UPJOKE
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When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part.

Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.

When you die what body part dies last?

The pupils, they dilate

What body part makes the best student?

The eye, because it’s a good pupil!

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine

Which body part is the most reliable?

fingers because you can always count on them

Street gangs of southern LA have started decapitating each other and using the body parts to trade for goods...

The most valuable of which is the Crip toe currency.

Which body part continues to live even after a person dies?

The Liver

Did you hear about the guy who had such a gambling problem, he sold every single body part to pay for it?

He should have quit while he was still a head.

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The Most Important Body Part

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

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Body parts were arguing, about who should rule the organism.

I should rule! Said the brain. I tell you all how to work!

No! I should! Said heart. I pump blood, so you all can live and have nutrients!

Bullshit! Said kidneys. We filter toxic things out of the blood! Without us you all would get poisoned!

What? Said stomach. I digest the foo...

Did you hear about the guy who won an award for having the most extra body parts?

He won the Chernobyl Piece Prize.

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What’s the most loyal body part?

Dick.

During hard times, it stands up for you.

Name the body part that your mom has 2 and a cow has 4.

Legs.

Annoyed at my constant reminders to stop eating her own body parts,

my wife threw up her hands in frustration.

What body parts always lose?

Da' feet.

(I heard this one on the radio on the way to work)

What's the most washed body part of 2020?

The brain...

Different body parts rate each other

The Brain to the Liver: “You’re a 6.”

The Spleen to the Colon: “You’re a 7.”

The Urethra to the Bladder: “Urinate.”

I had no idea I wasn't allowed to remove body parts from the morgue until the mortician told me.

When he said it, I was takin' a back.

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Which body part is most sensitive during masturbation?

Ears

What is a necrophiliac’s favorite body part?

Deadass

Rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part that is most useful when erect...

...Those who answered 'spine' will be doctors someday. The rest of us will be posting jokes on Reddit.

It’s weird that we count votes based on body parts...

Let me see all the eyes... now the nose...

Which specific body part makes a ton of movie blockbusters?

This knee.

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

I was going to be a body parts model.

But then they started asking all these questions like “Who’s arm is that?!” and “Where did you get that leg?!”

I hate when people make jokes about body parts

Eyelash out when I hear them

What's the slowest-moving body part in the entire animal kingdom?

Mole Asses.

I got an email from my girlfriend. It said, "Can you send me a photograph of my best body part?"

So I emailed her back.

I had to fire some of my body parts this morning.

My bowels were relieved of their duties.

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What is the average man's most sensitive body part when masturbating?

The ears, so he can hear if he's about to be caught.

Did you hear about the road made of body parts?

They call it the Organ Trail

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This man’s body parts having a meeting to decide how to survive the pandemic.

Brain has the chair.

He starts: Ok Everyone. Things looking bleak: a deadly virus is going around, the master is sitting home all day and not getting enough sun or exercise, he lost his job and started drinking – so The hard times are ahead. We need to get together and think how we can survi...

If you had to choose one body part to smell . . .

Would you pick your nose ?

What were the monster's first words after Dr. Franksenstein brought him back to life after sewing together different body parts?

Thanks for re-membering me.

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

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Two men walk into an Irish bar, one of them pushing a wheelbarrow full of body parts...

When the bartender sees this the bartender exclaims "Jesus Christ, Murphy, what in God's name is that?"

Murphy replies "Don't you recognize me old pal Smitty?"

"Well what the hell happened to him?"

Murphy sighs "Well me and Smitty and Mickey here we're walking down the street ...

I have a problem with people that are missing body parts.

I guess I might just be lack-toes-intolerant.

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Three men with tiny body parts meet up...

One has tiny hands, one has tiny feet, and one has a tiny penis. They all think theirs are the tiniest in the world. So they go to Guinness World Records to make it official.
The first guy walks in, and comes out with a plaque in his hand and a big smile on his face, and says, “I have the tinies...

I used to go into shopping centres and rotate the body parts of the mannequins...

I don't think everyone noticed, but I certainly turned a few heads.

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What's the second most talkative body part behind your ass

It's your mouth

What’s a woman’s favorite body part?

I can’t remember what it’s called but it’s on the tip of my tongue.

