I was just eating cashews and one of them fell into my bra.

Is it still a cashew or is it a chestnut now?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw a junkie at Wal-Mart put his whole dick in a tube of Planter's Cashews

Dude was fucking nuts.

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What do cashews and prostitutes have in common?

It’s an expensive nut.

I'm releasing a new line of sleep aids featuring melatonin-infused almonds, cashews, and pistachios.

They're called Doze Nuts.

What do you call a mean cashew

Nutorious

So a peanut walks in on a cashew...

Nuts hanging out.

They call me the cashew police

I bust nuts

What did the cashew say to the peanut during an argument?......

Cashew outside.

A cashew called a peanut fat

the peanut felt insalted

Why did everyone look at the cashew?

Because it went nuts.

I’m sad to report I have a bad nut allergy

Every time I eat one, I let out a little cashew

What did the nut say to the other nut when he was chasing him?

Imma cashew

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Have you heard about the peanut rapist?

He's out there and he's fucking nuts! If you're not careful, he'll cashew.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil...

They're calling them Astro-nuts.

Every year for my birthday my mom spends a fortune on sending me a gourmet selection of high-quality cashews, pistachios, and almonds. Specially selected and seasoned, I Googled how much she's been spending on these gifts: around $1,000 each.

It's just nuts.

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I once met a guy with a cashew fetish.

He was fucking nuts.

How do you sum up a cashew?

In a nutshell!

Why did the nut work at the bank?

To cashew your cheque.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two cashews having sex?

Idk but it’s fucking nuts.

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I woke up with my dick in a jar of cashews

I've always loved cashews this....this is fucking nuts.

Two nuts chilling on a tree, one slipped and started to fall...

... The other one said “don’t worry bro, imma Cashew”

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A guy goes to his doctor and says...

"I need help. I can't resist the urge to put my penis into bowls of cashews."

The doctor says "You're fucking nuts!"

What do you call expensive shoes?

Cashews..

- My 9 yr old son.

What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

Walnut daiquiris

Old Doc Brown had a peculiar routine for the end of his workday. He would always stop at the bar on his walk home and slowly sip a walnut daiquiri. Like clockwork, 5 days a week for 20 years, Doc Brown would stroll in at 6pm, sit at the end of the bar, and drink his daiquiri.

Jack tended the ...

What did the aggressive walnut say to the group of peanuts?

You better hope I don’t cashew outside!!

What do peanuts wear on their feet?

Cashews

I am really glad that No Nut November is over.

A whole month without cashews was rough.

What do you call survivors of brothel arson?

Pistachios



What does the shepherd call the sheep he just sold? Cashews

What’s another name for a pearl necklace? Chestnut

What’s on the other side of a gloryhole? Walnuts

What was the peeping Tom doing? Pecan



Please help me fill out my nut pun reper...

What kinda fancy footwear does Mr.Peanut wear?

Cashews

How does a nut say good bye to another nut?

I'll Cashew later bro.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?

Cashew.

Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews?

They're nuts.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

The peanuts are running around the yard playing tag...

The peanut that is It keeps yelling, “I’m gonna cashew!”

What did the bratty nut say to Dr Phil?

Cashew outside. How 'bou dat?

If money could eat, what would be its favorite kind of nut?

Cashews!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A colleague told me a nutty joke

Her: What do you have if you have two nuts on the wall?

Me: Walnuts?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts in wrapped in a dollar bill?

Me: Cashews..?

Her: Yes! What do you have if you have two nuts on your chin?

Me: I dont know..

Her: Probably a d...

my wife's favorite joketo tell

What do you call a peanut with a cold?

Cashew!


she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

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A naked man runs past me down the street...

Seeing this I yell "Oi you!"

He turns and reveals he's clutching a bag of cashews to protect his modesty.

"Are you fucking nuts?"

The Mexican word of the day..

The Mexican word of the day is cashew.

Like I'll cashew outside, how bout dat?

I hate that it's already no nut November

I'm going to have to jack it a whole lot to keep my mind off of cashews...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An inspector goes in to an asylum...

He needs to make sure that all of the patients' rooms are up to code, following a new set of regulations.

When he enters the first room, the patient is shooting an imaginary basketball.

The inspector asks, "What are you doing?"

"When I get out of here, I'm going to be in the N...

If I glued dollar bills to my sneakers, what would you call them?

Cashews

What kind of nuts go on your feet?

*Sigh*...


Cashews.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First day at the mental hospital

It was a doctor's first day at the mental hospital. One of the other doctors was showing him around and decided to bring him in to see three of the patients. They walked into the first room and there was a man pretending to swing a baseball bat. The new doctor asked him what he was doing.
"I'm b...

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