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Clay Jokes

Getting all that clay off you would be annoying

If you were a harry potter.

Why did Aristotle believe men could mold themselves through their actions like clay?

His teacher was Plato.

What do you call a Sasquatch who loves working with clay?

A hairy potter.

If you pound chicken with a clay oven…

Does that tandoorize it?

I am tired of molding all these clay without any results..

I need a brick.

What is a Clay Sculptor's Favorite Song?

Kiln in the Name

what do you call a good poem about clay?

true pottery

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I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food...

When they find out they'll shit bricks.

So I just found a load of clay in my back yard...

Didn't know what to make of it.

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My Doctor said I might die because I ate clay.

I am shitting bricks to be honest.

What do you call a knight made out of clay?

Sir Amick

What do you get when you cross a dairy farmer with someone who moulds and fires clay?

A dairy potter.

A frog walked into a bank

..and sat down at the desk of a loan officer. She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.

"I'm looking to take out a personal loan of $5000," the frog said.

The loan officer stared at him skeptically. "Do you have anything to offer as collateral?"...

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An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

What do you call Muhammed Ali after he eats a lot of beans?

Gaseous Clay

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

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At the asylum

A Dr. Is doing the rounds in an insane asylum one night.

He walks into the first patient's room and sees him playing with modeling clay.
The Dr. asks him how he's doing.
The patient replies "Doc I'm molding with clay. It's therapy. I feel much better!"
The Dr. says "Good. You should...

I met a dyslexic girl that told me she was into poetry.

She made me the nicest clay flower pot.

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Did somebody say limerick? (NSFW)

There once was a man from Bombay

Who fashioned a cunt out of clay

But the heat of his prick

Turned it into a brick

And it chafed all his foreskin away.

________________________



(Can't take credit for that - I read it in a John Irving novel. *The Cide...

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Little Miss Muffett

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider who sat down beside her

And said, " 'Ey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"


-Andrew Dice Clay

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My buddy Norman was a great guy, but he was obsessive about power poles.

True story. My buddy Norman had mental issues.

He used to go around with a slingshot, shooting stones at the insulators on power poles. The police would pick him up, hold him overnight, then let him go in the morning. He would eventually find a new slingshot, then go right back to shooti...

[OC] What was Muhammad Ali’s flatulent brother’s name?

Gaseous Clay

I've been making pottery by hand all day and boy howdy am I sore

You could say I'm Clay Aiken

I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln.

It was gaseous clay

What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class?

Go ahead, bake my clay.

*walks away slowly*

A lady goes to the store to buy a hook

..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."

(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)

An Architect, a Doctor and a Lawyer are boasting about how smart their dogs are.

They finally agree that each will demonstrate their dog's prowess.

The architect calls his dog, puts some clay on the table and says, "Build
me a model of the Eiffel Towel." The dog does so and the architect throws
him a biscuit.

The doctor calls his dog and as he does he sees t...

3 artisans met on a boat

One was French, another one was Indian and the last one was Chinese.

One day on a long boring cruise, they decided to collaborate on a piece of art. All 3 agreed and the Indian started to work on a clay vase. Once it was done, the other 2 stared at it and complimented the Indian.

It ...

A cemetery superintendent was hoping to approve newly donated lands for internment

The Holy Cross Cemetery had received a surprise donation that would double the real estate of their current holdings, which were already overcrowded.

The lead undertaker, Arthur Falconer, was tasked by the superintendent with surveying the new land to plan how to layout the new headstones....

Scientists Watson and Crick take a break from their research...

The scientists Watson and Crick take a break from their research and take a vacation on their friend's farm. On their first day there, Watson and Crick take a walk around the farm. First, they notice pigs oinking like crazy when they realize the truck that takes them to market has pulled up. Next, t...

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My first job ...

When I was 15 I came home one day very excited, walked up to my father and said, "Hey dad! I just got a job!"

To which my father replies, "Congratulations son! How much does it pay?"

Confused, I respond, "Well, she charged me 50 bucks... If they're going to start paying me... Then I...

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How to break bad news like a boss

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Kent? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Kent, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that w...

A different game of thrones

Long ago a then famous reporter of the times traveled to a little known kingdom deep in the heart of Africa, accompanied by translators and bearers of course. It was not very technologically advanced, with no plumbing and clay and stray being the primary building materials.

Upon arrival he w...

A Man Buys several Acres in the Countryside

and hires a local contractor to build a fence around his new property.

The next day, the contractor arrives in his pickup with a small trailer of tools and materials to begin work on the fence.

The contractor begins digging the first hole with a shovel only to find the ground is mostl...

The 3 year old and the beggar

The beggar knocked on the door . A 3 year old boy came and opened the door for him. The beggar asked if he could have a glass of water. The 3 year old boy said , "wait" and then he went and got the water with the yogurt pot. ( you have to know , the place where I Iive sells yogurt with the a big sor...

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The mosquito that brings disease...

A village elder is brought a mosquito caught from a swarm. The townsfolks fear it may bring disease. So the elder says - "I will take this mosquito, and I will determine the aspects of the disease that it may bring." The elder rips up the mosquito into pieces. He places each one into a tiny square d...

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Three Guys Walk Into Bar [long]

Three men walk into a bar. Bartender looks each one up and down and says "I bet I can tell where each of yawl is from just by lookin at you, and if I'm wrong, I'll buy each of you a round of drinks." The men snicker among themselves and shake his hand, excited they're about to get their drink on for...

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Leprechaun joke

Guy's been at the bar for a while. Someone bought shots. He's ordered food. Then he tried a girl drink. No one is saying anything smart. Jagermeister has been discussed.

Now it's his fifth trip to the bathroom. He feels like he's been swallowing surgical sponges.

He's standing at the u...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

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