My wife keeps insisting that I tell her my favorite body part and vegetable

I told her eye yam but she doesnt listen

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

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Injuring a part of your body makes you realize how many movements use that body part.

Like spraining your wrist and then having difficulty masturbating with your other hand.

Doctor: "What body part would you be okay with losing?"

Patient: "my spine, it's holding me back"

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Of all my body parts my dick has the most mood swings..

It is either up or down

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

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One day, all the parts of the body were talking about who was most important.

THE BRAIN SAID – “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I am the most important therefore I should be boss.”

THE FEET SAID – “Since I carry him everywhere he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, I am the most important.”

THE EYES SAID – “Since I...

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America wants to repay its soldiers after the Afghanistan war.

After the Afghanistan war was over, America decided that every soldier can choose a certain part of their body to be measured, and they will get as many thousands of dollars as the lenght of that body part.


First soldier wants to be paid his hight. He will be measured from the tip of his ...

What is a Pot Heads favorite body part?

'ear *cough* 'ear

Which body part hurts most when you get hit by a right-angled triangle?

Your sinuses.

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There's a doctor who goes around my neighbourhood handing out body parts...

...he gives me the willies.

What body part do adults have two of and children have four of?

Kidneys.

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There's a bizarre black-market concession stand in North America which sells only human body parts

Customers who wish to purchase an item must use code-phrases to avoid the authorities' suspicion.

One night a blind man stops by the stand.

"What would you like to purchase today?" asks the cashier.

"Oh, nothing" the blind man says, "I was just *looking* around!"

An few h...

Out of all my body parts, my eyes are in the best shape...

I roll them at least 489 times a day.

A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans

The dog says, “Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”

The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”

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How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

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Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

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A man badly wanted to lick the princess' boobs.

He decided to ask his friend Johnny, who works in the palace. He promised 2,000 gold coins to Johnny, he agreed instantly with the deal.


A few days later, Johnny goes and sprinkles itching powder on the princess' bra while she was taking a bath. The plan worked successfully, when the pr...

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Battle of the Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxy...

What are ghost’s favorite body parts

Boooobs and Booooty!!!!

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Take good care of your ass

It's your only body part that gives a shit.

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A lone camel driver was about to embark upon a long journey from west Sahara to Egypt.

He packed all the gear he could think of for the journey that would last for a couple of months. No thing had escaped his mind. Lots of water, food, first aid kit, even three toothbrushes to last him the whole way.

Only after a week, well into the desert did it dawn on him that while he had r...

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Tarzan has an accident

Tarzan swung on a liana in the jungle when he suddenly lost his grip and fell to the ground.

Heavily wounded he was brought to the jungle hospital where some of his body parts had to be replaced.

He received a gorillas arm as a replacement for his right arm, a leopards leg as replaceme...

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An inspector goes to a prison’s death row.

The warden tells him, “We punish our inmates humanely based on what crime they committed. Instead of the death penalty, we amputate the body part they committed the crime with.”

The inspector thinks this is a good idea, as it teaches the inmate a lifelong lesson. He sees someone without his r...

A father and his two sons were talking in the kitchen

The younger son turns this dad and asks. "Dad, whats a vajayjay."

"That's, just a another name for a woman's body part."

"Like their arms?"

"Yeah, like their arms."

When the young boy walks out of the room the older son looked at his dad and said " Dad thats too far, mom'...

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My Opinion on Body Part Puns?

They're pretty humerus if you ass me.

Long ago...

Long ago a kingdom in medieval Europe had instituted a 3 strike law in regards to the amount of divorces a person was allowed to be granted.

The law states that if someone wanted to marry beyond their 3rd divorce, they would have to give up a body part in order for the marriage to become off...

Contrary to what historians will tell you, Napoleon had a more horrific death.

It turns out, the military leader had walked over an active land mine causing it to explode. Body parts were strewn all over the place. Yeah. That’s right. Napoleon was Blown-apart!

Medical College Professor to a girl student...

"Which human body part expands 5 times its normal size...?"

Girl Student : "Sir I can't answer this question, it's too embarrassing..”

Professor asked the same question to a male student.

Male Student : "It's the Pupil of a human eye...”

Professor : "Correct."

Then...

“You kick ass!”

Yes I also kick heads, torsos and other body parts.

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