UPJOKE
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Eraser Jokes

I named my eraser Confidence

Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

Why was the inmate given an eraser and white out?

Because his case was handled by the Department of Corrections.

I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends.

People say it’s pointless though.

As a kid, I once ate a Star Wars eraser...

It was a little Chewie.

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me...

My dad keeps throwing erasers at me and I finally snapped, "Why dad!" he replied "the first rubber I used didn't get rid of my mistake, maybe this one will"

I have the IQ of a pencil without an eraser

I create problems and make someone else clean them up

Why is the eraser sold separately from the pencil?

Because you have to pay for your mistakes.

I made a pencil with two erasers

It was pointless

I ordered a pen with an eraser on both sides

It was pointless

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

My dad bought an eraser that advertises as “erases big mistakes”

I’m sweating right now

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit d...

I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.

But I didn't see the point.

I was sitting on the couch when my mom came up to me and started rubbing me with an eraser...

I asked her what she was doing and she replied, "Well, aren't erasers for mistakes?"

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

The Pope & his crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

The TSA just announced they're banning erasers on flights.

They're capable of math destruction.

A guy sits on a plane and realizes he’s sitting beside The Pope.

He’s too intimidated to say anything but after awhile The Pope taps him on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me my son, but I’m doing a crossword puzzle and I’m stuck. The clue is ‘a 4 letter word that you can call a woman’ and it ends with U-N-T.”

The man sits for a minute, stumped until he exc...

Joe was doing a crossword puzzle in a train car.

the guy next to him and the two women behind her were also doing the same puzzle.

once, the guy asked him "whats a word ending with *k* and means intercourse?"

he replied "talk"

behind him, the woman asked "hey you got an eraser?"



later the guy asked "you know a w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The one guy is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.

“Need any help?”, says the guy on the aisle.

“Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in ‘unt’”.

“Aunt?”

“Wow! Thanks!”

“No problem. Anything else?”

“Um... you...

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A man waiting at the airport overhears some people mention that the Pope will be on board his flight

"the Pope!" He thought. "Getting to see or even meet him would be amazing!"

He boards rhe plane with everyone and luckily enough his seat is right next to his holiness himself.


The man is nervous and doesn't know what to say to him so he remains quiet and begins reading his book. ...

The Pope and a cardinal are on a long flight

To pass the time, the Pope is doing a crossword when he turns to the cardinal and asks:

"Cardinal, do you know a four letter word for an unpleasant woman? It ends with U-N-T?"

The cardinal immediately thinks of a word too foul for him to utter. After thinking for a couple minutes, the ...

We all wear him and tear him in pieces, puncture holes in it, tear apart his clothes, and still not be guilty.

I'm talking about an eraser.

Ever stop to think that

The eraser has been sacrificing its life slowly because of your mistakes?

A devout Catholic man has just boarded a plane, and he's really dreading the long flight ahead. All of a sudden, the pope boards and takes a seat right next to him! What an honor!

The man sits there, thinking about how best to conduct himself and what to say, when the pope takes out a golf pencil and starts doing a crossword puzzle. Wow, His Holiness does crossword puzzles? the man thinks. I hope he asks me for help. That'll be my in for a wonderful conversation!

Sure ...

Crossword

The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle at the Vatican. He turns to the Cardinal and asks, “What is a word for a woman that ends in ‘u-n-t’?”

The Cardinal says, “Aunt.”

The Pope says, “Got an eraser?”

A man was doing a crossword.

Stuck on a word, he asked his wife,
"What's a four letter word, ending in '-unt' , used for a woman?".

"Aunt" she replied.

"Good guess" , the husband replied "By the way, can you hand me an eraser?"

The Pope In The Airplane

The pope is in an airplane doing a crossword puzzle and this guy sitting next to him is totally taken aback with excitement. He thinks to himself "I'm pretty good at crosswords maybe he'll ask me to help him with one of the words."

Sure enough the pope turns to him and says "What is a four...

So a man gets on a plane...

...he finds his seat and realizes he's sitting none other than the pope. The man is Catholic and greets the pope with:

"His Holiness".

The pope welcomes him and then goes back to his crossword. The man is nervous, worrying about doing something to offend the leader of his religion. Ab...

I miss my students a lot...

The chalkboard eraser always ends up hitting the wall!

A man takes a seat on a plane next to, none other than, the Pope.

The whole flight the man sweats beads being so nervous having been sat next to his holiness.

The man is able to keep his calm and avoid an awkward conversation as the Pope focuses all of his attention on a crossword puzzle.

