One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction

Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.

I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark...

But I couldn’t see the point.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

Why did Shakespeare only write using pens?

Because pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep reading pencils as penis

Guess I'm dickslexic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania

Pencils that aren't sharpened are ...

Pointless.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils?

Broken

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

Why did the pilot turn his plane into pens, pencils and a ruler?

Because to refuel it needed to be stationery.

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

I've been using up the ink in all the pens and all the lead in our pencils.

Makes my daughter's Christmas wish list much shorter.

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

I would make a joke about pencils...

But I dont want to

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

Choosing pencils is impossible for me, I'm always confused with the amount of blackness I need.

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

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