This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on a tree? Tree nuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?

A dick in your mouth

How do you make a walnut laugh?

Crack it up!

What did the mother nut say to her son nut?

If I EVER cashew doing that again, I walnut be happy

If opening a walnut is busting a nut..

Make sure to swallow the seed!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I only just discovered that a 'walnut' is a food.

And isn't what you get when you stick your penis through a glory hole.

What crime does a careful walnut engage in?

Safe cracking

The Walnut Joke - Two boys were walking home one day when they came upon this huge walnut tree.

WALNUT JOKE - Two boys were walking home one day when they came upon this huge Walnut tree. One boy said, “Lets gather all the walnuts and then we’ll divide them between us.” So they gathered all the walnuts. They stuffed them down their shirts, down their pants, down their sox and even tied burlap ...

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and Banana are talking about what they look like

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

What's the difference between a Walnut and a Chickpea?

I've never had a Walnut on my chest..

What's the difference between a chestnut and a walnut?

Your aim.

Cracking walnuts

A young boy says to his mother, "Mommy, why would Daddy crack walnuts and feed them to Mrs. Gilroy?" The mother responded, "That's silly, Ryan. Why would you even ask a question like that?" Ryan said, "Because I heard Daddy telling Uncle Eric that he busted a nut in Mrs. Gilroy's mouth and that she ...

What kind of nuts does Donald Trump likes

Walnut

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was talking to his stepdaughter when the stepdaughter asked...

"What do you call nuts on the wall?"

The stepfather replied "well my dear that would be Walnuts."

The stepdaughter then asks "well what would nuts on your chest be called?"

The stepfather replies "well my dear those would be called chestnuts."

The stepdaughter finally ask...

What kind of trees are Trump supporters?

Walnuts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2 Guys are discussing different kinds of nuts

First guy asks his friend "what do you call Nuts on the wall?"

His mate replies "That's Easy, Walnuts!"

"Ok then, what do you call Nuts on your chest?"

Again the response is the same "That's Easy, Chestnuts!"

"Since you're so smart, what do you call Nuts on your chin?"...

Passing The Test

A young Lieutenant is sitting at a bar, a beautiful woman approaches him and offers to buy him a drink. They have a few drinks filled with pleasent conversation. Afterwards she invites him back to her apartment for some casual fun.

They get to the apartment and she says 'listen I don't let j...

A man walks into a Subway...

A man walks into a Subway and orders a meatball marinara, the worker then asks him
"Would you like a joke along with your meal today?"
To which the man replies
"I sure would"
The worker then leaves and comes back with a huge walnut, the man sighs of disappointment and takes the walnut, c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A colleague told me a nutty joke

Her: What do you have if you have two nuts on the wall?

Me: Walnuts?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts in wrapped in a dollar bill?

Me: Cashews..?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts on your chin?

Me: I dont know..

Her: Probably a d...

A traveling salesman is passing through a small town.

He sees a sign for a circus. At the bottom it says “See the amazing Goldstein”. He has some time to kill, so he figures what the hell and stops in. It’s the usual dog and pony show until the very end, when there’s a drum roll, the lights go out, and a single spot shows a table in the center ring w...

What's Trump's favorate kind of nut?

Walnuts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After years of work, a king had the world’s largest garden made

He had plants of every fruit in the garden and he was, of course, very proud of it. To boast his garden he announced that on the last day of the month, anybody who can bring a fruit that is not available in his garden will be granted gold in his/her weight. But, to discourage unnecessary claims he a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] The unbelievable Bob

A couple spend their honeymoon in a beautiful city and, during a walk, they go through a house of porno shows,
with a sign to announce:

"Today, the unbelievable Bob".

The couple decides to come in and the show begins with Bob, 39, in a bed with a blonde, a brunette and a ginger,
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Viking's Talent

A man sees a poster advertising a circus that says:

"World sensation: A viking cuts a walnut in half with his penis!"

He doesn't believe this, so he buys a ticket, goes to the show and there really is a viking who puts a walnut on the table, unzips his pants, pulls out his manhood ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Herschel the Magnificent Jew

A sign at the theatre says: "Tonight, Herschel the Magnificent Jew - 8 o' clock". So the fella decides to go take in the show. At 8 o' clock, Herschel comes out in a dressing gown, takes it off and he is stark naked from head to foot. In between his legs is the biggest member you have ever seen. Her...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My crazy wife

I came home from work today and couldn't find my wife. I called her name a few times and still no response. As I approached the bedroom, I heard her moaning. I kicked open the door to find her with a bag of walnuts. She was popping them into her vagina, one by one. I shouted at her, "Are you fuc...

A velociraptor on long island...

I made this up the other day. I don't have high hopes but what the hell:

One day a velociraptor moved to Long Island. He was sick of life in the jungle and decided to try new things. Walking down the street one day, the velociraptor noticed a 'Help Wanted' sign resting on a diner window. Thi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man named Phil takes a trip to a remote spanish country...

... and in this country, Phil is greeted with wonderful examples of fine spanish art, in a multitude of forms. One thing he finds incredibly interesting are the bullfights. The health and safety protocol of these events are surprisingly low, so often the matches between man and beast are fought to t...

A friend emailed me this joke. I hope it's not a recent repost! A travelling salesman is visiting a small town in southern Georgia, when...

...he spots a flyer on a telephone pole advertising a circus and carnival held by the locals for charity. But what REALLY catches his eye was the extra-large-type proclaiming:
“Don’t Miss the Amazing Perfesser!”

Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts.. animals, cl...