A couple hours into the flight the man hears his Holiness mu...

So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.

"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"

The Pope gets on an aeroplane and sits next to an Irishman

His cardinals sit behind him and the Irishman. The aeroplane gets high up in the air and the Pope takes out a crossword that he's been solving and gets stuck on one clue. The clue has three letters already filled.

*"14. A woman in your life."*

*"\_UNT"*

The Pope shows the clue t...

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A man went to the doctor but was embarrassed when he realised it was a female doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the doctor.

"I don't want to show you, you'll laugh" replied the man timidly.

The doctor tried her best to reassure the man. "I've been a doctor for twenty three years, never once have I laughed at a patient. I assure you, whatever the problem is, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes whe...

Dirty Ernie was in school and the teacher says “let’s do description and guessing, Tammy, reach in this bag and describe what you feel” Tammy reaches inside and says “ it’s round and

firm I think it’s a ball “ the teacher says “no! It’s an orange”Johnny comes up next and reaches in “ it’s rectangular and firm it’s an eraser!” Teacher goes no “It’s a granola bar” dirty Ernie stands up and goes “ teacher I’m reaching in my pocket abd felling something long hard with a firm pink ti...

A Mans walking in a cemetery and he hears this noise...

It sounded like someone was using a eraser. He walks towards a grave and it gets louder. So he digs up the casket and sees Mozart Erasing all of his music,and the man says "Mozart what are you doing!" Then Mozart says "I'm decomposing"

How do you know when a blonde's been at your computer?

There's white out on the screen.

Why white out?

'Cause the eraser didn't work.

I asked this girl in my class for a rubber...

forgot that in the U.S. they call it an eraser

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:

"A word, four across, ending with unt..."

The other man asks him:

"Well, what's the clue?"

He replie...

The only mistake I ever made...

Was buying a pencil with an eraser on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

His Holiness the Pope is an avid fan of crosswords, and one day he was struggling with one...

"I can't seem to get this last word to fit!" He complained to his aide.

"Have you checked the other cross words, your Holiness?"

"Yes, but it's only the one word, and it's a four letter word for a woman, that ends in 'unt'''

"A yes, aunt!" Said the aide.

Suddenly the Pope...

The Pope and one of the Cardinals were sitting around doing crossword puzzles.

The Pope says, "Can you think of a four-letter word meaning 'woman' that ends with the letters, U-N-T?"

The Cardinal thinks for a moment. "Why yes, father. That would be 'AUNT'"

The Pope laughs, "YES! Of course! ...ha ha ha..." (pause) "Got an eraser?"

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A man goes to see his gynecologist

"So, what seems to be the problem sir?" The doctor asks politely.

"Well, uh, there seems to be something wrong with my genitals..." he says awkwardly. "I want you to check up on me, but I'm embarrassed you'll laugh"

"Sir, I have been in the medical business for 15 years, and I have nev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

School Question

Mother: Why are you home from school so early?
Son: I was the only one who could answer a question.
Mother:Oh, really? What was the question?
Son: Who threw the eraser at the principal?

Crossword Puzzle Pope

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to...

Priest does a crossword puzzle

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.

Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"

The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

A physicist with an idea for research was asking the college board for funds.

The chairman responded: "Your proposal sounds really interesting, but it's way too expensive for this college. This is the problem we always have with physicists, they bring promising projects that we could never afford. I wish you were more like mathematicians. They come once every September asking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope is on an airplane

So this guy boards an airplane and finds himself sitting next too the Pope. Trying to not make a big deal out of it the guy takes his seat and minds his own business.

About 20 minutes into the flight the Pope takes out a crossword puzzle and begins working on it. As the flight progressed the...

Not a joke, but a very funny story

I will never forget this story my percussion teacher, who is from the UK, told us in band class back in 2003.

In America, everyone knows when we say rubbers, we mean condoms. Well apparently, the British refer to erasers as rubbers, for good reason because erasers are indeed rubbery. But that...

I miss my students a lot...

Over time, they've gotten really good at dodging the chalkboard erasers I throw at them.

A man was sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. Suddenly, the Pope turns to the man and asks, "My son, do you know a four letter word referring to a woman?"

The man, having just gotten out of a terrible relationship, could easily think of one, but he knew the Pope wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was relaxing on a long flight...

A man was relaxing on a long flight keeping to himself when he starts to get bored. He starts looking around the cabin and notices that he's sitting next to the Pope who's doing a crossword. He starts to think this will be an interesting story to tell his friends back home when he feels a tug at his...

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