Walnuts Jokes

WALNUT JOKE - Two boys were walking home one day when they came upon this huge Walnut tree. One boy said, “Lets gather all the walnuts and then we’ll divide them between us.” So they gathered all the walnuts. They stuffed them down their shirts, down their pants, down their sox and even tied burlap ... read more

You can probably build a wal.

Walnuts are $2.95 Deer nuts are under a buck. :DD

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian"

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was ... read more

A young boy says to his mother, "Mommy, why would Daddy crack walnuts and feed them to Mrs. Gilroy?" The mother responded, "That's silly, Ryan. Why would you even ask a question like that?" Ryan said, "Because I heard Daddy telling Uncle Eric that he busted a nut in Mrs. Gilroy's mouth and that she ... read more

Old Doc Brown had a peculiar routine for the end of his workday. He would always stop at the bar on his walk home and slowly sip a walnut daiquiri. Like clockwork, 5 days a week for 20 years, Doc Brown would stroll in at 6pm, sit at the end of the bar, and drink his daiquiri.

Jack tended the ... read more

One day, Johnny and his friend Bobby walked into the cemetery. There were a lot of fallen walnuts from the walnut tree that they wanted to share. They started splitting them and Johnny said "One for you, one for me! One for you, one for me!"

At this time, a little boy was biking along the roa... read more

Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound simila... read more

he's a doctor and every day he comes to bill's bar at 18:30 on the dot to order his daiquiri with crushed walnuts. bill keeps a bag of walnuts under the bar ready for him. one day as bill sees the doctor enter his bar he reaches for a walnut but the bag is empty. he grabs some hickory nuts in stead ... read more

He orders a daiquiri, and the bartender serves him up. After finishing his drink, he compliments the bartender, saying, "that's the best daiquiri I've ever had!"

The next day, the doctor returns and orders another daiquiri, the bartender serves him, the doctor drinks it down and again complim... read more

Pistachios



What does the shepherd call the sheep he just sold? Cashews

What’s another name for a pearl necklace? Chestnut

What’s on the other side of a gloryhole? Walnuts

What was the peeping Tom doing? Pecan



Please help me fill out my nut pun reper... read more

This man was so lazy eventually his father has enough. He put him in a sack and dragged him down to the river and was about to throw him in when a passerby noticed. "What're you doing with this man?" He asked. "He's very lazy he doesn't do anything I've had it with taking care of him and feeding him... read more

Walnuts

Walnuts

You have a plan in your mind for your whole life, and then one day it's just gone, leaving you adrift. One day my best friend was gone. The woman I shared half my soul with. I could barely keep it together. I hate to admit, but I was useless in setting up the funeral. Her family did that, while mine... read more