Why can't you yell at him yourself?"

Pony replies: "Because I'm a little horse."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony walks into a bar

He orders a drink.

"I can barely hear you," complains the bartender. "Can you speak up?"

"Sorry," the pony replies. "I'm a little hoarse."

What do you get when you mix human DNA with pony DNA?

Apparently you get kicked out of the petting zoo.

A pony walks into a bar

Says to the bartender “Let me get one Apple martini”

bartender leans in closer and says “what?”

Pony says “one. Apple martini, please”.

Bartender asks, “something about a Bikini?”

Pony starts to get a little frustrated but manages to say a little louder now “ONE APPLE...

The incredible singing pony

A man goes inside a bar because outside there's a sign about "The Incredible Singing Pony!" He orders a drink and asks the bartender about the Incredible Singing Pony. The bartender points to a dimly lit corner and there stands, in a top hat and monacle, with a microphone stand in front, a pony. The...

What do you call a pony that sleeps around

A whorse

A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him “why the long face?”

I didn’t make it into the men’s choir.

Well, you are a little horse.

I listened to a cover of "Pony" the other day.

It was good and all, but it just wasn't Genuwine.

I bought a My Little Pony T-shirt the other day.

Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"...there must be a pony somewhere!"

One Christmas, a father hoped to give his young son the best Christmas yet.

He decided to buy every game and toy you could imagine and put them all in a room. He left the boy in the room for about an hour and came back to see his son, sitting in the corner, crying.

The father asked, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony walks into a bar...

A pony walks into a bar, and is stared at by the bartender and patrons. He makes his way up to the bar, and in a raspy voice asks the bartender for a glass of water. He quickly downs the glass, clears his throat, and says, "you'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pony walks into a bar

He whispers to the bartender 'can I get a pint of bud please'

The bartender replies 'sorry man, you're going to have to speak up'

The pony whispers again 'can I get a pint of bud please'

The bartender a little annoyed replies 'listen man, you're going to have to speak up I can't...

A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games.

In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russians search for My Little Pony porn 427% more than the worldwide average.

In Soviet Russia pony ride you.

Little Susie spent the summer holidays on a pony farm in the Cotswolds

Back home, she asked,

"We all live together just like the animals, don't we, Mummy?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"So I'm just like a little foal?"

"Yes, dear. You could put it like that."

"And you, Mummy, you're practically the beautiful mare?"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys, did you know that I have a shetland pony who can sing?! I was going to record and share a video the other day but...

...he was a little hoarse.

I’ve spent the past few days pretending to be a Shetland pony, but I think I’m losing my voice.

I’m currently a little horse.

How do you get a bear out of a cheese shop?

Come on, bear!

How do you hide a horse in a cheese shop?
Mask a pony

A pony recently got to work as a teacher,

But 1 day before school starts he got a cold. Naturally he couldn't talk as loud as usual so the next day he comes into the class and says: "Good morning! Sorry if I'm being a bit quiet, I'm just a little horse."

A man walks into a bar leading a pony on a harness...

Bartender says to the man "You can't bring that pony in here."

Man replies, "This is a special pony. He pays for all my drinks. See, I bet you, the bartender, that my pony can recite every letter of the alphabet after each shot of whiskey he drinks. You won't believe me, so you take that bet....

Cough, Rough, Though, Through.

Why don't these words rhyme, yet pony and bologna do?

For my cake day, I want to share a joke I've never seen here: A man is walking through the desert. [Long]

He comes across a town and realises he could get a horse. He walks up to the horse salesperson and asks for a horse. The salesperson says "Sorry just sold the last one, but you can check down the street. The other guy might have some left!"

So he goes there and again, asks for a horse. Unfort...

A horse walks into a bar

And the bartender asked "why the long face?"

The horse said, well, it has been a really bad day. Around 10 years ago, I married a pony, the absolute love of my life. She just passed away at the hospital from throat cancer. I'm on my way back home and I just came in for a few drinks to ease th...

My barber interrupted my horse story...

...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Optimist and the Pessimist.

Once, a family had two young boys. One was an eternal optimist, finding good in everything, even terrible things. The other was a pessimist who could find no joy in the world at all.

The parents, despairing of their boys ever leading healthy, fruitful lives, sought out a psychologist for he...

I forgot one of my daughter's birthday presents in the closet....

After six weeks, that pony really began to reek....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn... [NSFW]

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn. They break down the barn door, and find a young couple with a sleepy-looking Shetland pony. With one hand, the woman is holding a huge bong and blowing marijuana smoke in the pony's face. With her other hand, she is vigorously stroking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calling your hair that's pulled back a 'ponytail'

Makes it a pony ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yankee Doodle can use other names too

Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'

Adolf Hitler went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be a pimp for a horse, but she only got paid for sex one time.

She was a real one trick pony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW So this girl finishes giving a well-hung man a very rigorous blow-job.

... Her jaw aches, her eyes are watery, and her throat hurts. But she thought it would all be worth it, yet the guy just zips up & starts to walk away. "Hey!" She says, her voice still a little raspy from the deed. "You said if I gave you head you'd buy me a pony!"

"No," he replie...

They find two 5-year olds, an optimist and a pessimist, and decide to do an experiment

They put the pessimist in a room full of the latest toys and gadgets, and tell him he can do whatever he wants. Then they close the door. They put the optimist in a room full of horse manure and tell him he has to stay there. Then they close the door.

After an hour they open the door on the p...

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

What do you get when you cross Iron Man with Spiderman?

Pony Park

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.