How to fix a broken vacuum.

If you ever come a cross a broken vacuum, put a toronto maple leaf hockey jersey on it.

It will start sucking right away.

I have three dogs named Oak, Palm and Maple

Don't be scared to approach them. They're **all bark but no bite**.

Why did the boy climb up the tree with a hockey stick

Cause he wanted to join the maple leafs,

What if breast implants were made of maple or oak?

That would be weird, wooden tit?

Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...

Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!

What do you call maple syrup with a speech impediment?

Mrs. Stuttersworth.

If you scratch and sniff a Canadian dollar, you can smell maple syrup

If you scratch and sniff an American dollar, you can smell a stripper's pubic hair

With all the attention on preparing unusual foods in the smoker (hikory smoked mustard, maple smoked ice cream, etc.) I thought up a great idea for a smoked breakfast cereal.

We'll call them "Mesquite O's" the cereal with a bite! They'll leave you itching for more!

Do you think we can stir up some buzz about it?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

the toronto maple leafs were so bad at hockey the...

organization decided, 'ya know what, we got this group of guys here. great with their hands. lets just fuckin open a chain of pizzerias'.

Brilliant, I happened to be living in toronto at the time and wanted some za, called them for a plain cheez. & they couldnt deliver.

What do the Titanic and the Toronto Maple Leaves have in common?

Both look good until they hit the ice

Blood is Thicker than water, but maple syrup is Thicker than blood.

Therefore, pancakes are more important than family.

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike?

Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.







[just made this up \^_\^]

What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup?

Turn off their console and go to sleep.

What does a Maple Leads fan do after his team wins the Stanley Cup?

He turns off his Xbox and goes back to bed.

How many Toronto Maple Leaf fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Nobody knows.

They always say they'll do it next year.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Toronto Maple Leaves

So a man is walking along and he finds a lamp. He runs the lamp, a genie pops out an says, "I will grant you one wish."

Man: "I wish I can live forever."

Genie: "I'm sorry but I can't grant that to you. Wish for anything else and it'll be my pleasure to grant it to you."

Man: "...

What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common...

The last picture of the Titanic was in Black&White, so was the last picture of the Maple Leafs with the Stanley Cup

Somebody get me a maple tree ...

asap!

Where's the red light district in Toronto?

Behind the Maple Leafs' net.

What's the difference between a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a 14-year old girl?

Nothing. They are both just waiting for the first period to be over.

What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree?

"I'd tap that."

The Tree Stooges: Moehogany, Cherry, and Curly Maple

Alternate for Larry: Larchy

What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?

...six more weeks of bad hockey!

Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea?

Because Boston has all the cups!

Two trees are having an argument in the forest.

A new a sapling has popped up between a maple and a pine and the two of them got into an argument over what kind of tree it is.
The maple thinks it's a son of a birch, and the pine thinks it's a son of a beech. Neither one was willing to concede to the other.
Maple "it's a son of a birch"
...

Two trees in the woods notice a small sapling growing in between them.

The first tree says: “look at that maple tree growing there!”
The second tree says: “that’s not a maple tree, that’s an elm tree!”
They argue back and forth until a woodpecker comes by. They ask the woodpecker to go and peck at the sapling and tell them if it is a maple or an elm.
The wood...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lumber company posts a job opening for a wood identification expert.

One day there is a knock on the door of the office. When the manager opens it there is a man with no arms or legs, and he is wearing dark glasses.

"I am here about the job"

The manager says, "but you have no arms or legs"

"I am also blind," the man replies.

"How can you p...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

When I was in college I got my first job as a bartender...

...during orientation the manager told me about some of the regulars including Doctor John. He said Doctor John would come in every Thursday and order the same thing, 2 maple daiquiri's. It was pretty simple to make, some white rum, lime juice and maple syrup.

So my first Thursday shift arri...

TIL that Fred Rogers never got to visit Toronto.

He had to use his imagination to travel to the Land of Maple Leafs.

Little Johnny is in a courtroom, deciding who will have his custody

Little Johnny has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. Little Johnny surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aun...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Great Romanian joke

A bit on the long side, but stick with it, it's worth it!

The bunny rabbit wakes up one Sunday morning with an extreme craving to eat pancakes. This desire cannot wait and the forest diner is closed on Sundays, so he decides to hop all the way to the grocery store (25 min away). He gets there...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men on plane thats about to go down.

One day an American,Canadian,and a Chinese are on a plane thats going down quick and need to lose weight to stay up so the pilot tells them to toss some stuff overboard.

The Chinese man was carrying an abundance of rice so he decides to throw a bag off. The Canadian man had a bottle of maple ...

It was time to name Canada

All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.

The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"

The next drew, "N, eh?"

F...

A Canadian, American, and Irishmen go on a global skydiving trip

They all skydive and enjoy the whole trip on the single prop plane that takes them across the globe. They decide that over each of their country they should drop something meaningful to them and their country. The Canadian drops a maple leaf, and the other two laugh and say what does that mean? The ...

Mole joke in honor of Mole Day!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell honey!"

The...

There once was a family of moles in their mole hole when one smelled something sweet...

The father mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said "is that honey?" So the mother mole squeezed through the hole next to the father and smelled "that may be maple syrup! It smells so wonderful!" The baby mole, wanting to see what all the commotion was about, frustratingly couldn't fit betw...

Toast at a Wedding

"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.

"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's Mr. Simon's last mail delivery after 40 years of dedicated service.

And as he arrives at the last house on his route, the number of gifts and tokens of appreciation in his overbrimming mail cart is pretty damned impressive.

And it's not without a tear in his eye that he flips the front door's brass mail slot to push the last delivery of his professional life ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Picket to Tittsburgh

I was at the local bus station to buy a ticket to Pittsburgh. While I was in line to purchase my ticket, I noticed the woman working behind the counter was stunning and had enormous breasts. I have always clammed up whenever I speak to women, let alone a gorgeous woman with a great rack, so I silent...

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A newlywed couple return from their honeymoon...

Sally wants to make sure her man is treated right for his first day back to work, but unfortunately she doesn't know how to cook. Being a young couple, she never learned much from her mother and she never told her husband, but she remember he is a man and calls him into the bedroom.

She is l...

Son of a beech?

An oak and a maple were standing at the edge of a bluff gazing out over the vast expanse when they noticed a young sapling in the glen below.

"Oh look," said the oak. "A young son of a beech."

"Actually I think it's son of a birch," said the maple.

They turned to a male woodpe...

An accountant sucks at his job...

After his last warning for not paying attention to detail, an accountant is fired from his job. He decides that the great outdoors is calling him anyway, so it doesn't really bother him. he decides to throw caution to the wind and become a lumberjack despite knowing nothing about the profession. Bec...

The Greatest French Hockey Player

A hockey-loving guy from Ontario moves to Quebec. He turns on the radio to listen to the Toronto Maple Leafs vs Montreal Canadiens hockey game. He realizes that the game is being broadcast in French, but he decides to listen anyways. Maybe He'll be able to make out what's happening and at least get ...