Elk Jokes - 38 Hilarious Elk Jokes

I saw some leeches on a running elk.

They were hanging on for deer life.

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

Why did the elk cry at the funeral?

He had lost a deer friend

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

What part of the brain regulates elk-like behaviour?

The hypothalamoose.

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What is the difference between Lawrence Welk and an elk?

With an elk the horns are in the front, and the asshole is in the rear.

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

*Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

A herd of elk charged an unsuspecting group of tourists

They don't take cash

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An old woman was watching the news while waiting for her husband to return from the Elk's club

A breaking news story came on about a car driving the wrong away on the interstate.
Being worked for her husband's safety she called him.

"Bill I hope I haven't caught you too late," she said. "The news is reporting a car driving the wrong way down the interstate you use to come home. You ...

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The three hunters story

This is a joke my grandfather used to tell. He just passed away so I thought I'd share it here.

Three friends decided to take a hunting trip. The first friend was a genius and succeeded at everything he tried. The second friend was an average Joe and got through life just fine. The third fri...

When you're writing a letter to Heaven about how shocked you are that there is a new elk deity

Dear God,

Dear God...

Deer God.

Flight

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said "...

The big game hunter

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he ...

Two men were wandering through a forest and found some tracks

One of them thought they were deer tracks, the other thought they were elk tracks. They were still arguing about it when the train ran them over.

I've been training as a sculptor for months but I'm not very good at it. Just the other day I made an Elk from limestone which I thought was good, but my art teacher Mr Watson couldn't work out what it was.

I said to him surely he could see it was sedimentary, my deer, Watson.

Trump and Pence go hunting.

As they're walking through the woods, they see an elk foraging on leaves.

"Hey look, an elk" says Pence.

"Fake moose" says Trump.

Joke from an old man

Typical day at my gas station, I tell some jokes, give some wives tales, and, One night, I tell my usual fib to an old man,
'Did you know, We call dollars, Bucks, because yhere used to be a buck on the one dollar bill!?'
He then chuckles and replies,
'You ever heard of the elks lodge?'...

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal ...

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A Native American boy and his cheif are sitting in a teepee together.

The boy asks the chief, "How did my mother get her name?"

The chief replies, "Well, that is a good question. Women give birth in this very teepee, and I name them what I see outside the teepee at the moment of birth. Your mother, RunningDeer, was named because when I looked outside, I saw a d...

In The Woods.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were walking through the woods one night when they happened upon some tracks.

"I think they're moose tracks!", said the blonde.

"No, they're deer tracks!", said the brunette.

"Nuh uh, these are elk tracks!", chirped the redhead.

......

3 blondes were walking on a path

They came across a set of tracks and were debating about what animal they were from.

Blonde 1: These are definitely deer tracks.

Blonde 2: They are not. These are clearly elk tracks.

Blonde 3: Both of you are blind. These are obviously moose tracks.

That’s when the train ...

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A New Yorker goes hunting in the Alps...

... he’s never hunted in his life, so he gets a local guide to show him.

The guide explains “Is very easy, up the mountain, Pierre will make the sound of an elk in heat, the elk will come out of his cave, you point the shotgun at it and shoot. Got it?”

“Yeah yeah, this’ll be easy” say...

A wolf is walking through the forest...

A wolf is walking through the forest and sees a beaver.

"Come here" he says.

The Beaver comes over and the wolf, looking at a list in his hand, says "Ah here you are. Mr. Beaver. You'll come to the big field tomorrow at 8am and I'll eat you for breakfast. Any questions?"

"No" sa...

Follow the tracks

3 guys went on a hunting trip.

The first guy went out hunting and came back later with a deer. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. The first guy answers "I followed the tracks, followed the tracks, followed the tracks, and boom... I got a deer."

The second guy went out hunting...

Queen Victoria died and went to heaven.

When she got there, she was informed that she would be reincarnated. However, she could choose which animal.

"One has always thought reindeers are majestic." She said.
So sure enough, a moment later she found herself in the form of a reindeer.

Grazing happily in the England's green ...

Have you heard of this new zombie like disease, stricking moses and deers? Hollywood is already on it.

Nightmare on elk street.

A conversation with my 7 year old brother.

"Look at all of these beautiful horse"

"Horses"

"Horse is already plural, isn't it?"

"You're thinking of elk"

"Holy mooses, you're right"

There were three Indian squaws

One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the...

Three Squaws Were Each Preparing For The Birth Of Their First Child.

Three squaws were each preparing for the birth of their first child. The
first squaw placed a large bear hide by a river, the second squaw placed
an elk hide by a tree by a river, and the third squaw placed a
hippopotamus hide by a path, near the river and the tree so that the
three form...

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A fur trapper walks into a bar

A fur trapper walks into a small town bar. He tells the guys at the bar "I bet you a drink that I can identify any animal pelt, and what it was killed with, by touch alone." Amused, one man went out to his truck and got a pelt out. The trapper was blindfolded and handed the pelt. "Ah, gray squirrel,...

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.

"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.

"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was...

A king outlawed hunting in his kingdom

Pretty soon, deer and elk populations were out of control, eating the commoners' crops and becoming a general nuisance. The people revolted and overthrew the king, thus making it the first time in history a reign had been called on account of game.

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Native American Baby Naming

A wise man and his grandson are sitting at the fire...

"So, we look outside of the tent and name the child after the first thing we see" said the old chief.
"First came your Sister, Little Deer"
" Then my brother, Running Elk?"
" Yes- Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

2 men go hunting in the bush

As they were stalking an elk, a snake bit the first man. The second man freaked out and shot the snake. He then proceeded to call 000.

"000, what's your emergency?"

"Help! A snake bit my friend and I think he's dead!"

"Ok, we need to be sure if he's dead. Can you do that for me?...

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Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

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Seasoned hunter

A group of young men who are on a hunting trip stop at the lodge. They hang out at the bar, drinking beer and talking.

Suddenly an older hunter walks in and the patrons fall silent. Everyone stares at the man as he walks up to the bar, sits down and orders whiskey. The silence in the room is ...

A hunter walks into a bar

A hunter walks into a bar and says, "I'm the best hunter there ever was. You hand me a hide, I'll tell you what animal it came from, what killed it, and I'll do it blindfolded."
The bartender blindfolds him and hands him an animal skin. He handles it for a few minutes, and then he says, "Bear."...

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