Pencils Jokes - 36 Hilarious Pencils Jokes

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

Where do vampires get their pencils?

Pencilvania!

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction

Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b

Where do pencils live?

In Pennsylvania

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

I just realised without tips pencils would be

Pointless...

Why don't blind people sharpen pencils?

They don't see the point.

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.

When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."

"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.

"I do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep reading pencils as penis

Guess I'm dickslexic

What do you call two pencils fighting?

A grafight.

Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania

I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark...

But I couldn’t see the point.

Pencils

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because its pointless.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils?

Broken

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

There were too many pencils that they made a whole state.

It was named Pencilvania.

I hate colored pencils.

I'd rather dye than use them.

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

I only like using sharp pencils...

Otherwise they're pointless.

I had to get my blood drawn at the doctors office the other day

And the nurse didn’t even bring her colored pencils.

I just find that blunt pencils are so...

... pointless

I'll find my own way out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know trees poop?

Where do you think we get #2 pencils?

Why can’t pencils have babies?

Because they have rubbers on their end.

I've never understood why new pencils come unsharpened...

Seems pretty pointless to me.

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Out of the blue, my son asked me, “Dad, do trees poop?” After thinking for a bit, I answered, "Well, yes, yes they do."

“Where do you think number 2 pencils come from!?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.